DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

If she is blackmailing you and you have all the texts etc I would go to the police - this is blackmail!! Either way this is going to damage the family - but at least your DH will know you are serious and that you have told the police the truth! You need to get the power back and tell him though.

Take the power away from her, grit your teeth and tell your dh. It’ll be so much worse if/when it comes out and if you let her blackmail you, she’ll continue to do so.

If she doesn't use it this time, she will hold onto it for next time. Then even more time will have passed and it will be more difficult for you to speak to your DH, and he will be more suspicious of what's gone on. You have no real choice here.

Make sure you have evidence of the blackmail to show your DH and your DM, the police too if necessary. And cut your sister dead from now on.

If your husband believes your sister over you, then you don't have much of a marriage anyway.

OPs sister?

Agree with calling the Police.

If she is asking for money, that is a crime.

I'm sure a visit from them might help put her in her box.

The things is your DH will find out sooner or later, and it's better if he hears from you

If you have evidence, tell your sister blackmail is a criminal offense and you are reporting her to the police. Then do it, and tell your DH what happened.

Then cut your sister out of your life. Did she think she was going to shake money out of you?

Put it in context then.

If you want proper advice you would be far better saying what it is.

However I would come clean on the lot to DH. I'd tell him the secret, the context and the truth about why you're divulging. I would put all my energy into that relationship.

That will take all of her power away. I would never ever have anything to do with the stupid bitch ever again.

Tell your DH, explain the context in full and let him be upset if he's going to be.
Surely he'd stick with you over your DSis, unless what you said was truly damning?

I definitely wouldn't try to reason with her or confront her, or just wait and see.

Invite her round to tell your dh this secret she holds over you, silly cow doesn't she know blackmail is an offense. Is it really so bad you couldn't tell your dh who needs to be on your side.,block her, how does she plan to tell him, what does she want in return. What a nasty bitch.

I would do this then cut all contact with sister.

Do you have evidence of her blackmail attempts?

Take the power back. Explain the situation to your DH and anyone else you think needs to know, along with the evidence you have. You know that what was recorded has been taken out of context, so explain that she is blackmailing you, explain the context, apologise for any distress caused, and share the evidence you have about the truth of the situation.

Depending upon where you are and what your sister has been doing and saying, you might also want to report her to the police.

Speak to DH now. Tell him about the recording, what it says and give him the full context. Apologise if it’s upsetting to him, even in context.
Then tell him that your sister has been trying to blackmail you with the recording, tell your DM and anyone else that will listen that your sister blackmailed you and threatened to blow up your marriage.
Then, go NC.

Telling him with context will it still be bad?

You have to tell your DH and give him the context. Otherwise you carry on living in fear of your sister.

Well, what did you say that's so destructive?

Do you and your sister live in an episode of Eastenders?

Your husband can believe your honest answer or SIL (with whom I'm sure he's aware of the relationship issues). Only he can decide what to do. Whatever the outcome, time to go No Contact with her.

No doubt she will deny the blackmail to other family members. Just have a standard phrase to reply to family members who ask " why dont you see your sister any more?"

Something like " oh, she tried to blackmail me and destroy my marriage, so we dont talk anymore. I dont wish to discuss it. How have you been? ( change the subject)

Dont discuss it or go into detail. Dont ask family to chose sides, just carry on being you and focus on your nourishing relationships !

Tell your husband. It’s not healthy for your relationship with him to depend on another person’s actions! Don’t you want him to love you warts and all? Securing a person’s love based on them not knowing something you have done is not love.

I would both explain to DH that you are being blackmailed by your sister, and if you have evidence report to the police.

I can't get over how someone could do this to their own sister. She must really hate you OP. How horrible and distressing. What has suddenly caused her to react like this? Have you had a row recently?

You mention 3 options:

reasoning with her - you already have a strained relationship and she's willing to blab your 'secret'...I think we all know you'd be on a hiding to nothing with that.

tell your DH - seems reasonable, if you tell him the whole story and how what she has recorded has been taken out of context and take the flak from him.

wait it out - what? and never sleep easy again knowing she could 'blow
everything up' in a heartbeat without you knowing she's about to do it?

As others have said, I think the best option is to discuss with your DH. You mention 'others' that she could send the recording to; who are these others? your family, DH family, friends?? Why would it matter if they knew?

So difficult to provide advice when we don't know the context of what caused your sister to do this, what she recorded/what you did etc.