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AIBU?

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Original poster

Pictures on phone

36 replies

suspiciousqueen · 26/03/2025 23:29

DH went for drinks after work and got back an hour ago. Tipsy to say the least but he bought back doner kebab and chips for us to share and we had a nice convo. All good until we go upstairs to bed, he's already settled in and on his phone. I need something from his bedside table and notice he's looking at a photo he's taken of a woman whilst on tube back home. I ask him to show me and he does. I tell him why the fuck would you take a photo of someone random, he spouts bs that she was looking at him weird. Ok, so why take the photo?? I ask to see what other photos he's took and he refuses and gets loud. Kids are asleep so I'm not doing this. I get into bed as I don't want him deleting anything if I go bathroom!
So now I'm lying in bed waiting for him to go to sleep so I can go for a wee! What the actual fuck.

Aibu if I look through his phone...

OP posts:
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Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 03/04/2025 09:34

The sad thing is that I've seen that he's messaging another woman from past. We had it out last year and he said he'll cut all ties but it now seems they're back in touch. It's a big blow as I know our marriage is over for sure now.
We have children and I don't want to disrupt their lives by living separately. For starters I'm a sahm and apart from him I'm happy with my life.
If I have it out with him now nothing will change except a toxic atmosphere in home which will affect kids more than me. So I'm going to co habit and co parent with him and just live my life. It's the only thing I can do.

OP posts:
FurFangsPawsAndClaws · 30/03/2025 09:56

Could X+Y be sexy? SeX+Y?

Whatever it means you need answers OP, you will torture yourself with scenarios in your mind if not.

I would find it hard to trust without knowing the truth so make that clear.

What are your plans if you discover your DH isn’t who your thought he was? I think you need to build a leaving strategy, you deserve more then this.

dialfor · 30/03/2025 09:17

suspiciousqueen · 29/03/2025 20:16

That's what I'll do. What if I messaged her from his phone pretending to be him and just say hi great chat the other day....and see what she replies??

Show quote history

Why? What difference would it make?

He is a creepy weirdo, you don’t need to know anymore.

SCWS · 29/03/2025 23:01

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 11:34

X+Y are the male chromosomes, there’s also a gay magazine called X+Y I think. Could Sylvia be a man?

They’re XY, not X+Y

Bex5490 · 29/03/2025 22:48

Do you have kids @suspiciousqueen ?

Honestly, I never usually go with the LTB stuff but this is unforgivable.

A man who thinks it’s okay to violate a woman’s privacy/dignity/body by filming them without them knowing is not capable of respecting you.

This to me is actually worse than cheating because it shows how he views women in general.

He’s a pig - you definitely deserve better.

thefavouriteparent · 29/03/2025 22:18

suspiciousqueen · 29/03/2025 20:16

That's what I'll do. What if I messaged her from his phone pretending to be him and just say hi great chat the other day....and see what she replies??

Show quote history

You can do I guess, but I think you have enough to warrant a serious chat. He sounds like a pest, regardless of this other woman, his behaviour is not ok. Do you have daughters? Ask him how do you think he would feel knowing a man has videos/photos of his daughter in this way.

Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 29/03/2025 20:16

thefavouriteparent · 29/03/2025 19:57

Look at a later date, then look in his recently deleted files.

That's what I'll do. What if I messaged her from his phone pretending to be him and just say hi great chat the other day....and see what she replies??

OP posts:
thefavouriteparent · 29/03/2025 19:57

Look at a later date, then look in his recently deleted files.

Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 29/03/2025 19:55

He must be worried that I was going to ask him to see his phone. Why delete only that call log? He still has her in his contacts.
Don't even know why I'm posting as I feel totally different towards him. I don't even want to have it out with him as I'll probably just live my life separate to him as much as I can as long as it doesn't affect family dynamics.

OP posts:
Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 29/03/2025 19:52

Well something is definitely off with this Sylvia as I looked through his phone again and he's deleted the missed call he gave her...and the video n photo of the random women.

OP posts:
DeathNote11 · 28/03/2025 04:40

Did you check for archived & deleted photos/chats?

Twonewcats · 28/03/2025 00:57

I do not understand the x+y at all. Regardless of what it "means",it's such an odd thing to save someone's contact as, unless it's literally a work/professional prompt.

Chuchoter · 27/03/2025 18:34

He was drunk he could have inout her name incorrectly.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/03/2025 17:59

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 11:34

X+Y are the male chromosomes, there’s also a gay magazine called X+Y I think. Could Sylvia be a man?

Ah, interesting. The X +Y code doesn't really make sense in the context of a colleague or woman he wants to cheat with... so maybe it is something like this.

Although if OP believes he is straight, is makes more sense to have a man's name. Would be less suspicious to pass it off as a new male friend.

StarCourt · 27/03/2025 11:34

X+Y are the male chromosomes, there’s also a gay magazine called X+Y I think. Could Sylvia be a man?

BodyKeepingScore · 27/03/2025 10:55

Mlb123 · 27/03/2025 02:01

Oh dear the x + y seems to me that it's to signify the symbol for male snd female but in a sexual way. He clearly thinks he's in there the creep . Sorry you deserve better xx

Well this is quite the leap…

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 27/03/2025 09:39

Filming other women without consent would be a deal breaker for me. The number thing he can explain away, you will neve know if it is "just" a colleague..

But the filming paired with the number speaks of a man with low morals and respect.

I've been drunk plenty of times whilst married, I've managed not to do things that cross the boundaries of my relationship (or human decency).

It pisses me off how some men act as thought being drunk has given them a completely excusable, temporary personality transplant.

dialfor · 27/03/2025 09:38

Drunk or not that’s the kind of man he is. Creepy perv.

MissDoubleU · 27/03/2025 09:27

He’s a pervert. Drunk is an excuse, and a bad one. Leave him. You deserve better, as does humanity in general.

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 09:26

suspiciousqueen · 27/03/2025 09:24

So not only did he have a photo but he also took a video of a woman walking in front of him and he focussed the video on her arse. She was wearing tight fitting trousers. Makes me sick, think he took it to wank off to.
I confronted him this morning and he says it was a stupid embarrassing thing to do and blames it on him being drunk.

I also looked at the contact he saved as Sylvia on his WhatsApp and she's definitely a woman from her WhatsApp profile pic. Im thinking he was flirting with her. She's not in his department so prob someone who works for same company and they got talking.
His past behaviour when out and drinking he makes new friends but it's always other women not men. I'm sickened by him right now.

That is truly disgusting, perverted behaviour. I’m so so sorry OP. I don’t think this can be brushed off as drunken behaviour.
Has he ever done anything similar before?

Original poster
suspiciousqueen · 27/03/2025 09:24

So not only did he have a photo but he also took a video of a woman walking in front of him and he focussed the video on her arse. She was wearing tight fitting trousers. Makes me sick, think he took it to wank off to.
I confronted him this morning and he says it was a stupid embarrassing thing to do and blames it on him being drunk.

I also looked at the contact he saved as Sylvia on his WhatsApp and she's definitely a woman from her WhatsApp profile pic. Im thinking he was flirting with her. She's not in his department so prob someone who works for same company and they got talking.
His past behaviour when out and drinking he makes new friends but it's always other women not men. I'm sickened by him right now.

OP posts:
DesperateDenise · 27/03/2025 07:58

The whole thing of the photos is very concerning.
But surely the x + y must be a reminder Sylvia is a actually a guy?
Is he into Trans porn? I understand that's meant to be really popular. Has he shown an interest in men sexually?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/03/2025 06:31

Saving a colleagues phone number isn’t strange. The x+y could be a department she is in or potentially some other way for him to remember who she is/maybe he missed what her surname was and was too embarrassed to ask.

the taking a photo of a stranger is weird

Addictedtowotsits · 27/03/2025 06:00

x+y - I think it's chromosomes.

Mlb123 · 27/03/2025 02:01

Oh dear the x + y seems to me that it's to signify the symbol for male snd female but in a sexual way. He clearly thinks he's in there the creep . Sorry you deserve better xx