MIL wants DH to meet her on his own for Mother’s Day

Good for your DH saying no to her. She's had decades of celebrating Mother's Day with him and his siblings – she should be supporting your DH in making sure that you, the mother of his new baby, has a lovely day instead.

Oh okay, I missed that bit. I fully understand then, I’d be the same if I was still on mat leave

I don’t really see a problem with this. Your baby is far too tiny to know what mothers’ day is, and there will be many many years to come when s/he understands the meaning and can make or buy you a present. I always thought that mothers’ day was about children showing appreciation for their mothers, rather than husbands or partners getting involved in organising things. Your mother in law is your husband’s mother, not you, and I think that while your baby is really young, he should be showing appreciation for his mum.

YANBU - she is being ridiculous. Since I had DS (he is 9), DH and me see our mums separately on the day before Mother’s Day

I agree generally. But OP says “young baby” so potentially still on maternity leave. So she is perfectly fine looking after the baby by herself, she’s doing it 5 days a week (and potentially breastfeeding overnight) and might not want that to happen at the weekend as well.

Let him go and see his mother. Tell him that the next weekends he’s on duty looking after his child. If you’re breastfeeding do this and then relax or sleep at night whilst your dh does the rest.

How old is your DC? What do you mean by splitting parenting duties, it’s fine for DH to see him mum alone and for you to parent on your own every so often. You should also be able to have your own time whilst DH looks after your baby too x

I think you’re not unreasonable to be upset but it sounds like DH has shut the idea down and suggested meeting on the Saturday, so everything is effectively sorted. It isn’t personal either, considering she also included DH’s sibling who also has a wife and children.

Yes she’s cheeky, yes she should of invited you all, but it’s sorted now x

I would invite her over on the Saturday or suggest everyone meets up the next weekend.

She sounds thoughtless, and that’s being generous.

I think it's a really tricky situation.

Do you think anychance she wants to speak to them all together about something important. Or is very old ? Sick?
Does she have a habit of this type of behaviour or is this a random thing?
It would have been better if she made it Saturday or just the evening.

Is it your first mothers day?
If so, my DH would not go, I don't think he would go anyway. First mothers day is more of a reason not to go. Your baby isn't old enough to buy presents and look after you for the day, so its your DH responsibility to do that on their behalf.

Mothers day for us is about spending it as DH, me and the children. This year my parents and grandparents are coming to us for Sunday lunch, only because my parents visiting coincides with mothers day. Usually we spend it apart as they live about 3 hours away.

I think what your DH has said is important before this is declared as a MIL issue. She can ask for what she wants all she likes, but your DH should be putting you first in this instance I think.

If he has meekly agreed to this without considering you at all, you have a DH problem.

(Crossposted with OP)

It depends really if you want to foster a culture of honouring Mothers or a culture of dumping Mothers once you get a wife. Honouring older mothers as well as younger mothers would take some generosity and ingenuity.

It's fine to ask as long as it's only a suggestion and she is perfectly happy for people to say "no".

Slightly against the grain, but IMO Mothers' Day with a baby is a bit of a non-event, and I would have suggested that DH took the baby to his mum's and given me a day to relax :)

I'd expect my DH to say "no, I'd love to do it another time, but I shall be spending Mother's Day with DW and DC." Possibly adding that's she's welcome to join you (if she is).

Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion but I think once your children become adults and have wives and children of their own you should take the expectation off on Mother’s Day, step back and acknowledge you’ve had your time with your young DC to celebrate and now it’s your daughters or your DIL’s time to be celebrated.

I woukd expect my partner to be with his mum if that’s what they both wanted .
Just like you would want your own child to be with you

YANBU and I think this is really selfish of MIL.

Strange that she would ask this of him on your first Mother's Day. My Dh would have said I would love to see you but this is my wife's first Mother's Day as we are doing something together. However, she would never have done this.

My own lovely Mum and MIL understood that this was going to start being a logistical nightmare if everyone is trying to see their Mum on Mother's Day as I also have 2 siblings who have children and who we would all have to negotiate with and they also have husbands and wives who also might want to see their own Mothers too. My BIL is one of 6 children, imagine that chaos of all trying to see their Mum.

Basically Mother's Day itself became just immediate family so me, Dh the boys. I saw my Mum and MIL regularly anyway and celebrated them all the time, it doesn't have to happen on one day.

Grandmothers who expect their adult children to prioritise them over mothers with young children on Mother’s Day need to get over themselves imo.
My DH wouldn’t leave me with a young baby to look after on my own all day on Mother’s Day - thats just like a regular day on maternity leave.

I’m surprised partners and grandchildren weren’t invited too. Especially given that they are her grandchildren, and it is also Mother’s Day for you. Only comparing to what we do, on Mother’s Day we have lunch at my Mum’s (my husband, children, both my siblings and their partners are invited), vice versa on Father’s Day. We used to visit my FIL when he was still alive and take him out for lunch, he was always pleased to see me and our children too (who of course wanted to be with their Dad on the day).

I like the previous poster’s suggestion about them all doing something in the evening. I have for example attended an evening 21st birthday meal for my younger sister alone whilst my DH stayed at home with our then 1 year old.

I think MIL is cheeky and obviously unreasonable as it’s Mother’s Day and 2 of her kids have children and a wife of their own

But I would say DH is the most unreasonable for not shutting down the idea or saying “no its OP’s Mother’s Day and I can’t leave her all day, I’d want to be with her and have plans to make it special with DC, maybe we can meet on the Saturday or next weekend”