mother of my child & partner

Which extreme opinion have I expressed here?

user9632579 · Yesterday 12:00

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 11:05
Why do weird posts always have a poster name beginning with “user”?

Sorry?

Out there posts with extreme opinions frequently have a poster with a name beginning with User. Breast feeding a 6 year old is extreme.

There seems to be a lot going on here.

1. Don’t tell your partner she is some sort of slack mother for feeding your child.
2. He will stop bf when he’s ready, and it sounds like he is being put to sleep in his own room.
3. It comes across that you want her to do the discipline, but that she needs to do it to your style. Is that fair? It seems that you see getting him to stay in bed is her job, and you just give her feedback when it fails to happen to your expectations.
4. If you are really strict, given to shouting then yes, she will react against that.
5. You can remove him from the sofa/window sill, without using it as a stick to tell your partner that she’s sub-standard.

You do come across as quite the disciplinarian, which will not make for a happy home- in either the short or long term.

Sorry?

Because she wants to. I can do what I want with my body. That's the whole point.

Yes. 6. I've just said that.

Indeed

The only thing you are reasonable about is not letting him climb to the windowsill. I mean WTF??? He's one??? Can't you help with boundaries???

Rest of it, completely unreasonable. Guessing you want the bed and the boobs back for your own needs. Aw shucks.

You have a child now. Time to grow up.

At one years old they would have limited understanding of what is socially expected of them.
They also only hear the last one or two words. So if you say don't climb sofa, they'll hear climb sofa.
Instead you could distract with what's daddy doing over here?
Or feed on carpet.
But children need to engage their core muscles to help with being continent. So climbing is very important.
What could you provide within your home for your child to climb on instead?
People bed share. From your infants point of view, you're in bed with mum - why can't they?

Why do weird posts always have a poster name beginning with “user”?

Why on earth?

And milk should not be a one year old’s main source of nutrition.

You are new to parenting. I understand why you are expressing your thoughts and it's a shame some folk have bashed you for it. Firstly, good on mummy for breastfeeding for a year. It is hard work, especially at the beginning. I am sure you are both exhausted still at this new family dynamic.

I don't think it is unreasonable to hope that at 1 year old the child is starting to be moved into its own bedroom, as by now, they will also be on solid food and not wholly dependant on milk for their nourishment. In an ideal world, they would be sleeping through the night at this age.

Apart from the comfort of the breast, you are an equal parent in all other aspects of raising and nurturing your child. Be the daddy and maybe have a discussion about how you both agree on guiding your child, teaching your child and keeping them safe. Keep communication open, honest and respectful - you are both still learning and navigating your way.

Do you know anything about child development and normal infant behaviour OP? Breastfeeding on demand is what human babies are designed to do, we’re mammals. Likewise sleeping with parents. Your baby is normal, your partner is doing the best thing she can meeting his normal baby needs.

As he’s used to being bf and cosleeping I agree that having a night away from him is unrealistic at this point but it doesn’t mean she’s doing anything wrong day to day. They’re not little for long, you’ve got decades ahead you can have nights away.

At 6?!

Feeding a 1 year old on demand - normal

Baby coming into your bed - get used to it, he's going to do that for a while yet. I can't remember what age mine were when they stopped, but definitely older than 5.

Climbing on furniture - if it's unsafe then that's a no and you need to reinforce that.

Your 6yo is still breastfed?

Almost correct.

At home they can yes.

Just turned one he should still be feeding on demand and will want to duffle in the night things will calm once he's over 18m

Don't let him climb in dangeours places

It sounds like your partner is feeding on demand, rather than giving into your child as your post suggests. Presumably, they've started on solids too? Your partner will continue to breast feed as long as she's able/wants to - and that's entirely up to her. She has nurtured your child and is simply being a mum.
I don't quite understand how a one year old is already clambering over furniture to get to windowsills etc., but if they are that's for you both to manage and ensure your child comes to no harm. As for co-sleeping, sometimes this is just what happens. My nearly 7 year old still gets in my bed at about 3 in the morning - and that's ok! If he needs his mum, he needs his mum. He's highly unlikely to be doing it at 18,

I don't know if this is a jealousy issue, but it sounds very similar to a friend of mine whose husband started sulking when their baby was 6 months as he felt her boobs should be his and not his child's etc. Utterly pathetic. I'm sorry if this isn't the case, but thought I'd mention it.

As parents, you have to do what's best for your child and your own well being. If that means breast feeding and co sleeping, so be it. If you both want to go away a night, your partner needs to either express and you get your child comfortable with taking a bottle or you wait a while. I waited with all of mine, but fully support others that don't - we all need time to just be ourselves and reconnect a bit.

Your child is 6 and you allow them to "get your breasts out" whenever they please? Or have I read your comment wrong?

One?

So it's his main source of nutrition.

You'd hate me as dc 6 does this.

Sounds like parenting isn't for you.

Why is it you think you're in control of her body?

Fgs. Gross.

It kind of sounds a little like you’re jealous of the time and attention he has the monopoly on. I’m assuming she’s a first time mum too and learning as she goes as well. She’s likely settled into a routine/ rhythm that works for her and your son and to be honest, you probably don’t come onto the radar very much. This stage is just that, a stage. You’ll get your time together back eventually, but right now it sounds like mama just wants to be there for her baby whilst he’s so little and needs her so much.

If there are elements of parenting you feel strongly about, i.e. sleeping in own bed etc. then do some proper research into those areas and chat to her about what methods/ ideas you’ve discovered. Saying “I want him in his own room” is not helpful. It would be much more helpful to say “I’d like to start getting him used to sleeping his own bedroom as I feel it is developmentally appropriate at his age, I have read x/y/z books and articles on the matter, a/b/c research suggests the following benefits etc. etc. etc.”
That doesn’t mean she’ll agree with you, she may not be ready for change, mama’s find it very hard to let go of the mir babies as they grow, but at least if you’ve given it serious thought and show you’re trying to take some initiative, it won’t fall in deaf ears.

In terms of climbing is she around with him all day? She might just have a more accurate sense of his abilities. Although obviously you don't want him to be seriously hurt, children do need to have the freedom to explore and experiment a little and sometimes they will get a bump but that is how they learn to have confidence in their own abilities.

Is she wanting to cut down the night feeds? Ours were a bit older than your son, more like 18 months. When she feels ready then it is probably much easier for you to get him used to not feeding at night because whenever he smells her he thinks milk. We taught them to self soothe first www.snoozeshade.com/pages/elizabeth-pantly-gentle-removal?srsltid=AfmBOoqDNTOBhiXashYdsdwDnD8FnSsxOyBdFbFu1P0qnkCP1QzaYC3J and then dh took a week off work and settled them in the evening and then throughout the night whenever they woke up. He didn't get much sleep though. It will be tough for you, less so for your partner because she will get to sleep through the night. Talk to your partner and be prepared to step up when she is ready.