AIBU about how this autistic/ADHD parent manages symptoms around their children.

I disagree and so do many medical academics.

YANBU

My OH was diagnosed ASD as a child. His phone use is more than what it should be around our child, but he'd never use anything in his ears to drown his son out, and he'd certainly never ignore him if he talks to him. The only time anyone is on their phone at the table is if our son has the TV on. If our son doesn't have a screen on, nobody does.

It hasn't been discredited. There has been some criticism of the documentary. This isn't the same as it being completely discredited.

There is no mild anywhere on the spectrum and that isn’t how it works.

The researcher’s journalism methods have been discredited. He lied to get into a women only safe space discussion forum and just lied all the way through.

It was sensationalist journalism at its worst and has caused a huge amount of damage.

I agree with you OP. Being ND does not excuse atrocious parenting. Those poor kids. The parent sounds like a selfish arse.

But you have used the word severity in the same context I have used mild. It is a spectrum, those at the lower end of the spectrum presently vastly different to those at the upper end, at the lower end you may need little if any support whereas at the higher end you may need 24/7 care so mild is quite suitable in that context. Every autistic person is different in how they present and their needs.

A family member works on Panorama (BBC) & did a lot of research on people getting a private ADHD diagnosis. Their main researcher went to his GP for a thorough assessment - told he doesn't have ADHD (which he knew), he then went private saying all the same things and got a ADHD diagnosis. Private companies are making huge amounts of money selling ADHD medication. She's of the belief from her research and what the show uncovered that many private companies are taking advantage of people. Everywhere on social media people are also self diagnosing. Obviously there are lots of genuine cases and a rise in cases because of better awareness. I think the show caused outrage by many ADHD people are struggling to get a diagnosis/help but it was an interesting watch.

It refers to support needs which one diagnostic method gives but acknowledges can fluctuate hence most places in the uk not giving a level

The declaration that adults ( and they’re often women because of the historic ignorance and sexism surrounding ND diagnosis) shouldn’t have ND diagnosis and the berating of an increase in wait lists is pretty appalling. Undiagnosed women and girls are just label seeking and should just suck it up.

Not everywhere has “levels” of autism. We’re in Norfolk and it’s just “autism”. I fully understand there are different severities - my friends son is non verbal, attends complex needs school, totally incontinent and will require 2 to 1 support for his whole life (he is 12, like my son), my son still has moderate autism but can talk fluently, attends an autism specialist school and presents as if you wouldn’t know he has autism. I have autism and the only thing you might pick up about me is that I have no friends whatsoever and spent my entire school life bullied by everyone for being socially different. I was very high achieving academically, was accepted into top universities etc. So yes, totally a spectrum but not everywhere diagnoses “levels”.

What research?

https://eput.nhs.uk/media/dzzk021d/eput-foi-22-2575.pdf
Stats are hard to get hold of for obvious reasons but this was released by the NHS after a FOI request. Not quite 100% but very close to that!

We need to be honest about what is going on. This is the opposite of gas lighting.

I'm sorry what? I didn't say anything about women and girls and this OP is about a man

The term “mild” downplays the severity of the difficulties an autistic person faces. Yes there are different levels of support required but mild, moderate, severe/ profound should be dropped

You can have non verbal autism.

There isn’t 100% “pass” rate. You do need evidence. You cannot buy a diagnosis. You can only buy an assessment.
I am sick of hearing ND people being told they’re not ND by people who make huge sweeping statements about assessment procedures. I am sick of the gaslighting, the minimising and downright denial of ND people’s experiences.

No I don’t because learning disabilities are separate to autism and to get an autism diagnosis it needs to have had a significant impact on life. Nothing about it is mild.

I was taking more broadly about ND conditions but I think even with autism you know exactly what I mean. A non verbal, non continent person with autism is impacted very differently than someone with what would have historically been diagnosed as Aspergers. Are they definitely both experiencing what we currently understand to be Autism? That's where some uncertainty lies.

Quite frankly the suggestion that women and girls should suck up decades of sexist diagnosis practise and go without is pretty appalling.

No. She struggles with noise but she could be wearing ear plugs - no need to be watching a video ffs.

Im guessing before her diagnosis she was able to eat dinner without a video and ignoring her young kids?!

The world has gone mad. If she can’t cope with being an active and attentive parent then she needs to get more help with that. A 3 year old needs attention when eating.

Yes it does, when in the right hands. But diagnosis is an art not a science especially when it comes to neurodevelopmental disorders. You might get one answer from one clinician and a different one from another.

No that is level 1 support needs in one form of diagnosis which it makes clear can fluctuate throughout life. An autism diagnosis focuses on several areas,need can also vary amongst these areas hence putting levels on autism being impossible

The diagnosis isn't just plucked out of thin air and totally independent of the assessment. If the assessment isn't robust then the certainty of the diagnosis decreases.

If you sat an exam that had a 100% pass rate would this set alarm bells off for you about the value and robustness of the qualification at the end of the course?

I know the assessment process well and it absolutely isn't as objective and scientific as you suggest and relies hugely on patient testimony and self perception. You also don't need the comprehensive body of evidence that you suggest.

Your data for this?

I am one such adult who chose not to have the meds the nhs offered but the psychological and hugely successful managing treatment they offer as an alternative. It has been life changing and I’m as deserving as my children not least because my MH and struggles matter and I’m also having to support struggling children with both conditions.

The nhs flagged up my adhd when they did my autism assessment which is common.