To say I’ve had enough of adhd

She might just want to get it off her chest?

Indeed. I have ADHD but I live on my own. There's no fall back if I fuck up. It's exhausting and stressful and I've forever got a huge list of things to do because it all takes me so long, but I'm capable of shutting a stair gate in order to keep a child safe FFS.

Does he have a job? Does he drive? If so and he's this chaotic then he needs to surrender his licence.

The losing stuff, not being able to find things etc that's mostly.casuing stress to himself. Not making sure the baby is safe, well that's not on. He needs to prioritise those things, and make himself remember ffs.

I've got ADHD and I am chaotic/messy/late etc. I make myself do the things that keep other people alive, because it's what you have to do in life.

Keeping the kids safe by shutting gates/emptying the bath/putting dangerous stuff out of the way is something HE HAS to do. He needs to make sure he does it.

He's not taking responsibility for his children, and he needs to. He needs to find a way to remember, and stick to it. Every time he does something unsafe make him go and do it. Don't shut the gate etc for him. He will remember if he has to go and do it himself.

Me too.

I don't blame the OP for wanting to walk away. I want to walk away too!

If OP goes out for an hour do you think he’ll remember to shut the stair gate without her to tell him or will he just let the baby fall to his death?

Have you had a conversation about him potentially going on medication or speaking to a professional? I have ADHD and it is debilitating. However, as others have said, I do have strategies in place to help myself. I’m also aware of it and so openly v thankful to my DH when he has to step in.

If he’s not open to getting some help, then maybe leaving is your only option. But I can attest that it’s no fun suffering from ADHD and I (often) “lose” things that are in plain sight! I can imagine it’s not the easiest to live with.

There’s adhd and there’s laziness and using it as an excuse. People with adhd have to at least try to manage it challenging though that can be

All the tools in the world won’t mitigate every symptom. If OP is that unhappy then by all means they should leave, but it is considered to be a disability for a reason, and that’s because the person with it will never be able to manage day to day life like those without.

My partner has ADHD and he’s well aware we’re remaining child free, as far as I’m concerned. I’m pretty sure I’d be setting myself up for single parenting if we ever had children.

Has he ever considered counselling and/or meds? The waiting list is insane but worth it, eventually.

Thats his job. He's had years to sort it. Not sure you can compare being blind and adhd?

You don’t know that. You’ve never met him.

I have adhd and I have tools I use and procedures in place so I’m not a nightmare to live with. I never left the stair gate open. adhd people CAN concentrate, it sounds like he doesn’t care.

I’m not sure why you’ve stayed 20 years and at least 2 kids but better to leave late never. Is this a rant or are you going to dump him?

It’s can’t, not won’t.

I think you are a saint. I wouldn't have last 2 weeks with someone that won'thelp themselves.

Me, too, it's a royal pain in the bum. 😒

Me too 😂 meds have really helped me though. I’m still messy and fairly chaotic but I do most of my children’s admin and have a job with significant responsibility so I tend to focus on that. I think knowing and understanding my profile of strengths and deficits and appreciating both of these and planning around that has been key. Not that anyone asked 😂

Would you be like this if he were blind? ADHD affects working memory, losing stuff, putting stuff down and forgetting it is part of it. It’s frustrating yes, it is frustrating to have ADHD and constantly lose stuff.

Have you worked with him to introduce strategies that help avoid this? Everything set of keys in our house has an AirTag attached. Bright coloured case on my phone so it’s easy to find when I put it down somewhere and forget about it. Visual reminders (eg checklists before leaving the house). Spares of things I’m liable to lose.

Once there wasn't anybody in my life to save me from locking myself out or getting stranded, I really surprised myself with how effective it was to train my muscle memory and design my path in and out of the house in a way that worked with my instincts.

I have no conscious memory of how they get there, but my work pass, work keys/fob, house keys, bag, bank cards, hearing aid, phone, hairbrush, coat and shoes are exactly where I need them every morning. It's as though fairies have taken them away from me as I walk in and lovingly placed them in just the right location every morning.

It's like magic.

The rest of the time, emails are put onto scheduled send so they aren't forgotten after the reports have been run, reminders ping up on my phone and work email with a week, two days, one day, six hours, three hours, one hour and ten minutes before, all my bills just get paid automatically and things like food, cat food/litter, medication, toiletries and cleaning products turn up like the piskies have been shopping for me.

OK, so the fact I'm actually awake in the morning is because DP makes me open my eyes at least twice after I've zoned out or fallen back asleep again and I completely meltdown if he hasn't followed the clean as you go method of cooking is proof that you can't fix everything - just as being incapable of doing anything of note in the evenings or weekends is - but the day to day shite has been covered since the times when I didn't have anybody else to bail me out anymore.

I have adhd, so know exactly what you're seeing but really I also have strategies...women with adhd tend to have to have them as they tend not to have someone to pick their shit up...

Because he's a grown up and not a toddler throwing a tantrum

Why did you stand by watching him search for his shoe when you knew where it was all along?