mother of my child & partner

Oh boo hoo - is your partner not giving you enough attention? She is feeding your son and sleeping when she can. I exclusively breastfed until 18 months for all 3 as none took a bottle - even though I tried. I didn’t sleep in same room as my husband for a year with our second - he looked after the oldest one. Man up and support your wife - don’t criticise her. Feel free to stop the baby climbing over the sofa.

This is a really tough time of parenting where your partner in particular is probably exhausted. I get that you want a bit of space but you need to trust her to make decisions in the best interest of your child. He's a very lucky baby to still be breastfeeding and when you are breastfeeding and doing all the night wake ups you get to say what sleeping arrangements works best for you. It won't last forever. Please tell her how proud you are of her for breastfeeding and doing so much for your child. It's a massive commitment and yes it is exhausting!! If you see him doing something you think he shouldn't for his own safety why would you wait for her to say something?

But anyone can prep and clean bottles - breastfeeding all falls on one person which is exhausting if your baby wakes at night for feeds that nobody can help with.

It's also exhausting as they get older and are heavier and more inclined to wriggle around - one of mine needed to be vigorously contained and he was strong and heavy which was a different kind of exhausting.

I'm really surprised you've never heard of breastfeeding mothers being exhausted before - I think most parents that do night feeds/wakings are tired for the first few years aren't they?

My kids always came in my bed in the night. I put them to sleep in their own beds and they would migrate as soon as they woke up. I think we are evolutionarily programmed to not want to be on our own in the dark at 1, so your partner is doing the right thing if your child feels safe and you can all get some sleep. Your child will grow out of it in time.

You absolutely can be the person to tell a 1 year old not to climb on the sofa or windowsill!

Since when was breastfeeding exhausting? Certainly wasn’t my experience and I’ve never ever heard it be described as such before? Far easier than prepping, cleaning & sterilising bottles.
If it’s exhausting then there’s probably a deficiency of some sort. Iron I expect.

I feel really sorry for your partner.

She has clearly made a choice to feed her child in a way that:

1. Is in line with the most current research and NHS guidelines.
2. Means that the burden solely lies with her.
3. Is ultimately physically and emotionally exhausting.

Yet instead of being grateful for the fact that she is behaving in a loving and selfless way towards your child, you criticise and judge.

She is probably at the most vulnerable stage of life that she will ever be in so maybe she could do with a champion rather than a critic.

Your baby is 1. Your expectations are totally unreasonable. The fact that she's breastfeeding at a year is amazing. You should be so proud of her. Its bloody hard work. It's physically and emotionally draining. You really should be praising her and appreciating her rather than criticising. The feeding on demand and feeding in bed you are being unreasonable about.

However, i think you are right. You both need to follow through when you said to climbing on the sofa or window sill. That's dangerous. I think pick and your battles and focus on safety rather than other behaviour.

Having a 1 year old and breastfeeding is tough. How much support are you giving her? How much housework and parenting are you doing? FYI, the more parenting and household stuff you do the less tired your wife will be.

This.

You don’t want your son to feed when he’s hungry “at his own choice”??

Your partner is keeping your son alive, you sound jealous. He’s only one, maybe if he was 5 I’d agree with you. He’s still a baby.

When it comes to night feeds the easier the better. I found by co-sleeping and feeding in demand I got more rest. It was never an issue long term, they all weaned and they all went to their beds. They have happily had sleepovers, they knew when the boob was there or not and coped just fine without it if they were being looked after by someone else (I worked night shifts so wasn't there all the time).

He is one. She is (I imagine) severely sleep deprived, essentially a milking cow at the moment. She will be on edge 24/7 as she is solely responsible for keeping a small human alive. The pressure and responsibility of that is insane, you can never switch off. To me she sounds exhaiusted and like she's doing what she can to get through each day/night.

In terms of sleepovers at her mums, if he's exclusively breastfed and needs feeding in the night, that is unrealistic. You would both need to make attempts to wean him to a bottle or cup if that's a goal.

Things like climbing over the sofa, you can set your own boundaries with. You can tell him (and indirectly her) that it is dangerous to climb there.

Have conversations with her to see where you can support her with the things that 'bother' you. She may feel the same but be overwhelmed with knowing how to deal with it.

You need to communicate with your partner? She probably finds it easier to let him sleep with her in the bed if she's breastfeeding at night, it means she is able to get some sleep instead of being up and down in the night with him. You are both parents and should be able to discuss how you manage things like the baby climbing over the sofa to get to the windowsill - is he standing on the windowsill? Are you worried about him falling and hurting himself? Talk to your partner, not in a critical way but just 'I'm worried about this, do you think it's safe' etc

You can tell him no to climbing over the couch to the windowsill. And anything else you see dangerous - your the dad and allowed to discipline too
But it is unreasonable to police how she breastfeeds him

How old is your child?

If you can't do the feeding, you can't critique the way your partner does it.

Unless of course your son is 18?