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Original poster

Unexpected Pregnancy. Should I tell him?

62 replies

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 15:13

In shock right now and probably not thinking straight. I had sex 6 days after period so not a highly fertile time and I took the morning after pill the next morning. My period is late by 6 days and initially thought the morning after pill has thrown off my cycle any today I took a test and I am 1 - 2 weeks pregnant.

Do I tell him or not? We are not in a serious relationship but have been seeing eachother for a couple of years. I have never had a unexpected pregnancy a have always been very careful. I have 2 children and was not planning on having anymore hence taking the morning after pill.

I have been on the phone to a NHS clinic and apparently I can have a telephone consultation and then have 2 pills sent out which will stop the pregnancy. Has anyone been in this situation? I am very early which makes me feel batter about the situation as at this stage it can't be a hughe difference that taking the morning after pill?

I have never wanted to be in this situation but here I am. I don't want to share this with anyone in real life and I am also unsure if I should tell him? Do you think I should? To add we are older parents. I don't want to give too much details as it would be outing.

OP posts:
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Louisiannadaisy · 15/07/2025 19:14

Not quite the same! Me and hubby battled for years for last baby ( took time and lost a son) eventually fell again all good! Well as good as a premmie baby gets. Ff 2 years we fell accidentally ( I was just back at work in a senior role baby in nursery. We got an abortion but did it together and tbh I needed that support. Suppose what I’m saying the person we make love too should help carry that load. Still your choice! My hubby was happy with whatever didn’t want to apply pressure just supported me. Had it on the Friday was back teaching on the Monday. Best decision ever. Don’t suffer alone it takes two xx

Original poster
Skysdawn · 28/03/2025 16:53

I suppose I will fine out more when I go in for a scan.

OP posts:
CowTown · 28/03/2025 16:12

As far as I’m aware, the pregnancy hormones stick around for a while, so women who have had recent miscarriages have positive tests.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 28/03/2025 16:08

I feel like am on a proper period so I am really confused. I took another test today and it was a strong positive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skysdawn · 28/03/2025 16:07

I had my phone consultation today. I was hoping to get the pills ASAP but because I took the morning after pill I have to go in for a scan next week as it could have messed with dates apparently.

OP posts:
Idontknowhatnametochoose · 28/03/2025 08:55

Skysdawn · 28/03/2025 08:12

I now seem to have come on my period this morning??
Three tests said I was pregnant yesterday.

Quite possibly a miscarriage but test again soon to be sure.

BeaAndBen · 28/03/2025 08:43

I wouldn’t tell him because your medical details aren’t his business. It’s nothing to do with him, once you’ve decided that you are not going to allow the pregnancy to progress.

Smallmercies · 28/03/2025 08:38

TheHerboriste · 28/03/2025 08:26

This. It’s a medical matter, not a relationship issue. You don’t need his opinion or input.

Show quote history

It's for the OP to decide whether it's a relationship issue, surely? If she feels telling him would help her, then she should. He is being careless with her health and wellbeing by not using condoms.

rwalker · 28/03/2025 08:27

From everything you’ve written I’d say nothing
you sound well balanced and sure of your choices
there a danger of involving him could muddy the waters

TheHerboriste · 28/03/2025 08:26

FortyElephants · 27/03/2025 15:19

Why would you tell him? You aren't keeping it and he's not your partner. It's your private medical business.

Do have a think about why you took that risk though. I wouldn't be surprised if this changes how you feel about your casual thing with him.

This. It’s a medical matter, not a relationship issue. You don’t need his opinion or input.

FortyElephants · 28/03/2025 08:13

It may be that it's a very early miscarriage. I hope you're ok, take another test in a week and see what it says.

Original poster
Skysdawn · 28/03/2025 08:12

I now seem to have come on my period this morning??
Three tests said I was pregnant yesterday.

OP posts:
Podgeys1 · 27/03/2025 20:24

OP do not say a word to him.
Keep it simply.
Sort out contraception asap.
Mind yourself.

Scorpion84 · 27/03/2025 20:02

Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 18:28

@Scorpion84
Thank you, that is really helpful to know. Can I ask if you are counting 5 weeks from the day of your last period or from conception? As I think that is how the pregnancy test counts it

I only ask as my pregnancy test said I was 1-2 weeks.

Edited

That was based on lmp.

I find it emotionally traumatic ( long story )but on a practical sense it wasn't . It was two phone calls with bpas . The pills are delivered discreetly.

I just say be 100 percent sure before you go ahead . I do regret mine but at the time I knew it was the right thing to do at the time . If that makes sense . X

RedHelenB · 27/03/2025 19:30

Comedycook · 27/03/2025 15:16

As long as you're sure of your decision then no I wouldn't tell him.

This.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 27/03/2025 19:05

I wouldn't tell him. He might feel differently with the reality of an actual pregnancy and try to change your mind. He could complicate things hugely for you and your relationship.

Far easier to just go and get it done.

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 18:59

@aCatCalledFawkeslt doesn’t take much imagination to think of ways he could make things difficult for her!

Original poster
Skysdawn · 27/03/2025 18:28

@Scorpion84
Thank you, that is really helpful to know. Can I ask if you are counting 5 weeks from the day of your last period or from conception? As I think that is how the pregnancy test counts it

I only ask as my pregnancy test said I was 1-2 weeks.

OP posts:
Scorpion84 · 27/03/2025 17:47

I had a termination at 5 weeks so very early . The pills worked and obviously not a pleasant experience but the bleeding was like a heavy period with minimal pain , probably because it was so early.

aCatCalledFawkes · 27/03/2025 17:41

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 17:21

@SkysdawnBecause it’s none of his business. You don’t know how he will
react- there is a strong possibility that he will
make it more difficult for you.

How can he make it more difficult for her? He can't stop her he can only stop there relationship.

Legally OP of course it's just medical procedure and you are not obliged to tell anyone one. However I would tell him if you think he will stick I around to hold your hand and look after you, for me it was like a heavy painful period.

I was in a similar situation with a very long term friend who left me in the lurch when I told him. I didn't want him to want it but I would of appreciated someone taking care of me whilst I was going through it. On the upside I saw his true colours so I'm glad the trash took itself out.

CurlewKate · 27/03/2025 17:21

@SkysdawnBecause it’s none of his business. You don’t know how he will
react- there is a strong possibility that he will
make it more difficult for you.

Poppyseeds79 · 27/03/2025 17:21

I suppose it depends on why you want him to know? If it's in a "ok, so we've had this pregnancy situation. Which will be resolved, but we really need to review contraception going forward". Then I can understand that.

If it's just a "I'm ending a very early pregnancy but wanted you to know, just so you know". Then I wouldn't tell him.

The reasons why personally I wouldn't are;
You've already made your decision.
There's nothing to be gained from telling him.
You might end up drawn into a conversation that you don't really need right now.
If he reacts in anyway differently from how you might expect him to it could just be upsetting.

Upsidedownagain · 27/03/2025 17:17

I'd tell him. Technically it's a shared problem though the decision and the consequence is all yours. If you need support and you think he'll give you that, why not?

Back in the mists of time, I told my then boyfriend and he was very supportive - I found out late so it involved a hospital procedure. At no time did he attempt to persuade me of anything. The event made me realise I didn't see our relationship as serious but it was a few months before we broke up.

AlmondLoaf · 27/03/2025 17:13

Ah right then you probably ovulated early which is possible, if sperm survived 5 days that took you to day 11.
Maybe the morning after pill failed, this is why they say never have sex unless you are ttc unfortunately.

Sarah2891 · 27/03/2025 17:11

I wouldn't tell him. I know you say he doesn't want more kids but he might feel differently if he knows you are pregnant.