DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

I'd leave it alone and avoid her. If she ever does it she will come off worse because noone likes people that behave that way and deep down she probably knows it.

Once she's done it she has lost all control and power and that's what she actually wants.

I’d tell your dh so you have control. Then tell your sis you have told him, won’t be blackmailed then kick her out of your life for good

She sounds like an unhinged bitch that would tell him regardless

Show him the messages from SIL with the context if he's a decent man he'll be out raged that someone is trying to hurt you in this way

If your family will be destroyed then at least have it be at your hand and take away the power she feels be doing it, and hearing the explanation from you will be the best chance you have of mitigating the damage.

I'd get proof that she was blackmailing me then tell her and threaten to go to the police. Tell her that blackmail is a crime (unlike, I'm guessing, whatever it is she has on you?). If she doesn't back off then go to the police and then tell your dh everything. He'll find out anyway, even if you give in to her blackmail threats as she'll keep coming back for more and you'll be in a constant state of panic. Better you tell dh in your own words before she gets chance to but I'd definitely report her to the police, if only to stop her doing it to anyone else.

What did you say, and what does she want from you? Impossible to comment without the facts.

You said it so own it. If it's out of context then explain the context.

You are stuck either way, so just tell DH. You said with context it’s not that bad. The only way this will blow up your family is if you let it. Get ahead, tell him, laugh it off. Let your DSis do whatever she wants. Clearly she wants something from you and is trying very hard to get it. DH should be aware of that also.

Tell your DH about it and explain the context and that she’s been blackmailing you - you could even say she’s made it sound worse by faking bits with AI, whether that’s a morally ok thing to tell your DH or not only you can decide

So you say it first and you let people's response be the measure of whether you want them in your life. If someone can't understand that you misspoke or were taken out of context then why bother.

You don’t give into terrorists.

She’s planning to throw a bomb into your family and she will continue to do so, regardless of what “ransom” you pay her.

Tell her to do what she must and manage the fall out, at least she’s rewarded you of her plans so you can work out how best to defuse the situation 🤷‍♀️

OP - is it slagging your DH off ?

He will likely get over that, particularly if it was during a rough patch.

This. Presuming whatever she’s got over you isn’t illegal then she’ll come out of it worse.

Without knowing the context police may be inappropriate.

For all we know the dsis might have recording of OP saying DM's signature lemon drizzle cake tastes like socks and unless OP gives dsis her secret scone recipe she is going to tell her.

Or she has a recoding of OP saying she fantasises about shagging her BIL because he is hot and her dh is getting a bit boring and unless she gives her a lift to Tesco on Saturday morning she will tell.

Police are really not going to be interested in family playground drama!

Why would he believe her over you? If you want her to stop threatening you you have to tell him.

Record her blackmailing you then threaten the police.

I think two pronged. I would tell Dh because if it comes from her it looks like you are scrambling in response so I would want to take control of it.

Secondly I would report her to the police for blackmail and even better if you have written evidence of it. If you don't try to get her to put it in writing to you, ask her for clarification. Two can play this game and she isn't holding the winning hand she thinks she is.

Without knowing what the recording is and what the thing she wants you to do is makes it pretty difficult to judge.

If you don't tell your DH, she will always hold the power.

I am assuming your DH already knows what your DSis is like and will know that this is exactly the kind of drama she revels in?

This. I would be inclined to fess up and then cut all contact with my sister. I’m usually very slow to say go NC but this is crazy toxic behaviour

If it was you saying your DH was useless, lazy, bad in bed etc…. That’s bad and he would be hurt but if explained and reasoned he might get over it after being angry for a while.

It is awful that your sister did this but there is a lesson there - loose lips sink ships.

Also, will the unreasonable thing she wants you to do still be relevant if you go NC with her? This isn’t ‘barely civil’, she’s broken that, so why have her in your life at all?

Blackmail is a criminal offence, however running to the police and saying 'my sister is blackmailing me' isn't enough to get them to do anything.

What evidence do you have of her blackmailing you? I presume she's not stupid enough to put it in texts etc. If it's only verbal, i'd be secretly recording every interaction with her and 'blackmail' her right back with threats of the police. Mutually assured destruction.

You need to tell your DH, Op, it's the only way to get control back. I would tell your sister this, and also tell her that you are considering reporting to the police as what she is doing is illegal.