MIL wants DH to meet her on his own for Mother’s Day

I may be in the minority but I wouldn’t mind this if DH wanted to spend time with his mother on Mother’s Day. It’s abit weird she doesn’t want to see the rest of you though.

Its a power move to establish the position of matriarch.
Given you're a new mum, I would not let this happen.
Send her flowers from M&S or something. Day is spent with you and your child instead.

As my DC get older I can appreciate it is nice to see them by themselves occasionally as when a partner is there it does change the dynamic.
However given you are a mum yourself, and it will take all day, I think it's unreasonable to do it on mother's day, unless there is extenuating circumstances.
Can DH get his siblings views

If she lived closer and it was just a matter of a couple of hours then I wouldn’t have an issue with it. However, that’s not the case here. It’s a 4h round trip, so an all day affair. Really he should say no, as you have a young baby and it’s your first Mother’s Day. I wouldn’t allow resentment to build over this or read anything into it. Just tell your DH that it’s not going to work given his other commitments.

She might want time with her own children, maybe to reminisce, talk about things perhaps she only wants to discuss with them.

She doesn't need to do that on Mother's Day - especially when her ds has a wife and new baby. There's no excuse for her suggesting this other than she's an entitled, overbearing CF. I'm a MIL to two young DIL's and I'd never even think of asking such a thing and putting my ds's in such an awkward situation.

His wife and baby are his main family now and if they choose to spend Mother's Day with her she would count herself lucky, not insist in seeing her dc's alone. It's utterly selfish and rude.

She might want time with her own children, maybe to reminisce, talk about things perhaps she only wants to discuss with them.

She may be lonely.

Your DH & siblings might be conscious of time passing, that she won't be there forever, that they want to make the most of the time they have. Mine's in her 80s and the awareness only gets more acute.

She may be one of those women who resent their sons turning attention and affection to other women! This is as we know A Thing. And they can be masters at manipulation, obligation and guilt. That needs re-educating.

She does seem to have forgotten that there are at least two other Mothers who day it will be. Regardless of how old the children are, a first Mother's Day is surely an occasion to celebrate and make a nice fuss of. Demanding ALL the attention reads as selfishness.

This is on the husbands to sort this out.
The delicate balance between pleasing mum and pleasing wife. They need to find a compromise that considers everyone - here, the social family stuff (that women usually get landed with) is now on them.

And if he does opt to bugger off and leave you doing the usual daily childcare stuff with nothing special, nothing thoughtful, nothing nice on the day ... When's Fathers Day? What will you be doing on that day? That leaves him on his own doing what you had to do on Mother's Day?

DH should just say no - he’ll be with the mother of his child that day - and send her flowers on the day. Only on MN do people take mothers out for lunch every year like it’s a religious observance. Me, I’m happy with a card and [yet another] ‘Mum’ mug. Anything more would be a welcome surprise.

I agree with you entirely. Once your offspring are out of your care and living their own lives, a card in the post, phone call or WhatsApp is a lovely thought, and a bonus.

Does your MIL not like to see her grandchildren? It seems quite common for partners to be excluded but odd for grandchildren too.

Can’t stand these Mother’s Day squabble threads.

There's nothing wrong with one parent having the child on their own every now and then. That is an unreasonable expectation to think you'll never "solo parent" so the sooner you drop that expectation the better it will be for both of you.

However, your mil is clearly being totally unreasonable!
It is a weird dynamic to be asking adult parents to choose to leave their own children and spouse on mother's day to celebrate it with her.

Unless she doesn't know it's Mother's Day?

I'm so glad your DH stood up to her and told her her will be taking you out for Mother's Day, the actual mother of his child.

I hope the siblings also chose their own families.

Have a lovely first Mother's Day 💐

@Sunshine202341 he could go on the Saturday AND take his child. I’m sure she’d love to see her grandchild and you get some time for yourself.

This

Bravo!

That is SO weird. And rude, and your dh should tell her so.

It's your Mother's Day too, she's batshit.

It is not rocket science - it is mother's say - SHE is his mother, not you. He is spending his mother's day with his mother. When your child grows up, they will celebrate mother's day with you. Simple.

I think it would be pretty awful to leave your wife alone with a baby on her first Mother’s Day. I’m amazed that anyone would think otherwise. Good on your husband for saying no. To me, Mother’s Day isn’t just about children being with their mothers, but about appreciating the work of motherhood generally.

Your MIL sounds like she is jealous, consciously or otherwise, and is acting out. My mother has also behaved really weirdly towards me since I had kids. Grandchildren are a blessing, but they can also trigger strange feelings (including jealousy, envy) around the passing of time and the arrival of old age.

Agreed.

YANBU.

It’s completely fine for him to see her the day before. No need to feel guilty about saying no.

It does not occur to a lot of parents of adult children that the daughters and daughters-in-law are mothers now.

DH's mum rang him last week to tut that him and his sister had both forgotten mother's day, to which he said it's next week. But nonetheless it would not have occurred to her to ask if I and DH's sister, both mums, had also had a nice day!

The actual day should of course be about the new mum as it’s “their time” like people are saying BUT I think it’s poor form for adults not to bother organising anything for their parents at all for another day. In the OP’s case, I don’t think MIL should have had to contact her children to try and organise something herself; they should have already been planning something for her for another date. It’s not bloody hard to take your mum out for lunch once a year, is it.

(Assuming you have good loving parents of course).

I really don't see why you or any other parent can't look after their own child alone for a day. That aside, I agree that married couples usually come as a package and her request is a bit weird.

As PP have said your MIL is being extremely shelfish. YOU are the mother that matters on morhers day now

She hasn’t said ‘no partners’ but she just hasn’t invited them if that makes sense. It’s been a direct message to her siblings asking if they want to meet her on Sunday for lunch.

Does she word it differently if she wants to invite everyone? Because I would think by inviting him, she is automatically inviting all of you. That's what we do in our family, if I do a family lunch I just message one person per family 'do you want to come for lunch on sunday' and the invite for everyone else in their family is inferred.

Has he checked with her what she meant?

Mother’s Day is primarily for those actively raising children. The other generations get an acknowledgement, but it’s not the main focus.

this is a simple no. Your husband should be with you on Mother’s Day, taking care of the child(ren). It’s baffling that some grandmothers don’t understand that they have to step back a bit for simple practicality.