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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset a brothel has opened next door to my child's school

315 replies

OneJadeEagle · 27/03/2025 09:52

Walking past school last week I noticed a shop next door that had been shut for ages has now turned into a 'massage' place. Curtains firmly shut, doorbell on, locked door, 'calling cards' left on the outside for people to pick up discreetly. Checked online and the gumtree ads and reviews from men leave no doubt the type of massages they are offering.

The school is a special needs school and some of the older children, whilst vulnerable with learning disabilities, do walk to school alone past the premises. The whole thing just really gives me the creeps, the idea of a bunch of creepy men being attracted to the road right by all these kids, possibly drugs etc.

Anyways I messaged the class WhatsApp to try and co-ordinate complaints to the council and the general vibe was I was overreacting. We are in a big city, there's always going to be something going on in the vicinity. Why put some ladies out of work when they're trying to earn an honest living and as long as they aren't parading into school what's the drama.

I don't know, AIBU?

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 27/03/2025 22:07

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 22:02

No, because all of those things are inherently harmful and dangerous.

Sex between consenting adults is not harmful or dangerous.

"Consenting" is doing a lot of lifting there!

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 22:04

Lovelyview · 27/03/2025 21:31

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/jess-phillips-russell-home-office-mps-men-b1219328.html

This is a timely report. 'Men have been urged to “stop using prostitutes” by a Labour MP, as she raised concerns for women who are being “systematically raped”. Sarah Russell said a “significant” number of women are brought to the UK under false pretences before being forced to work in the sex industry.'

All the apologists for prostitution on this thread should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

There is a difference between exploitation and prostitution. Of course trafficking should be tackled like it would be in any business. There is a big issue with women being trafficked to work in nail bars- that doesn’t mean nail bars should be banned.

In my view having prostitution as a legal and tightly regulated business would reduce the criminal activity associated with it.

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 22:02

Arran2024 · 27/03/2025 21:17

Do you think people should be able to sell their kidneys? Cut off a limb to get into the Parolympics? Sell their babies? We do put limits on what people can do.

No, because all of those things are inherently harmful and dangerous.

Sex between consenting adults is not harmful or dangerous.

Lovelyview · 27/03/2025 21:31

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/jess-phillips-russell-home-office-mps-men-b1219328.html

This is a timely report. 'Men have been urged to “stop using prostitutes” by a Labour MP, as she raised concerns for women who are being “systematically raped”. Sarah Russell said a “significant” number of women are brought to the UK under false pretences before being forced to work in the sex industry.'

All the apologists for prostitution on this thread should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

Arran2024 · 27/03/2025 21:17

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 21:01

Well in a vacuum I imagine most people would choose not to work at all, but that isn’t the world we live in.

In a liberal society, it should be for women to decide what choices they make.

Do you think people should be able to sell their kidneys? Cut off a limb to get into the Parolympics? Sell their babies? We do put limits on what people can do.

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 21:01

Ddakji · 27/03/2025 20:56

Choices aren’t made in a vacuum. Choices that are made entirely freely aren’t choices at all.

Stop calling it work, as though it’s on a par with being a lawyer, or a hairdresser or a plumber. It isn’t. It’s prostitution. Exploitation. Abuse.

How do you think a health and safety review, risk assessment, equality impact assessment, etc, occur in this line of “work”?

Your apologism is grotesque.

Well in a vacuum I imagine most people would choose not to work at all, but that isn’t the world we live in.

In a liberal society, it should be for women to decide what choices they make.

offmynut · 27/03/2025 20:58

Id love to own a brothel and hope to go to the porn awards one day.
Just like your post op a load of lies.

Ddakji · 27/03/2025 20:56

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 19:50

Why should it be for the state to tell women who they can and can’t have sex with? Are women so unable to make their own decisions?

In my view, if women want to carry out this type of work, that should be up to them. It should be tightly regulated to ensure it takes place safely.

Choices aren’t made in a vacuum. Choices that are made entirely freely aren’t choices at all.

Stop calling it work, as though it’s on a par with being a lawyer, or a hairdresser or a plumber. It isn’t. It’s prostitution. Exploitation. Abuse.

How do you think a health and safety review, risk assessment, equality impact assessment, etc, occur in this line of “work”?

Your apologism is grotesque.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 27/03/2025 20:22

ItGhoul · 27/03/2025 10:48

Why do you imagine that men who are going to visit adult women for sex are going to be interested in the kids at your child's special needs school? They're no more likely to be paedophiles than any other man. Setting aside the rights/wrongs of sex work in general, the only sexual interest these men are demonstrating is in sex with adult women. They're no more likely to be a danger to a child than any other man who has sex with women.

I agree.

Justasmallgless · 27/03/2025 20:16

Just to note there is nothing to say this post isn’t genuine as you often get so called “pop-up” brothels

Justasmallgless · 27/03/2025 20:09

@SeaSwim5have you been in a massage parlour and asked how many of them felt it was a “choice”

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 19:59

Justasmallgless · 27/03/2025 19:52

This is actually not true as child sex offenders frequently use prostitutes. There is a plethora of research on this. I personally wouldn’t want a brothel anywhere near a school.

OP please ring police and report and contact your local councillor if you have had no joy with the council.

as others have said, often modern slavery is hidden behind “massage parlours”

Some of these posters should read the feminism boards to educate themselves about prostitution and why as a society we should not be accepting of it.

So women shouldn’t be allowed to make their own choices?

Justasmallgless · 27/03/2025 19:52

ItGhoul · 27/03/2025 10:48

Why do you imagine that men who are going to visit adult women for sex are going to be interested in the kids at your child's special needs school? They're no more likely to be paedophiles than any other man. Setting aside the rights/wrongs of sex work in general, the only sexual interest these men are demonstrating is in sex with adult women. They're no more likely to be a danger to a child than any other man who has sex with women.

This is actually not true as child sex offenders frequently use prostitutes. There is a plethora of research on this. I personally wouldn’t want a brothel anywhere near a school.

OP please ring police and report and contact your local councillor if you have had no joy with the council.

as others have said, often modern slavery is hidden behind “massage parlours”

Some of these posters should read the feminism boards to educate themselves about prostitution and why as a society we should not be accepting of it.

SeaSwim5 · 27/03/2025 19:50

BeaAndBen · 27/03/2025 17:56

It's prostitution, Christina, not 'sex work.' Every time it occurs, it damages women and girls in the wider society as well as the prostituted woman.

Why should it be for the state to tell women who they can and can’t have sex with? Are women so unable to make their own decisions?

In my view, if women want to carry out this type of work, that should be up to them. It should be tightly regulated to ensure it takes place safely.

FaithFables · 27/03/2025 19:42

JHound · 27/03/2025 11:13

There are men who have visited sex workers who are “nice normal guys who just want to have sex” too. I have known (and dated) more than a few.

Ew, you need to find better men to "know".

FaithFables · 27/03/2025 19:38

ItGhoul · 27/03/2025 10:48

Why do you imagine that men who are going to visit adult women for sex are going to be interested in the kids at your child's special needs school? They're no more likely to be paedophiles than any other man. Setting aside the rights/wrongs of sex work in general, the only sexual interest these men are demonstrating is in sex with adult women. They're no more likely to be a danger to a child than any other man who has sex with women.

Urgh, because the type of men who will pay to abuse and rape women are the same type of men who will harass and groom underage girls!

FaithFables · 27/03/2025 19:34

ERthree · 27/03/2025 10:22

What is the problem, are they having sex in full view of the street ? The children won't take any notice or even know what is going on inside. They will only know if their Mothers are having outraged conversations within their earshot.
I lived in a town on mainland Europe where there was a "club" with a stripper sign outside right next to the Church, nobody bothered.

The problem is the clientele. The type of men who pay for sex are also the type of men that would have no problem sexually harassing children.

Disturbia81 · 27/03/2025 19:31

Sadly I know quite a few paedos through work etc and they all have had plenty of adult girlfriends/boyfriends too and not just for show. Very sexually active

Ddakji · 27/03/2025 19:04

FullOfLemons · 27/03/2025 17:57

I am concluding the OP has made this up too

I mean why would anybody open a brothel next to a school. I don’t think this happens IRL

I really think Mumsnet needs an option to vote “this post is BS” along with another that says “no I am not helping you write an article / TV script / do your sociology homework”

Edited

It’s been an instructive discussion though, good to note the rape apologists on this thread.

andweallsingalong · 27/03/2025 18:52

Also, it's a myth that men are sexually interested in children or adults. Most convicted sex offenders are also very interested in sexual relations with adults.

andweallsingalong · 27/03/2025 18:48

ItGhoul · 27/03/2025 10:48

Why do you imagine that men who are going to visit adult women for sex are going to be interested in the kids at your child's special needs school? They're no more likely to be paedophiles than any other man. Setting aside the rights/wrongs of sex work in general, the only sexual interest these men are demonstrating is in sex with adult women. They're no more likely to be a danger to a child than any other man who has sex with women.

That's not necessarily true.

Many people convicted of sexual offences are highly sexually occupied and so likely to watch porn / masturbate / visit sex workers than an average male.

Yes these males are low in number, but I don't discount OPs concerns about the type of men visiting a brothel and the location. I also agree with other concerns raised by PPs.

Arran2024 · 27/03/2025 18:35

No way do they have permission for this no way. It's illegal for starters. A swingers club is trying to get started in Stevenston in Ayrshire and it's on an industrial park away from everyone and still it's under attack.

GlomOfNit · 27/03/2025 18:13

Can I just say a big HMMMM to the 4 or 5 apologists on this thread who do seem to have a bit of a drum to beat. I see you.

blandwich · 27/03/2025 18:11

Whether or not the men visiting are statistically more likely to pose a threat to children, YANBU to not want a skeevy 'massage parlour' next to a school. It's not asking too much to not want that type of illegal activity to take place near your home or your child's school. Ideally, these businesses wouldn't exist anywhere, but we can only raise objections to the ones we're aware of.

drspouse · 27/03/2025 18:07

Christinapple · 27/03/2025 18:05

I was happy to go along with it for the sake of discussion if such a scenario were real.

Since you mention it, it does seem like an odd choice for someone to decide next to a school would be a good choice for a brothel. Surely they must have known people would quickly find out what it was and the parents of the school students would lose their minds over it and make reports to the council and police?

They may not even realise it's a school.
Among the SEN schools we've looked at for DS, they have included purpose built 1970s/80s buildings, ex Victorian primary schools, former shops and former large residential buildings. Not all have signs. Current one is a massive old country house though so the pupils call it Hogwarts!