He invaded my space/was creepy. I feel angry - even days afterwards.

I can see the bar doing nothing, as nothing objectively 'bad' happened. They will likely see it as all in thr OPs head.

he chose to leave you with the impression that you cannot escape him and he will find you again.

This, exactly. I really believe there are so many posters that don't read past the title.

That he will 'see her again' there is a veiled threat. She now feels she can't go back there. I wonder if you actually read all the OPs posts on this thread, and not just the first one. Btw, paying her bill is a way to make her feel indebted. You're very naive about how men operate. He wasn't sorry at all. Or else, knowing she felt uncomfortable he wouldn't have said

He asked for my number - I said no - and then said: 'Not to worry, since this is your local - I'm sure I'll see you in here again soon, no doubt...' - but he said it with a smile. He told me to 'take care' as he left.

No one over the age of 10 doesn't know he was deliberately making her uncomfortable and giving her a warning.

I think you encountered a hardcore sexual predator, OP, and your response was visceral and alerting you to danger. I'm not surprised you're finding this hard to move on from. I believe you had a close shave and also it was significant and intentional that he chose to leave you with the impression that you cannot escape him and he will find you again. You had a near-miss and felt extremely threatened. Some of the comments on this thread are disgusting. It's also a reminder of the constant threat posed by men to the safety of women and girls.

When was 14, I went on a short train journey to visit my dad who didn't prioritise my safety and saved himself a 40 minute drive. A squaddie on the train started talking to me. I knew he was a threat. As we got nearer the station, he started really pressurising me to go for a few drinks with him. I knew instinctively that he was dangerous and I didn't have a lot of skills or experience to deal with the situation, but I was in a state of terror. I got away from him. This was 40 plus years ago, but I can remember as if it was yesterday. When the fear system is activated in that way, the memories are stored differently in the brain and the threat can be re-experienced in the present, as if it were happening right now. Like most women, I can think back over the years to numerous of these high-threat, very dangerous situations that I suddenly found myself in and having to navigate. Suddenly, you're in flight and need to find safety. Someone will be along in a minute to say I'm being dramatic and exaggerating the risk.

It might be worthwhile to contact the bar retrospectively and let them know that you had a very frightening experience there recently. This man should be on their radar. Your brain just did what it needed to do to flag up the danger.

Just saying what I think. He was trying it on. She didn't reciprocate. I think he knew he'd offended her as she said he was apologising and paid her bill on the way out . And she's still angry 7 days later.

This is a ridiculous observation, btw. Part of a bar manager’s professional job is to pay attention to the comfort or otherwise of their clientele. The whole ‘ask for Angela’ scheme was created for just this sort of situation, for heaven’s sake.

I’m a teacher. Would you be happy if I ignored your child being harassed or inappropriately touched in my classroom because ‘enough with people expecting teachers to be bloody police too’? After all, I need to get on with my ‘busy and stressful job’ of delivering my subject.

FFS 🙄

Thanks! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only person who thought this. The world is full of people who don't behave how we would like them to for all sorts of reasons. Just deal with it and move on.

Yeah, it's bad enough men do this to us, but when the sisterhood basically makes you feel bad for your normal reaction, that's worse.

I had a creepy man at a party, so not a total stranger as he knew the host, although I'd never met him before. I find the 'no eye contact ' thing works, even if you've already made eye contact prior to realizing they are a creep. I have no issue being 'rude' if they've been rude first by being creepy.

Probably this man has v low self awareness and thinks he's being lovely and friendly. They always do. Not that that excuses anything.

@Frenchie01 And as women we should support those who say that stepped over my boundary and has made me feel upset. You’re right boundaries are different but some empathy for someone who said this upset me is ok.

Well I'm sorry but I think it's a over reaction. But like u say some women are different, what upsets one person won't upset another.

Well you’re a delight aren’t you!

Fucking disgusting men.

all I have to say.

And no one give me that ‘not all men’ crap,
yep not all men but it is always men.

@septembernights angry for you. Your anger is valid!!!

Mmmmmm why does her working make his hitting on her appropriate?

Repeating what I said to someone else, Newsflash, you may be a strong cool girl, not all of us are. When a woman feels violated or upset and feels a loss of power, it can disturb you for days (if not weeks). It is completely normal to feel anger at that loss of power and violation and wishing there was something you could have done. OP does not need to 'get a grip', you need to get some empathy.

A grip sorry

Oh God he was a bit of a desperate weirdo nothing actually happened .you're holding onto anger about it. Jesus get grip.

Men talk business and do business deals at the bar. Why is it any different for women? I'd check you're internalised misogyny there.

By re-voting again on the correct one. It will cancel out the wrong one.

Newsflash, you may be a strong cool girl, not all of us are. When a woman feels violated or upset and feels a loss of power, it can disturb you for days (if not weeks). It is completely normal to feel anger at that loss of power and violation and wishing there was something you could have done.

What a persistent creep.

I am sorry to say it but I think it’s hotels. The idea that you are a lone woman and there are beds upstairs (that you might want to use with them!) sends some men doollally.

I sometimes travel for work and, as soon as I am walking solo into a hotel with a wheely case, I know that my ‘eyeing up’ rate and ‘approach’ rate goes right up.

But I think hotel staff are aware that it can be a problem. I once came downstairs to the hotel bar-restaurant and it was literally a sea of men sitting around in groups (a business-type hotel outside a small city). I seemed to be the only woman there that night! The bar man took my meal order and then suggested that I might like to sit at a table around the side of the bar, which I was happy to accept. But in some ways that situation felt safer as I think that men would peer-regulate each other in that situation.

Hey OP. Don’t beat yourself up. I think you handles yourself well. He was being a dick - anyone with an ounce of awareness would know that you brushed him off, repeatedly. It’s him, not you. Perhaps something like "what part of no do you find hard to understand". "I said I’m not interested, is that too difficult to comprehend". "I’m not interested, do you wish to leave or must I?".

Pretty shocked at the assumptions that being solo in a bar equals you’re a sex worker or seeking hook ups?!! And it’s so easy to say you’d tell someone where to go in hindsight not so easy at the time when they could flip it back on you & claim they were only being friendly or worse get aggressive or follow you later. How do we feel more safe & also assertive at the same time?

How do you change your vote?

What on earth have I just read? Getting a laptop out in a bar doesn’t make you a sex worker FFS. What sort of world do you live in where that is a reasonable conclusion that empowers a man to ignore a woman’s boundaries?