MIL wants DH to meet her on his own for Mother’s Day

Do you see your mother?

Why do people buy into this commercial nonsense? It’s just another day? if you only see one day year as special for Mother’s then there’s a problem.

Good grief. OP might need to wait a few years. It's silly to say the dad will be giving the baby 'a hand with it'. A baby has no clue about Mother's Day. It really couldn't matter less to the baby. It's all about the OP's position as a mother to his child taking priority over his actual mother on Mother's Day. (Which is total valid interpretation of what Mother's Day means to certain people).

But I don't blame mums for wanting to see their adult children, who do understand the concept and meaning behind Mother's Day, rather than a wife getting upset because her husband's mum wanted to see him on Mother's Day, and the wife wanted him to 'help the baby' make a fuss of her instead.

Mother’s Day is traditionally a time to celebrate and appreciate your own mother. But, family traditions evolve, evidenced by this thread, and husbands seem to be expected to celebrate their wives for their role as mothers to their children (occasionally at the expense of seeing their own mother). Comments on this thread suggested mothers should step back it's now it's the wife's turn, Mother's Day is only for mothers actively raising children etc.)

It's a disconnect between how you and I view Mother's Day. I think it's about treating your mother to a special day. You seem to think it's about thanking a wife for giving birth and looking after your kids. That's fair enough. Your take is different to mine. It's not disingenuous.

I’m genuinely surprised at the comments saying things like there’s no celebration for a first Mother’s Day, it’s when kids are old enough to do something to show appreciation, and dads shouldn’t be focusing on their children’s mother but only on their own mother. I don’t know anyone who actually does this.

What @Nevertrustacop said

It's not up to a DH to organise a mother's day for his wife. It's his job to organise one for his Mum. When the kids are older he should remind them to do something or buy something but not with a baby fgs. It won't be from the baby and there is no such celebration as a first mother's day.

Do you think the baby will manage to show appreciation or make a fuss of OP on Mother’s Day though? Or do you think the dad might need to give the baby a hand with it? Now do you see what’s disingenuous, or is it still a struggle?

Yes, agreed

I think it's worse if the DH/DW/DP actually wants to see their parent on M's/F's day and feels they dare not incase their respective other half loses their shit because of it.

This thread is mad. The woman wants to see her children on Mother’s Day. How can that be wrong?

the @Sunshine202341 can have a lovely time with her own wee one

Your MIL is being very selfish and I agree with PP that it’s a power move to try to establish her position as matriarch. She’s being controlling. It’s the kind of thing my MIL would do. She even says stuff like “as the matriarch…” and “seeing as I’m the matriarch…” I just ignore it, because my husband isn’t a mummy’s boy, and it sounds like your husband has set things straight too.

Of course YANBU! If you were invited then that would be very different but who invites their adult children and says their partners (and children) aren’t welcome?! She is 100% jealous and insecure.

What does your husband say about it all? Presumably she’s deliberately putting him in a position where he has to choose between her and you.

She sounds like a piece of work.

Couldn't agree more Gogogo12345

It's incredibly sad. I'd think maybe after you've lost your own mother, you gain clarity over what is important. Like you, I always saw my mum and saw my dad on Father's Day too (rather than make a fuss over my husband!). I'm glad I did.

Who says that mothers day is for those actively raising children.?. I made sure to see my own mother on mother's day if possible up until her death. I was almost 50 then

How is it disingenuous?

I think there is a fundamental difference of opinion over what Mother's Day is.

You and lots of others seem to think: "He (husband) should be making an effort to appreciate his wife for all that she does for his children"

So I suppose, reading between the lines, you feel Mother's Day is about appreciation for the woman who gave birth to and cares for your children, rather than appreciation for your actual mother.

Whereas, I think it's a day for kids to show their mum how much they appreciate them and everything they have done for them.

Maybe women, especially those with younger children, feel like it's a day they should be prioritised by their husbands, which is fine if you're all on the same page, I suppose. I just think it's a bit mean that mum's can't have just ONE day a year.

A man's priority is his wife and child, of course. But I think Mother's Day should be about mum's being made of fuss of by their children. You don't just stop being a mum just because your children are grown up.

Do you not see your mums on Mother's Day?

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d be happy to have a family day on the Saturday.

Why would you go if you knew she wanted to spend time with her son without you there?

My MIL has a habit of doing this too. For her birthday she asked to do something with just her boys (partners and GC not invited). DH and I took her out for lunch and he told her he’d made a plan to take her out for the day with his brothers only, and she cried with joy, in front of me 🙃 her trying to erase me and my SIL’s is a bit of a pattern.

YANBU to not want your DH to leave you solo parenting on Mother’s Day. It would also be strange for him to take the baby, leaving you alone on Mother’s Day. In an ideal world you’d all live close enough that everyone can be visited but that just isn’t the case. Him seeing her on the Saturday is a great compromise.

Comments on here along the lines of “why is DH celebrating you instead of his mother” have to be disingenuous right? A faux naivety? A man’s priority is his wife and child, not his mother, even on Mother’s Day. He should be making an effort to appreciate his wife for all that she does for his children, in her role as a mother.

OP has a ‘young baby’ so may not be able to (or want to) send the baby away for the day.
It’s a 2hour trip, I wouldn’t have been away from DC at that point as was breastfeeding very frequently.

Again, it isn't celebrate/make a fuss over your wife day!

There's is nothing wrong with giving your wife a break or a day off, showing gratitude for what they do - but it doesn't have to be on the one day a year mothers are celebrated by their children.

OP isn't his mum. It would be nice if he got a card on behalf of the baby, but honestly, why this day out of all days do you want your husband to give you a day off make a fuss over you and not see his own mum.

People can do what they like for Mother's Day. It's not up to me.

I do feel it's a bit odd that people seem to now treat it as a day where the husband has to make a fuss of his wife, rather than the ONE day a year where KIDS show their mum how important she is to them.

It’s quite clear the Op’s mother in law wants to make sure Mother’s Day is all about her by not inviting her DIL. I am glad the DH isn’t going along with it.

The OPs kids too young to “celebrate” her. Therefore it’s on the husband. He should give her a day off-sleep in, cook breakfast, take her for lunch. Make a fuss to thank her for all she does for THEIR child.

But it's Mother's Day! A day to celebrate your mum, not your wife 😅

I wouldn't think much of a man who didn't make an effort to see his mum on Mother's Day, tbh. Nothing to do with being 'weaned'.

I think I see this a bit differently to most here. I lost my mum 5 years ago and would do anything to celebrate another Mother's Day with her.

I'd say it's BU not to let him go or to make him feel guilty for wanting to, especially if you do live a long way from her so he doesn't get to see her often. If your baby is only tiny and won't know any different does it really matter? My husband will be heading off to see his mum and I'll stay home and enjoy the day.

I think of Mother's Day being something for children to do to celebrate their mum's - make a card, make them breakfast in bed etc (although of course when they are little they might need help from dad to make a card and so on).

Maybe I'm just showing my age (late forties here!) and things have changed. Mother's Day seems way more commercial these days - all fancy meals out and partners expected to organise celebrations rather than just the kids making a wonky card or burning some toast for breakfast. Times change, I guess.

You know you just click the opposite one to change your vote, right?