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Original poster

Unexpected Pregnancy. Should I tell him?

62 replies

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:13

In shock right now and probably not thinking straight. I had sex 6 days after period so not a highly fertile time and I took the morning after pill the next morning. My period is late by 6 days and initially thought the morning after pill has thrown off my cycle any today I took a test and I am 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

Do I tell him or not? We are not in a serious relationship but have been seeing eachother for a couple of years. I have never had a unexpected pregnancy a have always been very careful. I have 2 children and was not planning on having anymore hence taking the morning after pill.

I have been on the phone to a NHS clinic and apparently I can have a telephone consultation and then have 2 pills sent out which will stop the pregnancy. Has anyone been in this situation? I am very early which makes me feel batter about the situation as at this stage it can't be a hughe difference that taking the morning after pill?

I have never wanted to be in this situation but here I am. I don't want to share this with anyone in real life and I am also unsure if I should tell him? Do you think I should? To add we are older parents. I don't want to give too much details as it would be outing.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 27/03/2025 17:11

I think only you can make the decision to tell him, or not. You know him - do you think he will be supportive of your decision not to continue the pregnancy? If you think he'll be caring and supportive of you, and you want to continue the relationship then I would probably tell him. If you're in a relationship, it's not great to have a big secret like this and if it were to come out much later, he would probably be upset that you didn't share it with him.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 17:10

@AlmondLoaf
It was 6 days including period. So by day 6 my period had stopped and that is when we had sex. I took the morning after pill in day 7 from start of period.

OP posts:
TimetoPour · 27/03/2025 17:08

Nope. You haven’t made a decision to have baby together. This is a collection of cells in your body at this point. You have every right to go ahead and not say a word.

Coming from someone who has been there, continued the relationship and had kids further down the line when the time was right and it was a joint decision.

Gemini29 · 27/03/2025 17:04

Have you got a friend you could tell? Ive been there for friends and it's helped them a lot. Then you can tell him after the fact if you want when he's less likely to male promises he cant keep

minnienono · 27/03/2025 17:04

If you are aborting i would not tell him

TheRealMrsFeltz · 27/03/2025 17:02

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

The only reason I wouldn’t tell him were if you thought he might change your mind and make it more stressful for you.

But if you think he’d be support for you then yes, I probably would.

AlmondLoaf · 27/03/2025 17:02

6 days after your period is fertile, ovulation usually occurs around day 14 of cycle and sperm can survive 5 days.
So average period length and 6 days after that can easily take you to ovulation.
Morning after pill is not contraception.. It doesn't work if you already ovulated, you need to use proper contraception next time.
Don't tell him if you are planning to abort.

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 27/03/2025 17:01

Going against the grain here but I would definitely tell him as you're planning to continue the casual relationship so presumably like him. You need someone to support you through the abortion and you said you aren't going to tell anyone else. If you keep it to yourself it will always be in the back of your mind when you're with him from now on and you'll probably tell him eventually, so i would do it now so he can help you through this (assuming he's a good man)

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/03/2025 16:59

I don’t think it’s information he needs to know. You aren’t committed to each other, so his reaction is irrelevant.

If you really want to tell him, tell him - but I think you need to establish in your head what you’re hoping his response will be and whether you’re going to be upset if he doesn’t respond like that. If he just says “oh, what a pain, glad you’ve sorted it out” and has no interest in talking about it ever again, will you be okay with that? Or are you hoping he’ll want to talk about it and “be there for you.”

If the latter, and you want support, I think you’re better off telling a good friend tbh.

MellowPinkDeer · 27/03/2025 16:58

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:42

To add he also doesn't want anymore children and we will more than likely continue our relationship. I will be getting on the contraceptive pill ASAP and will never trust the mornings after pill again.

I’d hate to have any kind of relationship with this huge lie in it. I’d have to tell him. It’s wouldn’t be up for discussion but I’d have to tell him.

WickWood · 27/03/2025 16:56

I would tell him, i couldn't imagine being pregnant (regardless of my decision) and not telling my partner. You say you've been with him a couple of years, not days or weeks, would he not want to support you?

Sorry you're in this difficult situation x

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:52

@CurlewKate @Chonk
Can I ask you both for your reasons not to tell him?

OP posts:
Chonk · 27/03/2025 16:51

No, I wouldn't tell him. But why didn't you use contraception if you didn't want to fall pregnant?

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 16:50

If you’re going to have an abortion, then no, don’t tell him.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:42

To add he also doesn't want anymore children and we will more than likely continue our relationship. I will be getting on the contraceptive pill ASAP and will never trust the mornings after pill again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:17

@sheknowsitstoolate
Thank you. I am 6 days late so quite early also. The pregnancy test 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 27/03/2025 16:17

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

He may not agree. It also doesn’t seem necessary because you aren’t in a serious relationship.

FOJN · 27/03/2025 16:08

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

Edited

There is always the possibility that he likes the idea of a baby and then rather than sharing the load you could feel under pressure and perhaps start questioning a decision you seem quite sure is the right one.

sheknowsitstoolate · 27/03/2025 16:07

@SkysdawnI was a bit late for my period so it wouldn’t have been more than a few weeks (not sure exactly) … it was like period pain and lasted a day or 2 but paracetamol worked good and then everything was back to normal.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 16:00

@sheknowsitstoolate thank you for this. Can I ask how far in the pregnancy you was?

I am assuming the earlier the less symptoms, pain etc

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 27/03/2025 15:59

If you are continuing your sexual relationship, the two of you need to revise your birth control procedures. The evidence for us knowing that is that you needed the MAP. So while you don’t need to tell him about the pregnancy and termination, you do need to talk to him about using condoms and you likely should get a second form of birth control as well. You can play it off as just realizing you have been too casual with safety, but if you find it difficult to obfuscate, you could just tell him the full reasoning.

WildPoet · 27/03/2025 15:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:57

I am not going ahead with the pregnancy, but part of me thinks that telling him will take a bit of a load off me as I am not going to tell anyone else ever.

Can I ask your thoughts on reasons for not telling him?

OP posts:
sheknowsitstoolate · 27/03/2025 15:57

If you’re keeping it then you should tell him. I wouldn’t if you’re not.

I’ve had the 2 pills very early before, they can send them in the post after you’ve spoken to them and it should go okay(ish).

I hope you’re okay.

MoreChocPls · 27/03/2025 15:54

If you’re keeping it, tell him. If not, don’t.