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Original poster

Would this comment offend you - DH about gym

81 replies

CazJK · 26/03/2025 18:32

My DH is off work this week, so has been going to the gym in the morning rather than after work in the evening.

I asked him when he got back earlier if he is enjoying going at the start of the day when he has more energy, and he basically said - ‘all the MILF’s are there in their tight leggings after the school run which is the main benefit’.

I didn’t laugh - infact I found it really quite rude towards myself. Have I had a sense of humour failure or would this annoy you too?

OP posts:
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Dueanamechange2025 · 29/03/2025 02:50

ItGhoul · 26/03/2025 19:50

That wouldn’t bother me - but it totally depends on the tone in which it was said, and the dynamic of your relationship and the humour between the two of you. I went to a non-league football match last week and had to go into the team clubhouse to use the loo after the final whistle. DP said ‘It’s down the corridor just past the changing rooms’ and I said ‘Ooh, I hope I catch a glimpse of them all stripping off for their showers, then’. But we have the sort of relationship where we joke about that sort of thing and it’s really clear between us that we’re only kidding; it’s not a case of exploiting each others insecurities or winding each other up and it’s fine.

BUT in your case, your DP knows you don’t like this sort of comment and was presumably deliberately goading you by saying it, or trying to make you feel insecure. It doesn’t sound like mutual banter, and therefore YANBU to be pissed off.

This for me too.

We are rugby league fans. Each match go to one of us will joke I’m only there for the bums out (when the shorts come down, when playing). This isn’t true, I played as a child and teen and had a season ticket as a child growing up but we both go ohhh bums for me when they are playing.

DH will joke about looking at the bums in the gym but I know he actually feels quite uncomfortable with the lack of clothes some of them wear and doesn’t know where to look.

LoudSnoringDog · 29/03/2025 01:18

Creep

outerspacepotato · 28/03/2025 23:19

One less gawker today, win.

Why don't you you have a chat with him about objectifying women and how many don't appreciate men gawking at them, much less crudity? Address the elephant in the room.

JHound · 27/03/2025 11:08

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 10:30

It’s crude boorish and sexist. I’m honestly astonished by the women on this thread who wouldn’t be bothered by this. It’s not the fact that he finds other women attractive, it’s the fact he’s reducing them to MILFs and clearly perving over them in the gym. And then doubling down on it! This is why women only gyms exist.

Most women’s bars are in hell and they would do anything and accept anything as long as they get to call themselves a wife.

gannett · 27/03/2025 10:41

Last summer I was at a festival with DP and at one point I remarked that it was definitely sun's out, guns out for all the gym bros. This strikes me as on a similar level.

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 10:32

SquashedMallow · 27/03/2025 10:21

I'm really not worried if my husband finds other women attractive to be honest. I don't expect him to go round with blinkers on because he's married. Looking doesn't equal touching

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Well there’s looking and then there’s openly leering, and admitting as such to his wife! And you’d feel honoured by this? Interesting.

Fancycheese · 27/03/2025 10:30

It’s crude boorish and sexist. I’m honestly astonished by the women on this thread who wouldn’t be bothered by this. It’s not the fact that he finds other women attractive, it’s the fact he’s reducing them to MILFs and clearly perving over them in the gym. And then doubling down on it! This is why women only gyms exist.

SquashedMallow · 27/03/2025 10:21

TheObligingSwan · 27/03/2025 01:11

You'd be honoured?? Honoured by how fit your DH finds other women? Honoured that he cares so little about you that he happily tells you how fit he finds other women? Strangest thing I've read in a long time.

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I'm really not worried if my husband finds other women attractive to be honest. I don't expect him to go round with blinkers on because he's married. Looking doesn't equal touching

Original poster
CazJK · 27/03/2025 08:48

He isn’t going this morning, ‘rest day you’ll be pleased to know’ 🙄

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 27/03/2025 01:16

And this is why I go to a female only gym. They’re there to exercise not to get perved on. Rank.

TheObligingSwan · 27/03/2025 01:11

SquashedMallow · 26/03/2025 22:25

I've got to be honest, I'd be more honoured by the level of candour and find it amusing. I'd probably punch his arm and tell him he's a slag !

If he was up to no good, I think he'd be way more shady about saying things like that

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You'd be honoured?? Honoured by how fit your DH finds other women? Honoured that he cares so little about you that he happily tells you how fit he finds other women? Strangest thing I've read in a long time.

DurbevillesGirl2 · 26/03/2025 23:33

CazJK · 26/03/2025 20:59

Appreciate the majority of replies backing up that I’m not over reacting.

DH has some form for this as I’ve said above - I’ve spoken to him again after dinner tonight and he basically laughed and said ‘it’s not as if I told you I wanted to shag one of them’

😷😷

Just gross!!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 26/03/2025 23:17

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 26/03/2025 18:39

Eww. What a creep. You should ask him if he thinks comments like that will make him more or less attractive to you?

This is a brilliant response! I wish I’d thought of it!

ClairDeLaLune · 26/03/2025 23:14

MILF is a horrible misogynistic term. I would’ve found that offensive too.

GirlWithTheRedScarf · 26/03/2025 22:59

He sounds awful OP. I’d rather be single tbh than put up with that behaviour. It screams disrespectful towards you as his partner but also to women in general. The gaslighting is a major turn off. Good luck Op!

StarDolphins · 26/03/2025 22:56

BadeballSkihipto · 26/03/2025 22:53

Working out is good.

I agree with this. Completely relevant to the thread too.

BadeballSkihipto · 26/03/2025 22:53

Working out is good.

StarDolphins · 26/03/2025 22:53

I would have said “eww, I don’t think they’d be interested in Dirty Dave gawping at them anyway so I definitely don’t have anything to worry about, not that I am worried because I could then find someone respectful” 🤣

MILF is a horrible word🤢

outerspacepotato · 26/03/2025 22:49

He's the kind of creep that makes going to a mixed gym uncomfortable for women.🖕

Bestfootforward11 · 26/03/2025 22:43

Sounds like he’s about 17!

Tabitha005 · 26/03/2025 22:43

No, I wouldn’t be offended.

TortolaParadise · 26/03/2025 22:37

No would not offend me but I would probably eye roll.🙄

Original poster
CazJK · 26/03/2025 22:33

I did point out what it stands for, he just said no one means it literally and that’s it’s just a generic term for attractive women of a certain age. I told him to stop digging a bigger hole.

OP posts:
AnonymousJoyceLover · 26/03/2025 22:33

Your husband is a sexist boor. I'm sorry you're stuck with such a cretin.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 26/03/2025 22:30

As others have already said, er, that's EXACTLY what he did say.

His stupidity would be such a turn off for me, on top of the crude comments.

What a twat.