Is my bf losing interest or am I being absolutely ridiculous?

I think you need to have a sit down discussion with your boyfriend and just let him know how you are feeling. To be honest, I sometimes forget or do not text my husband during the day if I’m working. We live together so I don’t personally feel like we have to message during the day. My husband has never worried about this. Sometimes we can go out with friends, or be at home on social media and do not reply to each other. I don’t think this is a problem.

So your boyfriend has a new job and that can be quite a big life change, I’d say cut him some slack but that doesn’t mean he can’t care about your life, your day etc. He probably doesn’t even realise he’s being like this.

The way I see it is if you love someone, live with them you should be able to tell them how you feel.

With kindness I would feel so suffocated by you if I was him and I think you should be concerned about pushing him away with your behaviour. Have you done any work on your attachment style? It sounds like you might have an anxious attachment and are reassurance seeking from him. If you haven’t done any work on this I’d recommend reading attached.

Here’s a thing OP. He could text you ALL THE TIME and still leave you. He gives no indication that he’s planning anything of the sort. He even says “I’ll always love you!” FfS! I don’t think my DH has even said that! If you fuss about this you’ll end up getting what you don’t want. Stop testing the availability of the affection, or it might not be available anymore! Start asking yourself “why do I find myself wanting to be reassured all the time?”.

Wow. If you’re older than 15 I sincerely hope you chill out or you will, most certainly, drive him away. Time to grow up and stop being so pathetic.

I think its normal to text more in the beginning of a relationship and natural for that to fade. DH used to ring me every day when he was on way home from work, it got annoying as I'd be in the middle of something myself, in the end I said just message if you're running late. Messaging should be nice/fun but it sounds like he now feels pressured as you're overthinking it and questioning the frequency and even content.

If he tells you he's happy then believe him, he hasn't given you a reason not to. I expect his new job is busier and he gets there and cracks straight on. Maybe he is having lunch with his new colleagues to build relationships and doesn't want to appear rude sat on his phone.

Make sure you have a wider support network and use your time to connect or reconnect with your wider social circle

You sound very, very young. But even so.. I would go nuts if my dh texted me everyday, even when we were younger. It's exhausting. You see him in the morning and in the evening and you're not 14 I take it so no need to be texting during the day. He's busy with work and I would suggest you get busy as well so you don't have the time to invent problems that don't exist.

Jeez you sound like hard work.

I don't think I've ever texted just to wish someone a nice day. I only ever say it to colleagues when I want them to do something for me. It's pointless to say it to someone you live with (presumably you can say it in person if you need to, then that's it).

And as I said liking posts doesn't require any thought or even much time compared to messaging someone.

How old are you?

Maybe he's never been that fussed about this (frankly bizarre) pattern of making it to work safe text cycle, or messaging on his lunch, but has done it for you. But now he doesn't have the headspace with the new job and it's not a priority.

You will 1000% push him away if you keep seeking reassurance. Just find a new hobby to keep you busy or go out with friends more until he's established himself at work and things will probably go back to normal.

Do you both have particularly dangerous journeys to work??

ffs OP - how old are you?! Pointless messages to and fro are exhausting surely. Hes busy at work!!

I understand everything you’re feeling.

I wonder if he can detect your insecurity and it’s making him feel a bit smothered and making him need a bit of space.

If I were in your shoes, I’d take my focus off him and put it on myself. See friends, focus on hobbies etc and let him come to you.

He's busy with his new job and this level of contact is exhausting for anyone

YANBU, trust your gut.

Even the busiest person takes time to communicate with someone they love, and humans are very good at picking up on subtle differences that show somebody is losing interest.

I don't think there's much you can do atm other than maybe pull back a little, get busy with your own stuff so you're not just chasing him and pining after his attention. And see how it goes.

IDK how long you've been together, do you have any designs on marriage or kids?

OP, you're taking a bit of a beating but, kindly, the sort of constant communication at the start of a relationship is almost never sustainable nor, frankly, healthy.

The only thing I'd be a bit concerned about is that he's not asking about YOUR day and life. BUT... if you're constantly texting him updates, perhaps he doesn't need to and also, he's clearly got a new job that's very busy and very stressful and so it's not weird for him to be a bit more self obsessed at the moment. Both Dh and I have had similar phases where we've started something new and it's taken up a lot more of our focus for a while.

To be honest, the level of texting previously sounds excessive to me. So it's understandable if he had a new, busy, stressful job, that he would cut back on that. Nothing about his behaviour seems to suggest that he is less interested in you. Just that he is a bit more preoccupied with his job.

This amount of neediness is going to drive him away faster than the speed of light. You sound exhausting with micro managing and over analysing his texting habits. Calm your boots and enjoy the positives - don’t be manufacturing drama when there isn’t any.

Are you a fan of reality TV shows perchance? I swear this is the cause of so many women dissecting every tiny granule of their partners behaviour and reading more into things than war and peace.

OP you sounds very young and unsure. Please take time to work on your anxiety and also build more busyness into your own life so you don’t have time to worry about these non issues. I’m guessing this is your first serious relationship in your 20s. He may or may not be your long term person but don’t waste your twenties stressing over whether a man has texted you at lunch.

Do you live in a war zone? Why do you have to text each other to say you've made it to work safely?? 🙄 honestly, the amount of scrutiny and analysis of his texting and social media use suggests you have a problem. The poor guy is busy at work and preoccupied with that. Don't let your insecurity destroy a good relationship.

It does seem like your thoughts revolve around him and you need to get some balance. How come you have so much time to think about texting and checking his Instagram? Aren't you working or having lunch with your team mates etc?

It's great that you went to the gym the day he got home early. I don't see that as a negative!

I think you need to relax and have other interests, socialise with more people other than him.

You're being absolutely ridiculous.

Stop asking him for reassurance. Stop obsessing over whether he has texted you. Stop checking whether he's been on social media. Stop analysing the words he uses to tell you he loves you. Your behaviour is unhealthy and over-anxious.

You don't need to be texting each other every lunchtime ffs.

Stop monitoring whether he's on social media, my god.

I am very very very often on social media instead of tackling my messages backlog because I don't need to think to hand out a like and I don't have time to get sucked into a chat.

What on earth do you even text about multiple times per day?

I would seriously suggest some therapy to assess whether you could have anxious attachment issues. Also, seriously, some hobbies/interests of your own so you’re not tempted to check if your bf has been on social media that day. Honestly, that way madness lies.