DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

It sounds as though whatever you’ve said is going to come out anyway. It’s better to come from you and you have the chance to explain than for him to hear it from her and then your on the back foot.

You currently have the power - use it and remove hers.

She's a blackmailer and blackmailers, if successful, come back for more. Give in to her demands and before you know it there will be another unreasonable request.

The only way to be certain this stops is to tell your DH with as much context as possible

Speak to your DH with full, honest context. It’ll be painful, but not as painful as this sword hanging over your head. Write it down first. And then again. Make sure you have the details straight. Keep it to hand if you’re not sure you can speak about it.

Don’t bring the ‘out of context’ stuff up until your DH has had time to process what you tell them. Telling your truth will take power away from your sister in controlling your life.

@InsufficantLizard

What is it? What did you say?

I agree with pps that blackmailing is a criminal offence, but you can't report her and go through police/criminal charges etc, without said 'thing' coming out.

It’s always my approach. The one who goes first usually wins.

But if it’s fine with context, surely you just explain the context?!?

You can then tell her to go ahead because you've already told him and that you want nothing more to do with her.

Can you tell DH what you’ve told us. Tell him it’s out of context, even explain the context, without actually telling him.

Then tell DSis that you’ve told him.

Tell DH she's blackmailing you ASAP, that takes her power away and will give you peace of mind. If what you've said, taken in context, isn't awful then you've nothing to worry about.
Then you can decide whether to take this further with police etc. Blackmail is illegal and I'm fairly sure recording someone without their permission is too...

Call her bluff. Tell your husband - the fallout is a risk you need to take.

As she sounds like a complete bitch. NC sounds good.

Tell the people involved first. Explain the context and if she does, she'll look like a right blackmailing idiot.

Even if the shit does hit the fan, you'll still feel better if you speak up first and say you're being blackmailed.

Calmly sit your DH out and tell him factually. Your sister secretly recorded you saying something out of context, (I presume she led you to say this? If so, say that) and now she is threatening to damage the marriage. Now, I don’t know what you have said so it could go any which way but you need to get ahead of this, take ownership of what you said and why and how it impacts your DH.

Option 1 tell your dh and cross your fingers - out of context, manipulated and she thinks you will believe her over me and is trying to blackmail me as a result .. if he doesn’t take your part the relationship is already dead

option 2 have you family fall apart either quickly if she sends it or slowly if she uses it for further manipulation

you really have nothing to lose by telling him and everything to gain

It is difficult to advise without context. I'm imagining something like comments you made about a stepchild.

It's the timescales. Tell him and it's one hit; give in and you'll have to do so over and over.

I guess the other question is why don't you trust him to believe your side? As PPs said take evidence of the blackmail. Also think about attack being the best defence and how are you going to protect yourself from this happening again? Maybe don't spend time with her - and you need to tell DH why if you're going to get him onside with that.

Don't let this one thing spawn other secrets you need to keep from your husband.

How is she blackmailing, verbally, written? If it’s written, happy days, but she’d be stupid to do that.

If it was me, I’d fight fire with fire and get a recording of her if it’s verbal and turn the tables and threaten that you’ll ruin her by using it against her to bring her down hard.

problem is with me, having had shit thrown at me one too many times, I’ve become a bit of a nutcase with this type of thing and like a fight, taking people like this down causing as much harm to them as possible.

Never, ever give someone the power to blackmail you by doing what they ask. Take action before they do.

It's all how you have the conversation with DH.

"dsis and I were talking, I said this, she said this etc... Then she has secretly recorded me and clipped it to make it sound like I was saying this when I wasn't".

If it is genuinely out of context then your explanation should make sense.

But either way, I would rather blow up my life than let someone blackmail me.

Besides, even if she doesn't release it this time, it will always be hanging over your head until you tell the truth.

If it’s not that bad in context, then tell your partner the context before he hears the message out of context. Apologise for what you said and move on.

If you give her whatever it is that she wants, she’ll just weaponise it again and again.

She sounds v angry at you to resort to such a measure. Worth thinking about.

The only things my partner could say that would ruin our relationship was that he loved/wanted someone else and not me, but i can see how context could take it from statement to hypothetical if i'd died etc, but she must have had great timing for something like that.

If someone was blackmailing me unless my family’s lives were at risk I’d tell them to jog on.
And if you and your dh are so vulnerable from a random recording (assuming no cheating, gambling or criminal activity) then your relationship is at risk anyway.

This.

And come clean to DH. If context is relevant maybe he will understand? Can you say anymore about what was said? How did she come to have a recording?!

Get evidence of the blackmail threat and tell her you will take it to the police

You can never give in to blackmail. I would point out to her that by disclosing the information she will likely destroy her relationship with your DH as well.
I would call her bluff, don’t engage with her at all about anything but in the meantime get your ducks in order if she does disclose so you have time to prepare what to say to DH.

You aren't stuck, you tell your DH and explain the truth. If you ignore your sister, the blackmail always hangs over you. If you give her what she wants, do you really think she'll just delete the tape? She will escalate this further

What did you say? If it is something like "I hate DH's mum", I would just tell your DH and say you were having a bad day.

If it is something like "I hate DH, I'm planning to leave him, and never let him see his children again", I'm not sure there could be a good context.

I think you need to say what the recording says in order for anyone here to give you any real advice.

Then you tell him first, in context. You say it's not that bad in context, right? So tell him the whole thing

Then you can end by saying that she threatened to edit it to make it sound awful if you didn't do what she wanted you to do.