GF wanted to meet my kids. I said 'no'

She’s allowed to split up with you for whatever reason she wants to. You and your ex agreed the 12 month rule, she didn’t. She doesn’t agree so she’s done the right thing in ending the relationship.

It sounds like the 12 month agreement was an arbitrary figure you and your ex agreed on before going on to date other people. You either believe that this is, in every situation and with every future partner, the right and only timescale for your children or you don’t. Have some integrity if it’s what you believe (and I suspect you don’t or you wouldn’t have asked your ex or been happy to meet your girlfriend’s child).

I think you and your ex will live to regret the 12 month rule. Quite often in real life, children do meet their parents partners before 12 months is up. It’s not a magical timescale that increases the likelihood of blended family success. I have also seen a lot of women put this rule in place then decide that actually their child is going to meet their new boyfriend when it suits.

I think if any partner at any stage doesn't get their way and turns aggressive over something already as a known boundary by the two people who are the only ones who can and should set that boundary it's a massive red flag.

Your partner should never has pushed for this, what an odd thing to be aggressive about.

You are well rid, there are nicer people available out there.

I know she loved the idea of a blended family and it was a big deal to her, but I don't understand why she was not willing to wait another 5 months. Could I have done anything differently, am I wrong to think she is being a bit unreasonable? I'm so sad, as I thought what we had was very nice, and we got on so well in almost all other areas

Of course she loves the idea. I am betting blending would have been of greater benefit to her and her dc rather than you and yours OP.

As everyone else has said, you have had a lucky escape, 7 months is nothing and this woman showed you what your future held should you dare to exert a boundary. Hardly the influence you want around your own dc and I have a hunch she would have set out of squash all coparenting good will between you and your ex.

Don't look back @myname1sbetter

Your girlfriend shouldn’t dictate when she meets your kids and given her reaction I’d say you dodged a bullet.

however whilst it’s good to have a positive co parenting relationship with your ex, something like meeting anew partner really needs to be when you are ready, not a pre determined time. There’s a massive difference between entering a relationship with a long standing friend who you know well and and meeting someone on tinder.

the question was did you feel ready to introduce your partner? It’s not something you need permission for. I would be concerned that my relationship was going to be dictated by the ex in this scenario.

You’ve dodged a bullet there, but as others have said, disappointing that you made your ex the bad guy. You both agreed to 12 months, if you think that’s the right thing to do you shouldn’t even have asked your ex and put the decision on her shoulders.

The only thing that's unreasonable is going to your ex and trying to renegotiate the terms of your agreement not to introduce new partners for a year! That is weak-willed, puts the responsibility on your ex-wife, and gave your girlfriend the impression that this wasn't your idea, but something enforced upon you by a controlling ex. In future, have the courage of your own convictions!

Your ex-gf has just proved that the 12 month boundary that you and your ex-wife set in place is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do; stopping either of you from confusing your DC by introducing them to short-term “partners” who then dump you shortly after.

It’s so good that you’re sticking with that plan and protecting your kids, imagine if you’d introduced them and she’d dumped you right after? This way your kids never even have to know of her existence.

She sounds nuts and as others have said, you've dodged a bullet. Sorry it hasn't worked out but well done for putting your kids first and having a respectful coparenting relationship with your ex.

You are doing the right thing for your children.
Your ex kicking off showed you she's not someone who will respect the rules you and the mother of your child have agreed.

She’s just proved categorically that she is not the right person for you.

She wants a blended family when you've only been dating 7 months! Everyone else is right you've had a lucky escape

This 👆
Her reaction wasn’t ok and she showed her true colours. So the relationship is over, and you’ve dodged a bullet.
But you have to co parent with your ex and if you’ve made an agreement about this, you shouldn’t have given the impression you’d change it then tell your partner that your ex won’t do it. It’s either an agreement or not.

That’s likely what set her off and created the expectation that she’d always play second fiddle to your ex.
Better communication could have prevented this. But then you’d not know what she was really like…. Be thankful your DC’s didn’t meet her.

She has pegged you as the stepdad for her kid, probably wants another one herself and wants to push the relationship on to the next level asap. Interesting that her own DD's dad isn't really in the picture. How soon was she asking for you to meet her DD?

She isn't interested in a relationship that goes at a sensible pace. She wants it all now. Is there a chance that she's pregnant? I can't see any other reason for her to act so angrily about not getting her way. She's furious that you are not putting her wishes above your ex wife's. It's making her feel she's not fully in control of the situation. The fact that it is also your wish seems irrelevant to her. She was hoping to manipulate you, but she can't manipulate your ex and it's bugging her.

It appears to me that she asked you if she could meet your kids, you said yeah okay let me check with ex, ex said no and you told her no. So I’m guessing the problem is she feels that you are under the thumb of the ex and isn’t going to put up with that. She’s set her boundaries and that’s that.

I think it’s probably for the best that this relationship needed. I wouldn’t be introducing my kids to someone after 7 months.

Think of it as a lucky escape! If this is the way she reacts when she doesn't get her own way, you're better off out of the relationship! Thank goodness you found out before things went further.

Agree with this. No need to make your ex into the bad guy, this will only make any future coparenting relationships/arrangement more difficult if you set the stage by making your ex take the blame for a decision you made together. Before your new gf meets your kids or ex, she will start off thinking how difficult the ex must be to work with and then play tit for tat if your ex ever asks for anything.

Just stand by the decision you jointly made - "sorry, this is something I feel strongly about, I hope you understand. No, it's not something I want to renegotiate with my ex because if roles were reversed I would hope she would wait before introducing the kids to her new partner too."

And that's why you wait 12 months to introduce your kids to a partner. She demonstrated the reason perfectly. And while her kid needs to recover from meeting/ building a relationship with and lossing another uncle your kids don't need to.

And to be clear - people who become aggressive when you assert a boundary are always to be avoided.

Your mistake was trying to renegotiate with your ex wife. You should have been clear that it was important to YOU to wait 12 months, not make it sound like it was something your wife had forced on you that you had to try to get out of.

You are better off rid of her.

The others are right that you and your kids had a lucky escape and it’s good that your kids never met her.

You shouldn't have met her child so early either.

But yes, I agree, bullet dodged.

You were unreasonable (and a bit cowardly) to say you’d ask your ex about varying the arrangement. It’s something perfectly sensible you’d agreed for the benefit of your child; you should have calmly stuck to it yourself, rather than making it a matter of “she won’t let me”.

Got aggressive because she didn't get her own way, then threw a strop and ended the relationship?
Over something you want, and have previously agreed regarding your children?

Surely the point of waiting for a decent interval before introducing new partners is exactly to evaluate whether their are any aspects to their character that mean it's not likely to work long term, not to decide whether or not they're a good shag.

Sounds like a lucky escape.

It’s up to you to decide when you want your DC to meet a future girlfriend. Presumably when you and your ex agreed to a 12 month timescale, you meant it? You should not have gone cap in hand to your ex to ask her permission to change this agreement, but if you felt you actually wanted to change it, you would be being considerate to inform your ex.
Make your own decisions and stand by them!