DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

You’re going to need to explain to your DH before she blows shit up.

I'd tell my DH and then tell everyone what she did. Your parents, her family. Screenshots of any messages she sent about it at the ready if they don't believe you.

Oh and then never speak to her again, obviously.

I’d say go ahead. I’ve already told him and I’m now going to the police. Make sure you have every thing in screen shots.

OP, my sister has various narcissistic traits and this is the sort of thing she would do to me given half a chance.

I'm NC now, but in the past she's lured me into conversations where she slags off a family member, then goes and tells them I was the one criticising them.

She's tried turning different family members against me, especially our DM, which has never worked as they all know on some level that she's a troublemaker. She's also tried turning me against our DM by relaying their conversations to me. I learnt young not to engage with her drama.

In this scenario, I would 100% explain the situation to DH and other family members with the aim of taking away her power.

Just tell him the truth. Theres no other option. Get evidence of her threats and report her to the police. Cut her off.

Tell the police. Take the power away.

Blackmail is an offence.

Do you feel safe with your DH - as in, you’re nervous of his reaction but do you have any reason to fear him? Is there a reasonable prospect when you explain context etc he will understand and not be offended / angry or is that unlikely?

Depending on that context I’d probably just tell your DP, if it’s safe and will probably work out ok.

Separately - as in whether you tell him or not - I’d go to police. You can tell them you need your DH not to know if there is any kind of violence / abuse concern.

Of course she continue to use it and even if you do what she wants every time will likely still use it at some point.

Only way is to sit down and work out how to tell DH and put it in context first or really bloody apologise for carless remarks to him- and if you have any texts or e-mails referencing blackmail - go to police with them - if they'll be interested can't say. I'd also make it know to any wider family that Dsis is recording conversations doctoring and attempting to blackmail people.

Only way to to confont this situation head on try and get ahead and completely take away her power.

Do you actually have any proof she even has a recording? How did she manage to get it at the time without you noticing? And why is she only bringing it up now?

Is there a reason you can’t just be honest with your DH? Tell him exactly what you’ve said here… that you said something to your sister, she’s taken a clipped recording out of context and is now attempting to blackmail you with it. Most adults in a loving healthy relationship would understand this.

It’s the only way to remove her perceived power in the situation.

It all sounds totally bizarre to me. Family members secretly recording each other to blackmail them at a later date

You've got to tell him now, OP. Explain the context and tell him that this relative recorded part of the conversation to use against you and to blow up the family. It's blackmail you are accusing her of, which is a serious matter, so be sure of your facts first.
If he believes this woman rather than you, then your relationship has a problem anyway and it's best to address it before any explosion happens.

Blow it up and get it over with. Get evidence of her threats. Then tell your husband. Then turn her into the police for blackmailing you.

Tell her to go ahead and do it and make sure you have proof that she has threatened you with this.
tell her if she does you will go to the police as blackmail is a criminal offence and you have proof.
Then never contact her again because she is a terrible person who means you harm
tell your DH to take this power, i am not saying this is easy but it prevents you being threatened by this awful women ever again.
tell your mother as well so that she has the full facts about what a cretin her other daughter is.

Be honest. Don't give into blackmail.

Without knowing what it is it's hard to gauge.

Is it you saying you wouldn't have married him?

I would sit him down and tell him and do damage limitation, mostly because it's better than the alternative which is having it hanging over you.

How about the Downton Abbey solution? Give in to her demands, but make your sister sign a legally binding confession to extortion beforehand?

Seriously, what she’s doing is a crime.

Can you not speak to your DH and explain?

Hard to say more since we don’t know what recording says or what she wants you to do.

I can understand why you are feeling so conflicted and stressed by this, @InsufficantLizard. I tend to agree with the posters who have said you shouldn't be giving in to blackmail, and that it would be better to tell your dh what is happening, and that your sister has a recording which, out of context, sounds bad, but really isn't. He may want to know what was said, but he might not.

I would then tell your sister that your dh knows all about it, and that if she carries on, you will report her to the police because blackmail is a criminal offence.

Get ahead of the game by telling DH your side first, and explain why what she has is out of context. That way you and he can try and resolve it without her putting her size nines, in and when she does she won’t get the reaction she expects

Agree with pps that it depends what it is that you are saying, but generally the best thing is just to get it sorted out, explain the situation to your DH. If it’s genuinely the context that makes it sound so awful then explain that.
Eg “ I snogged Dave “ vs “when I was 16 I snogged Dave” .

This will be one of those threads where the OP writes once or twice and then never again….

Call her bluff. Tell DH and report this Blaxkmail to police s. To support your claim that it's fake/out of context the police report should show your DH that it's her being a dick.

I would tell her to get out of your pub.

If you give in to her, it makes you look guilty

This is genius!

I would play her at her own game. Have another conversation asking her not to share, but record it yourself

Then I would tell DH, because that way you can explain it was out of context and I would play the recording of her threatening you with blackmail

report her to the police

don’t even threaten it

just do it