DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

You really need to get ahead of her and tell your DH the full story.

If t’s not as bad as she is making it sound then make sure you explain clearly and honestly.

No! How does that help? She still has the recording to use next time. Once she knows it works the demands will get worse.

This - she is potentially committing a criminal offence.

The the sister would be coming back for more and more forever. Try to record her blackmailing you, making sure you make her sound as bad as possible, keep all messages etc and then pre-empt her by telling your OH first.

And also this ☝️

Straight after I told my husband, I'd be taking all written evidence to the police.

Absolutely pointless thread without any context. Ironic really!

All you can do is tell him. Explain it in its true context. Then go absolutely NC with your sister.

Hello sister 👋

Depending on where you live, recording someone without consent and using it to blackmail them could be illegal.

I don't think you have any option but to come clean to your husband and tell him everything. And then just hope for the best.

Otherwise you will have this hanging over you forever. She could easily have duplicated the recording so you will never have a guarantee that she can't pop back up in a year or 5 years or 20 years and blackmail you again.

And if your husband finds out whatever it is you've said/done via a recording sent from your sister, after you've met her demands, he's never in a million years going to believe anything you say. You'll look guilty as fuck if you've given in to blackmail.

You have to tell him.

Not RTFT but I’d be straight in touch with the police about the blackmail. She’ll shit herself. The evil poisonous cow.

if it’s something like one of the kids is someone else’s or you’ve had an affair you should come clean and hope for the best . Otherwise this ‘ thing ‘ will hang over you forever .

There are 2 ways to deal with blackmail.

1. Give in to their demands. They will come back for ever with increasing demands
2. Tell the people concerned what is about to come out. Trust that they believe you. Then see what happens.

Without context it's difficult to say. I would go for 2, and explain why you are telling them.

Admit it OP. It really is that bad.

I suspect that if you said here what it was you would be getting a vastly different response.

Can you give us a comparable indication of what you said.

For example if your sister recorded you saying

"I'd definitely shag Paul" (who is your DH best mate)
Within the context of playing 'Shag/Marry/Throw off a cliff' then you can explain that to DH who should understand it was just silliness.

If it was something that reveals part of your personality that you'd rather he didn't know or would find offensive - you'll need to take it on the chin and say that although it has been taken out of context, you are ashamed/regret saying it and offer an apology.

But no matter what it is, you CANNOT let your sister control this narrative. Sort it out with your DH but don't tell her. You can then give her the rope to hang herself. Say you refuse to be blackmailed and let her show her true colours to your DH by trying to destroy your marriage. This obviously only works if your DH will back you and tell her what a poisonous bitch she is, but that's the route I would take.

What is it she wants from you in order to keep this recording to herself?

Sounds like she will hold it over you until the next favour and then the next and so on. Again without context it’s hard to judge.

but if like you said in context it’s not an issue then I would just wait and see if she does send it to DH and manage it when I’m he sees it. Act nonchalant and say oh yea she was threading to send it to you but you know how much of a drama queen she is and she’s recorded this out of context the actuall full story is….

truth be told if it’s fine when in context then surely your marriage is stronger than breaking up over an out of context comment

Blackmail is a crime. Your only options are to tell your DH before she does, or else to emigrate forever. Report your sister to the police.

The last thing she will be expecting right now will be a knock on the door from the police. It will take the wind right out of her sails. Don't hesitate. Just do it.

You sound like you're minimising it, first you say it could ruin your marriage and then you say it's not that bad?

Also if it’s “out of context” and you explain the context how would that / could that hurt?

Unless the recording is in context….

Honestly, if it's really not that big a betrayal then just call her bluff. Tell him anyway, explain it as best you can, and then go straight to the police to tell them she is blackmailing you. Don't even miss a beat. Don't worry about the fallout with your mum, or your sister's own family if she has one, just do it. Blackmail can be considered a serious crime. At the least she'd probably get a caution, I imagine. That should shake her up a bit.

How is this recording 'out of context?' Is she only releasing a small snippet of a longer conversation to make you sound guilty of something you are not? I'm guessing she obviously knows you did something you aren't proud of and she has deliberately steered you to into a conversation about it in order to record you and use it as leverage against you. That's a very spiteful and calculated act.

If you give her what she’s demanding that’s only going to make this whole thing look even worse when it inevitably comes out.

This. It won’t be a one off.

I'd wait it out. If she does happen to follow through then you can say something like "yes I know, she told me about this 'secret' recording and has been threatening my for xx amount of time. It wasn't said in the way she says it was, she engineered the conversation knowing she was recording me and planned to use it to blackmail me"