Husband changing mind about DD left at home

Are you on the wrong thread?

@RedSkyDelights I was just stating a fact! When I was at school (in the Middle Ages!) many students had lockers, doesn’t seem to be the case nowadays. Which might partly explain some kids aversion to wearing coats.

I am perfectly aware that children walk to school. Where I live it rains a lot. I see many children walking to school in said rain without a coat.

The lightweight waterproof coat DS had rolled up at the bottom of his school bag never saw the light of day! Although he did get the school bus so didn’t have far to walk

I don’t have a suggestion, but be parents I imagine. You choose to have a child you adapt however you need to. They’re not slaves are they, change is possible.

Ha! I can remember offering a lift to school once, and being turned down! I thought it was because she didn't want to miss out on chatting with her friends, but it was probably because it'd have been cringe!

When my kids started secondary it was a 35 minute walk from door to door. Straightforward route, through housing estates, main roads all have lollipop ladies/men, no bus route going that particular way. I would drop off as near as possible in horrific weather, but otherwise they walked. I would say most kids did/do, but with the amount of police presence around the school lately due to dangerous parking by parents, obviously not.

The stuff I read on MN is eye opening and seems to be getting worse.

Most secondary school pupils get themselves to school, from year 7. Their parents might drop them off the first day or week then it's usually down to them to get themselves there. It's normal. And it's normal for them to get themselves home, with friends, via the chippy or the sweet shop, to an empty house and entertain themselves for an hour or two.

What else are working parents meant to do?

Not doing them any favours wrapping them up in cotton wool. I had to get two buses on my own to my secondary, it was miles away.

A two mile walk shouldn't phase the average 11 year old!

Secondary school will assume your child to be capable and independent. Once they reach Year 7 here they can be sent home on the bus if heavy snow is forecast (we live very rurally), the buses will drop them at the usual point and they are expected to get home under their own steam, in the depths of winter and usually during a snowstorm! The school won't assume someone is home, the buses stop running if the snow gets too bad and therefore will do the 'school run' maybe mid morning or early afternoon. Nobody will cosset the child or ask if they can get home, or what their plans are if their parents aren't in - it's assumed that the child can manage.

And I'm mid sixties and used to walk a mile and half to primary school by myself or escorting my younger brother from the age of 10. We'd meet groups of friends all the way, by the time we arrived there would be about twenty of us! So child walks self to school, is left alone for a while is nothing new. Children, especially if sensible and capable, are fine.

Umbrella in a plastic bag or waterproof coat that rolls up small (in a plastic bag).

Do you seriously think every secondary child school is driven to school in the rain?

Honestly, that just sounds like making kids do stuff for the sake of it, rather than because it has any actual benefit to them.

All the posters talking about a 2 mile walk as being unacceptable…really? It’s not that far and kids need exercise. DS is in year 9 now but ever since the start of secondary it would have been mega-cringe to have been seen with a parent, being dropped off. I’d say 90% of him and his friends all went to school by themselves from the start of secondary and the ones that didn’t lived really far away. It’s completely normal. This is in London, and they’d be walking, cycling or taking a bus.

Round here children are routinely walking/cycling 2 miles to school from age 4.
In all weathers.

And on their own without an adult from Year 5 (age 9).

I can only assume some people live in seriously dodgy areas that they think this is a huge deal for a secondary school child. Or have schools on their doorstep so that they can't imagine having to go further. 2 miles from secondary school is not a huge distance, and not everyone has a parent with a car available to drive both ways every day.

There is nowhere to put coats in most Secondary schools

I cannot imagine leaving my dd11 to walk 2 miles x 2 daily, in all weathers. Literally cannot imagine it.

😂

Sorry this was meant to be a reply to Itsawildridealright

If you drop your DD halfway, how is that any better if it is “hacking down”? She would get just as wet on the second half of the journey!

Honestly the posters banging on about bad weather are being a bit silly - kids should be going to school in coats and waterproof shoes. We live in the UK, we can’t expect to be driven everywhere any time it rains!

The “bUt tHe wEaThEr” discourse is sending me. Round here, the tweens and teens have decided tights are, like, so uncool so even in minus conditions or horizontal rain they march to school shivering and determined with their bare legs; accessorised also with unzipped jackets because doing up your coat is also tragic. DD5 all bundled up plus mittens and snood and leg warmers marvels at them as we scurry by. OP’s eleven-year-old will be fine!

Loads of kids do it where I live. It's a mainly rural area, secondary schools are few and far between, so have large catchment areas, and public transport is practically non-existent. The LEA only provides transport if the distance is over three miles.

For a fair few, the walk to school involves country lanes with no pavements or street lighting, although the latter is only an issue if they've had an after-school activity or something.

I was 9 when I first walked to school on my own (my DM had just had a baby). It was only a mile, but it included walking across a large park and across two main roads (admittedly, this was in the 1960s, so the roads were nowhere near as busy as they are now). In my last term at primary, we were living 6 miles away and I used to get two buses, into town and out again, when I was 10.

I'd be guided by your child, OP. If she and you are comfortable with it, I think it's fine. And maybe get a key safe, so it doesn't matter if she forgets her key.

At home as in locked in a house - fine. At home as roaming streets doing chores - not fine for obvious reasons.

I wonder if your DH has picked up the conversations around Adolescence and is worried about the ‘internet babysitter’ you are leaving your DD with.

Yep same round here. And same when I was at school. The only time my mum ever dropped me off was if I was running really late or if she was passing the school. Otherwise yep, I walked the same 1-1.5 mile route every single day (collecting friends on the way!) for 5 years.

So could I, but I still wasn't allowed to entirely opt out of doing things for the family.

Because the lesson is that you do things for your household. Regardless of whether it's interesting or deemed essential by you. You are involved in the running of your household.

You lack imagination then!
An 11 year child should be more than capable of walking 2 miles. Round here, the two secondary schools are both 2 miles from one end of the village. The kids all meet up gradually into groups and walk to school. They are not going on their own. The streets are well lit and there is a foot/cycle path from this village to the next, where one of the schools is.

Cars on roads doing walkable distances has an enormous environmental impact.

But children don’t need to come first in all circumstances, they’re not made of glass.

FWIW you sound like a great parent who will have independent, resilient children, and that can only be a good thing.

@ByPearlSnail

so what do you suggest Op and her husband do exactly?

Where has this ‘all weathers’ come from? It’s not like we live in a country that has dangerous weather on a regular basis, are children not supposed to be outside unless the weather is deemed perfect, is it dangerous for them to get wet?

Stranger danger is obviously a small issue, but children are much more vulnerable around people that are known to them. You have to teach your children about risk and how to mitigate it, wrapping them up in cotton wool merely makes them frightened and anxious and unable to deal with life. It’s really not helpful.

4 miles a day is nothing to a healthy child of that age.