Husband changing mind about DD left at home

I think you should trust yourself and your daughter, it sounds like your set up works. Many parents these days are full of anxiety for their children, completely forgetting that for years thousands of children have walked or cycled a couple of miles to school without incident. You’re daughter is learning to be resilient which seems to be sadly lacking in some young people.
Address your husband’s sudden anxiety, but ultimately unless he is going to come up with a plan to deal with it I don’t know what you’re expected to do, given the limitations of your job.

What you’re describing is totally normal for the vast majority of Year 7’s. There’s no childcare and certainly no breakfast club - they all lock up, walk to school with their mates and do the same in reverse.

My dh is exactly like yours op,I have to point out that she won’t be street smart of he continues to wrap her up in cotton wool,I leave dd for 2 hours a day while I go to work,until dh gets home,although I do feed her before I leave,she’s also In year 6.

You seem to be leaving her alone a lot. I actually feel very sorry for your daughter, she’s 11 not 16. And two miles walk (so four everyday??) to school everyday at 12, I’m sure she could do it yes, but surely you don’t want that for her? You seem like you just expect her to adapt to everyone else’s needs and get on with it, there’s no hint of caring in your posts.

We are in a very similar situation OP with no family nearby etc. The honest answer to how we've avoided it is to make sure that our jobs can work around it. That's come at a financial cost over the years and tough decisions have had to be made but, at the end of the day, being around for our kids to check in before and after school- make sure they have what they need and can get there safely and that they have had a good day etc once home- has to come first. It's about being a parent really, isn't it.

@Gymmum82is DH changing his mind anything to do with DD forgetting her key? Your post reads that way to me. If so has he kind of jumped from forgot key once equals not responsible enough to be at home alone? If that is the case then he maybe needs to be reminded that we all do things like forget keys and effectively beating her over the head with a small very normal thing that she dealt with herself is really not helpful, it will only fuel the perfectionist traits many young girls (in particular) have which becomes a huge weight to live with.

On balance I think yabu to assume she’ll be okay as she can’t contact you readily for immediate support. She’s your eldest and I think it’s been easier for you to just assume she’s okay to be alone. Once she’s home that’s probably fine.
However I would be looking for a lift to school for her as 2 miles is too far to walk on busy roads in poor weather and as for letting her decide to cycle I think you’re really showing a lack of care. I cycle daily but am very wary of traffic and breakdowns happen.

You mentioned WFH. Could you/he do that again until the end of Y7?

I assume you don't have a secondary school age child?

This is absolutely dead normal for secondary school children.
A 2 mile walk after school finishes is only going to be in the dark if you are in the north of Scotland.
11 year olds do not disintegrate in the rain. Raincoats and umbrellas are things that exist.

As a comparison point, LEAs expect secondary school age children to walk 3 miles to school (before free school transport considered).

I said unnecessary things

I can’t remember the last time I went to a supermarket though, I do it all online.

I think this is one for you and your husband to discuss and agree upon, sounds like you may both need to compromise.

What I’m a little confused about though is why you need to pop to the shops so often? We always do one food delivery a week and then potentially one ‘pop to the shops’ but as we have younger children one of us does it whilst the other is with the kids. Why do you need to go so often mid week?!

Childhood is such a short period of time and from your posts, it does sound like her independence is cranking up at too high a speed. 2m walk to school twice a day with no back ups doesn’t sound great. I certainly wouldn’t walk to work in the pissing rain so I’m not sure why you think your Y7 daughter will be able to get to school like that, and as others have said, in the pitch black in winter.

Have a chat and understand each others positions.

You called your husband a helicopter parent. Do you often judge other people’s parenting and label them as “types”? Why? I’m also protect my children from danger, I thought that was normal. I do it because I want them to survive into adult years - lots of kids don’t. Calling people names for different risk appetites isn’t helpful (or kind).

Ithink it's all a bit much tbh. Do you have much time for her generally? I found my kids offload immediately after school so I would want to be around sometimes for her. Sounds like you need to adjust your schedule a bit to reduce the frequency of not being around for your kids.

@Gymmum82

going to the gym, going to the supermarket, going for medical appointments, going to hairdressers, taking the kids to their clubs - all stuff that many people would find boring but they do anyway

This

I don’t do unnecessary things I don’t want to do 🤷‍♀️

I've just checked Google maps and my kids walk to secondary school was 1.6 miles. They walked every day, usually with their friends. And yes, in all weathers.
Surely there can't be many working parents who are available to drop off at nine and pick up at half three? Possibly more more that some perks WFH, but it's absolutely normal where I live for kids to be walking up to two miles to school in the next small town.

@faerietales

cos that’s life? We all have to do stuff we don’t want to do or that we find boring. Good to prepare kids for that.

This was my first thought

I think letting her walk home is fine. But leaving her while younger children are at clubs could be an issue depending how long it is. She could tag along but like you say you have been doing this for a while already. And like others say it could be the adolescence programme the first episode made me consider more what they look at online.

My ds cycles to secondary but if the weather is terrible (this has only been twice this winter) we have given him a lift... most secondary schools open far earlier than the school day starts and the kids can go to the canteen or library so getting there at 7.30 would usually be fine

By the way, round here secondary schools start at 8.30 and let children in earlier, including for breakfast and possibly, clubs. My eldest rushed out of the house early every morning to get breakfast in the school canteen. Are you sure you couldn't drop her off earlier or closer to the school so she has a shorter walk?

I think as parents you need to discuss this issue since he's raised it and decide what is best for you and your family.

He's allowed to he worried and you're allowed to know why he has changed his mind.

Every situation / child is different. It doesn't matter whether other parents drive their child to and from school till they're 16 and never let them stay home alone or expect them to cycle / walk for miles from the age of 10. There isn't a right way to do it - there's only what you as parents decide is best and works for you.

It is not a 30 minute walk it's more like 45-50.. I know this from experience as we have almost this exact scenario (except our DD 's walk is 1.7m).

I agree that this will almost definitely be too much for your daughter in September, Op. Have you properly considered the fact it will definitely be dark for several months when she sets out, and more importantly, the weather?! It is hacking down many days in this country and would mean daughter arriving at school absolutely soaking and having to spend the whole day like that - leather shoes don't dry out at all quickly, and there is often no where to put wet coats (lockers are avoided in our school as can be a magnet for bullies, especially for first years, apparently...)

We compromise and drop DD half way, which may be an option for you if you're leaving at 7.30 as surely she would need to leave at 7.30 too? Although our secondary schools start at 8.30 so arriving at 8.10-8.20 is very much the norm.

Walking home soaking and getting changed straight away into dry clothes is far more acceptable at the end of the day! Shoes still often need to go on the rad to be dry by next day though 🙄 gotta love the British weather!

Sorry Op this convo has taken a different turn! 😂 Fwiw I definitely think it's fine to leave DD - we leave ours for up to 2hrs now (midway through year 7) - she absolutely Loves the independence! We have dogs for company though, and she has no access to the internet or YouTube - just TV and Spotify on Alexa - and stays in her room playing with her makeup 😆

We lock the front door behind us so she is secure, and leave back door open in case she needs to get out in an emergency, which makes me feel "safer" about it, and she does have a phone.