DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

Also, surely you dh will be able to see how unhinged she is? The sneaky recording and then blackmailing you

I'd own up to dh, explain what you've told us here, that it was out of context, it's the o ly way to take the power back. Even if she doesn't go through with it this time, do you really want her having this hold over you for the foreseeable future? Fess up, cut her off and never have anything to do with her again. She sounds hideous!

I would definitely talk to DH and never see sis again.

I would as well!

God, how dramatic you all are.

There are two issues here:

1. what you said
2. being blackmailed

It seems you have actually said something problematic, so own up to it. Tell your husband what was said. If he is offended or thinks less of you…then okay? He’s allowed to feel that way and take time to digest what you said. Chances are that even if he doesn’t like what you said, he won’t automatically agree that the blackmail is okay.

He might be disappointed with your actions but still support you with the blackmail. This obviously means you can ignore your sister or if she tells him, he’s already aware.

I don’t think it’s fair for you to hide this from him or control how he feels about it though. It comes across like you said something that will be offensive to him, so it’s okay if he thinks differently of you. You might not like it and that might make you uncomfortable but ultimately you did do it and you may need to make amends.

You’d allow yourself to be blackmailed? Where would that end?

I wouldnt give in to her blackmail. I couldn’t have it hanging over me.

perhaps you’re overthinking what she had on you? So it depends what you said.

i had a convo earlier with my friend talking about the series adolescence and incels/ male culture etc. I said something like ‘I’d be happy enough being on my own. I don’t need my Dh’. All true but the next bit was ‘I’m with him because I love him not because I need him’. So out of context if Dh heard the first bit he might be upset. But he would understand if I told him the context and the full convo.

Get in first.

Make her send it. No blackmail.

100% this. NEVER give in to blackmail. This problem will never go away if you do.

Get ahead of this!
Tell DH the context and then what was said and then that your sister is blackmailing you.
Take the power back from her then have no more to do with her.

If you have genuinely done nothing wrong, then I can't see why you wouldn't tell DH and then go to the police if you like.

What did you say? Why has your sis recorded it? Recording takes a degree of planning so she suspected something you were doing wasn't right and has been able to record you.

Are u sure you are as innocent as you are making out? And what does your sis want you to do?

I would explain what you said to your husband and what she's patially recorded you saying. Tell him she's trying to blackmail you and you need it to stop. I'm sure he'll be on your side to stop the bullying. You cannot give in, because it will keep happening.

I think I’d probably just ignore her.

I think we cannot say fuck all unless you say what it was. But when in anger people say all sorts. It's better to let it have no value. Explain to your partner she's on a mad one.

Everyone can say 'i hate my partner' to their sister if they feel angry. Don't give it any leverage. Your husband won't abandon you over it. It's her who's gonna come out looking the arse hole.

Explain it to your husband - but putting it into context. From what you say, it is only out of context that it is really bad. By pre-empting your sister, you get the correct interpretation across, rather than her message. I would then call the police (hopefully with your DH’s support) and let your family know.

your relationship with sister is bad, don’t do anything to save it. Cut it.

Oh and stop messaging her. She cannot be trusted with what you say.

The only sensible way out of this is to tell your DH. Otherwise she’ll hold it over you forever. And if you have evidence, let her know you’re reporting her to the police.

You need to take her power away.

You say it’s out of context. Sit your DH down and tell him you said something in the moment that out of context doesn’t sound good. That it might be hurtful and he might be upset and angry and you are sorry. Then tell your sister to fuck off.

You don’t say what you’ve said so hard to advise…. But if your relationship is a good one you can get through this.

Honestly, your best bet is to tell your husband whatever it is she is holding over you before your sister does. If you don't, she'll be holding this over your head for the rest of your life.

Once you've done this, you could also consider escalating to the police, as what she's doing is blackmail, which is a crime. But tell your husband first.

I’d report her for blackmail .

Tell your husband. Why wouldn't he believe you?

Yep 👍

Tell your husband. If you don't it looks like you are keeping things from him and have something to hide. You can't control how he'll react. You can control some of the impact and the control and manipulation from your sister by bringing this into the light.