DP unkind about my friend who is TTC

On the question of taking her calls for long chats in the evening I think YABU. It's intrusive and self absorbed of her to be doing that and not very wise of you to encourage it. But on the question of whether your DP is a dick - yes, probably.

Unfortunately OP is one of those posters that opens a completely legitimate thread detailing really awful behaviour and when she has it confirmed that it is absolutely disgusting, is desperate to talk herself down and him up.

All these incredible men with children, that just happen to be disgusting misogynistic pigs who talk about women in a vile way.
Who knew.🙄

Sadly the children actually are the very last priority in the homes these pigs talk their way into...and don't they know it.

Well... did OP let him know in advance that the phone call would be that long or did she just leave him sitting for 40 minutes not knowing when she'd deign to join him?

Holy fuck ... The posters on this thread.

Actually, the posters on MN, because it's not just this thread.

If you have an idea of who your p is talking to and what about - which it very much sounds like he did - then have a fucking bit of cop on and postpone watching the episode until another time. Or just watch it yourself and they can watch it themselves later. You don't share a brain. You can watch one episode separately.

You don't go into the room mid sensitive conversation and tap your watch and interrupt and hassle them.

But anyway ....the pedantry over watching TV episodes together/at a set time is almost hilarious - given the utter objectification and inappropriate ness of this man's comments.

I can accept that men will speak like that with each other

@Panda87 that's really not acceptable IMO and I honestly don't think decent men do this. Some men might make crude comments about a celebrity or random girl they see in a pub, even that to me is not ok, but to crudely comment on each other's partners or friends seems really wrong. I honestly don't think this can ever be ok. I think as PP say you have been around a certain type of man too often and the bar is low.

Watch it another time.

Not difficult.

This is a presumably good friend, in need.

Who the fuck puts pedantry about watching a TV series you can watch at another time above that.

Like wtf.

He is speaking about your friend like she's a sex doll, or more specifically - like she's just a pair of tits

He's also speaking about your mate like that (and about she & her h TTC), when she's upset and emotional enough to be on the phone to you seeking support, twice in one week.

This woman is clearly upset & struggling and he's like "haha, well at least her h gets to have another month's go on those tits of hers, he must be happy about that!".

The lack of empathy and respect and objectification is off the charts.

Pay attention to that.

There are all sorts of reasons people stay/end up single - with him, I think we can guess at some of them.

Tbf if there is an arrangement to watch something at a set time I get the annoyance. Dh and I hardly see each other some weeks but we'd have loose arrangements. Tonight for example we are sitting down at 10pm to watch an episode of something and I'd be annoyed if he took a call and let it run into our little sliver of time, especially more then once in the week.

I've already replied upthread about the vile comment, I'm just defending him on the phone thing not the other.

Well... did OP let him know in advance that the phone call would be that long or did she just leave him sitting for 40 minutes not knowing when she'd deign to join him? I'm watching a series with DP and I'd be fairly miffed to be kept hanging for 40 minutes. Obviously I can do my own thing and we don't have to watch the episode on any given night but if you're the person not on the phone, you have to guess whether your partner is going to end their conversation in one minute or 5 minutes or 40 minutes. It's not on to keep someone waiting.

(The comment was crude but I would have 100% said something sarky in his position.)

I would find it quite irksome if my partner was spending 45 minutes on the phone all the time discussing a mate’s fertility when we were meant to be having a bit of quality time together. I would also be pretty bored by the whole business of a friend of my partner trying to have a baby and would have very limited patience for hearing about it.

However, while I can see why your partner would express his irritation, it was completely obnoxious and unacceptable for him to start talking about your friend’s tits, obviously.

At the very least @Panda87 his behaviour and attitude should be considered a glimpse at another aspect to his personality, and one he hides from you.🚩

I can see why you might think he’s a good man if all the men you know have been manchild laddish misogynists. I used to think all men were like this too because that’s what I grew up around. Then i moved cities and met men who weren’t like that at all. My DH has plenty of failings (don’t we all) but he would NEVER say something like that about any woman, let alone a friend of mine, let alone to me!

No man who would speak about a woman that way, even just to his friends, is a good man. He will talk about you like that too - does that not bother you?

To me this is much worse than his lack of empathy for your friend, though that’s pretty horrible too

The bit where he points at his watch… WTF?

Are you the phone police?

Oh OP, just no. That comment about your friend was utterly disgusting. It actually made me feel sick. And what do you mean you can accept that men speak to each other like that? Decent, caring, family men wouldn’t dream of talking about women like that.

He’s nothing but respectful towards me

It's not respectful to you to tap his watch when you're on the phone trying to counsel and comfort a friend.

You can watch the episode of the series at another time.

It's not remotely respectful towards you to make that comment about your friend's husband being glad to have a go on those tits for another month ....thereby saying "I've noticed her tits, I've looked at her tits, they're great tits, any man would be pleased to get the chance to touch etc. them, her h/p must be happy to get another month "having a go" on her tits".

He can notice your mate's breasts, he can appreciate your mate's breasts - we're all human ....

But it is not remotely respectful or appropriate for him to express his observation/appreciation/speculation about your friend's husband's enjoyment of her breasts - to you.

I'd like to see him in reverse circumstances.

The comment in the context of them TTC and experiencing disappointments is also very crass and inappropriate.

How long have you been in a relationship with him?

What he just did is the opposite of proving he's a good man. The absolute very opposite. You are either desparate to not be alone or you are being manipulated by that man because no woman would call a man who talks about her friend in that manner a good man.

Does it matter that he now won't have the balls to say it? It's still how he thinks about your lovely friend. It's how he thinks of women in general most likely. We are just there to pleasure a man basically. He clearly thinks your time is his too and he gets moody if you don't obey.

He's a vile piece of shit of a man and you are going to carry on with him despite the things he is thinking of your friend and you are going to let him be a part of your childrens childhoods. Unbelievable.

“-His comment was completely inappropriate - I can accept that men will speak like that with each other - but not to me after I’ve just been comforting my distraught friend. I’m confident he won’t try that again!!”

Err no!! You’ve got your bar set pretty low if you think this kind of talk is acceptable (even if just with his friends).

I can accept that men will speak like that with each other -

I'm a bit of a misandrist and I actually, honestly, think you're being quite unfair to men there!

There are men who don't talk like that to other men.

It's really puerile and vulgar and objectifying, even for men.

I wouldn't be normalising or minimising that if I were you .... And taking the attitude "well, he won't speak like that in front of me again, he's been told".

The way he speaks reflects his views of sex and women

"Have a go on".
What are women? fair ground rides, a motorbike, a fleshlight?

"He'll be happy to be having a go on those tits for another month" .....at all, but esp when a couple has presumably just had a negative line, or a missed miscarriage or a miscarriage.

Again, he's also chatting about your mate's tits. .... Clearly he's noticed them to a significant degree, and he's so clueless and or/arrogant that he thinks it's fine to mention his appreciation of them right to your face.

This is bothering you because it should.
Please don't minimise it because you're invested and perhaps would rather be with him, even though he's inappropriate, crass, insensitive etc. rather than being single.

Tapping his watch, WTF. He thinks you're his little tv accessory. How dare you make the master wait? 😡

Another nasty vulgar misogynist who makes crude remarks about partner's friend's body but oh, he's great with kids🤮

DP and I watch a series which is why he wanted me downstairs, he’s happy watching stuff on his own otherwise and likes his own space usually

Well he could watch something else while you're on the phone. Your mate is upset and asking for a bit of support at this time, and you've been through it too so ..

He could have a bit of flexibility and tolerance.

It doesn't have to be watched at exactly that time. It could be later, it could be the next day, it could be a catch up batch.

Your partner is vile, misogynistic and also weirdly dependent. I would just watch a show while you are on the phone.

His comment was completely inappropriate - I can accept that men will speak like that with each other - but not to me after I’ve just been comforting my distraught friend. I’m confident he won’t try that again!!

But you now know that's how he thinks of women, your friend, and sex. 🤮

Is that really acceptable to you? He sounds like an infantile prick of a man tbh.