DP not being truthful about cash withdrawals - fearful he is gambling again

The comments that it can’t be gambling because it’s so controlled this time round aren’t totally right.

If he has just started back up again the last few months, then he could still be in that false sense of security that he can control it. So, he decided to only do it when staying away for work in a casino or betting shop there, and he sets the same rough amount each time (maybe a little more or less depending on other treat spending that week). He sticks to it, and thinks he is in control. But, when he realises he has lost a few thousand over a few months, he’ll start betting more and more. And it will spiral. Right now, he thinks he can control it.

It could be prostitutes as well, that would be a similar amount each time. Or something totally different, but just don’t count them out yet.

It’s good you’ve asked him to bring the money home as proof, but you also need to see all his accounts tomorrow as well, including any savings to make sure he hasn’t withdrawn from another account. And check his phone to see if he has messaged someone to borrow it, and his emails to see if he has taken out any of those stupid last minute loans etc. Also check no jewellery has gone or anything he could pawn tomorrow.

Hopefully it is what he says, or something equally innocent. But you’re going to have to be firm with him and be honest; you need to see all the proof because you’ve been here before so his word isn’t enough and if he can’t accept that then he can go stay somewhere else. He’s put himself into the position of needing to prove this.

Prostitutes. He’ll borrow the money off a friend and show it to you as “proof”.

Yes I’m sure there would but not always as I’ve noted with the various idiots I know who have it ( not saying your DH is an idiot btw! ) but it’s got to be something. Is he away with others so he can get to have a bit of fun while he’s there?

Op I’ve just been thinking about what you said about you wanting him to bring home the missing money. Is there any way he can get it from somewhere/someone without you knowing to pretend it’s the missing money?

it’s one thing him coming home with a load of cash which he thinks will prove him innocent and get you “off his back” but it proves nothing really. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of it.

Just thought the same. Coke maybe?

Good luck 🤞. You know the drill. Hold the line very firmly of what’s acceptable and isn’t - because you deserve the best.

You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it.

OP I have too much knowledge of this.

You must be aware that it’s rare to have just one addiction. I’m not going to make any assumptions. The facts are these:

• cash is being withdrawn
• you haven’t seen the cash or evidence of where deposits are being credited
• you are not ok with this

This is a reasonable request/discussion in any relationship, irrespective of history of addiction. I’m going to say it’s irrelevant if he’s a GA or not, because you shouldn’t be conditioned to not ask the questions you want and be satisfied with the response.

You know you are not satisfied with the response. Therefore he is not being transparent.

Here if you need someone.

I'm really sorry, @Lilac84 , but what's going on is he is lying to you.

Gather your thoughts and then go forward on that basis.

Gambling again? Yes he is no matter what he says. Friends's friend with similar habit recently won several hundred quid. 'I've got to get rid of this cash before tonight or Tracey will know I've been gambling again". All straight back to the bookies.

This, sorry OP.

If he's keeping it at the office (he's not), why would he withdraw the money whilst he's away? Most people don't choose to carry reasonably large sums of cash further than they need to.

Sounds to me like he’s met someone that he meets when working away and he’s withdrawing cash so that there’s no record of his transactions. Dinner, drinks etc

or he’s seeing a prostitute when he works away.

Drugs?

As multiple people have already suggested - sounds very much like sex workers.

Does her have a connection to gamblers anonymous?
I hope you're wrong, it is a debilitating disease, he would benefit hugely from a connection with recovering gambling addicts.

That's all a bit grim tbh. Hopefully it's not this or gambling. Does he pay upfront for any routine expenses. Though there is no need to be evasive about that sort of thing.
It's hard to think of why he would not be honest about it unless it was not good.
Hoping he is secretly saving for a surprise for you. But it's a bit if a long shot.

Is there a “massage” parlour where he’s alternating between the same two items from the menu?

Because if he was gambling again it's highly unlikely he could limit himself to exactly 110 pounds only when he is away from home and never gamble inbetween. And even if he was on a controlled gambling binge then why 110 or 170. Not how pathological gamblers operate what so ever. But of course there might be much more hidden, as is usual with pathological gamblers.

Cash while working away. Sorry but my immediate thoughts go to sex workers

Already did after sorry, updated my post.

There’s no way I’d be storing £1000+ in cash in an office where I had to hotdesk.