Mother's Day - AIBU

I wouldn’t remind him. Just like I put a note a couple of weeks before Father’s Day in my diary to get sorted (just because I don’t like being last minute personally), he can adult in the same way.

Look

Myself and DH agree that Mother’s and Father’s Day is mainly about money, you can show you love your parents or appreciate each other as parents any day.

However, it takes 2 minutes to order a card or go to the shop on the way home from work to grab some flowers. You clearly make a deal out of it on Father’s Day, he knows how much Mother’s Day means to you so the fact he can’t be bothered shows lack of care and appreciation for you

if something means something to your spouse, show a bit of effort

I think he’s selfish and clearly lacks any thoughtfulness, gaurenteed he is like this in other ways too

I agree

Just don’t do anything for Father’s Day and if he moans tell him it’s the relationship between father and child

Agree with everything you’ve said here

What I don’t get is women get treated like this, like they are some shit on his shoe for expecting anything, and they still make an effort on Father’s Day instead of taking themselves out for the day and leaving him with the kids.

Yes, good point. @TheLionKing1993 does he still have his own DM? Does he organise anything for her?

This would be my approach too.

We don't make a very big thing of either Mother's Day or Father's Day, but being appreciated is nice. I usually get cards and some chocolate from my now adult "children" and that is fine.

It isn't just for children either. I am 58 and have just returned from visiting my own elderly mother (she's 89) and I left a Mother's Day card there for her to open at the weekend.

The rest of it is irrelevant, he asked you to remind him and then he had a go at you 😐. He is being completely unreasonable. What are you going to do about his disrespect OP?

“As I would expect him to do for me” is what’s key isn’t it. There’s absolutely nothing to suggest that he does. This is clearly bigger than a card.

I think that Moonpig is the lazy way of sending a card, surely buying a card, or making a card, isn't too onerous and is far more personal. Having said that I got a lovely Moonpig card from my granddaughter on the other side of the world, full of photos of them.

Why couldn’t he set a reminder on his phone to order a card? It’s a bit shit to ask the recipient of the card to remind him to order it!

Don’t mother him, don’t remind him that he had to get a gcard by this date or that. He’s a grown assed man who can get said ass into gear when it suits him. If Mother’s Day is important to you, and it’s one of the few holidays that’s very important to me, you have to tell him that you expect xyz and that it’s non negotiable. Then do not remind him. He’s not forgetting, he just doesn’t care and doesn’t think you’re worth putting the effort into to do this for you. I’m saying this as someone who has been through it and it’s not about him forgetting Mother’s Day it’s about him having zero respect for you and not giving a shit about any consequences to his behaviour. How dare he tell YOU to remind him! And don’t think so little of yourself that you DO remind him. I can tell you right now, if you were a new woman in his life and he was invested, you wouldn’t need to remind him of anything. This isn’t about Mother’s Day, he’s treating you like shit and you’ve ended up practically begging a man to do something as simple as get you a card and that’s really upsetting, you’re worth more than that, but until you stop tearing yourself this way, he will never stop treating you this way either. Sit down with him, tell him that you won’t ever be reminding him of how to treat you properly, tell him what you expect, obviously within reason and tell him if he can’t deliver the basic minimum that you’re out the door. No one deserves to be treated like they’re nothing OP. You’d be as happy buying yourself a card so what’s the point of him? What’s he actually even doing to make it worth your while being with him. You don’t deserve it so don’t tolerate it. As I’ve said, never mind these posts about oh the poor baby must be stressed - fuck him, it’s a bloody card, he’s not fighting front line in a war. He can order a card. You should never have to ask! Tell him to get his shit together or piss off. And happy Mother’s Day when it comes. 🌸🌺🌷

Surely he has a phone if he wanted a reminder he couldn't set one. You shouldn't be taking responsibility for reminding him to do things for you for mother's day

Jesus Christ the bar is low for some people on here. So what if YOU think that Mother’s Day is ‘commercial claptrap). Some of us aren’t so miserable that we can’t see the point of taking the opportunity to turn it into a fun and lovely day, it doesn’t have to cost any money. Me and oh could take it or leave it, but we do it because our kids are aware of what day it is, and would be bloody devastated if they had nothing to give us. My oh didn’t bother one year and my dd2 who was around 6 at the time tried her best to make me a model out of straws and sellotape, and when she gave it to me and it fell apart she burst into tears. Oh hasn’t forgotten since. Op has mentioned Moonpig because it’s him repeatedly bringing up that that was what he was going to do and keeps forgetting, she was trying to help the useless prick. And moonpig is the least amount of effort to go to, he doesn’t even have to go to a bloody shop. He could do it on his phone, right now in about 90 seconds.

Stop putting the energy into reminding your DH.

Make some nice arrangements with your kids for mother's Day and ask them to make you a card.

Yeah this. Why does it have to specifically from Moonpig?!

How old is your child? Unless under about 2, they can make something that resembles a card. If very young, I'd expect your DH to help with this. Otherwise your DC can sort it themselves.

I find it ironic that you say you don't expect to be showered in gifts, but you clearly do expect something along the lines of the sort of hamper you make your DH (does he like this? Or just pretend to?) and a moonpig card.

If my spouse reacted like he did, I would think he was stressed. So I would ask myself if I was putting too much on him, as I would expect him to do for me. Instead of focusing on a card!

Sorry pressed the wrong one on the poll .. no your not being unreasonable at all

OP wasn’t demanding a card though was she? He asked her to remind him!

And even if you work 14 hour days, as someone who has done, it’s not an excuse to miss a birthday or event you need to buy something for. I didn’t have anyone reminding me to be an adult!

Why does the card have to be ordered? Why are you telling him what card to get? Why cant he just get one from a shop?

Well if I was working 14 hour days, and my spouse didn't work, and when I got home they were nagging me to do xyz, I'd probably react badly too.

I was trying to get context for his reaction, maybe he's unhappy in other ways, but I suppose we could just ignore that and demand a card.

Does he get you anything for your birthday or Christmas? He sounds like he makes no effort for you and it's not good enough.