AIBU about how this autistic/ADHD parent manages symptoms around their children.

Quite. I always say that I’m only an expert in my children’s autism.

🤣hysterical so there is no thought police when you or others are saying deeply offensive things but not the other way round when people say things you don’t like.

As I said mother can say what she likes about her child, what she can not do is label the autism of others and decide if their autism or that of their child is severe or mild. Said mother hasn’t even bothered to define what severely autistic is.

I doubt it, the language is about need which diagnostic models acknowledge can fluctuate throughout life. No uk diagnostic model is going to say autistic people with high levels of need are not “severely” autistic. They also know how impossible it is to categorise or put levels on, hence not doing it already.

You have a really unhealthy interest in the subject.

Except she can and has done. There is no thought police and she isn't using hate speech. She is simply using language that is recognised in diagnostic models used in other major countries that she thinks best fits her and her child's situation. She isn't a medical professional that has to follow the UK's current approach that might well change over time anyway.

You’ve posted literally nothing that that indicates you know anything about autism, the realities of living with it or the diagnostic procedure.

Said mother can say what she likes about her child, what she can not do is label the autism of others and decide if their autism or that of their child is severe or mild.

No, once again I'll reiterate that just because I don't agree with you this doesn't mean I know so little. Some of the things you have posted have been objectively wrong. You have frequently insisted that certain theories or opinions are fact and set in stone when it's just different schools of thought that have taken precedence at any one time often in different places.

There is absolutely no global agreement about the severity of Autism. America uses DSM 5 very differently to us. In this context, I find it strange that you think it's ok to tell a mother that she is definitively wrong to say her child has more severe autism than her. You can say that this isn't how the British diagnostic model would describe it but it certainly isn't objectively incorrect.

It's isn't one person's view though. There are some experts who agree with him, some who have different theories that don't align with your viewpoint and some that agree with you. This is the same with Autism/ADHD too. It's because it's an area that is still being researched and science and understanding is still emerging.

Andrew Wakefield was a fraudster. Not just someone who in good faith put forward a theory that was proven to be incorrect. Unless you're accusing every expert that disagrees with you of the same then I would suggest the comparison is a poor one.

I would also like to point out the obvious. You may well be proven to be on the wrong side of science and history. If there is no widely held consensus on these things and the science is patchy then it does absolutely nobody any favours to shut down discussion and genuinely held and researched alternative theories. You absolutely cannot be sure that they aren't correct and what you're understanding is in fact wrong.

I understand that. I would probably meet the threshold for an autism diagnosis myself, although currently, I only have an ADHD diagnosis. I would classify my ADHD (and if I'm autistic too) as "mild" to be honest. That doesn't mean I don't have massive struggles in my life because of it. I need medication to do all the things I want to do. I need reasonable adjustments at work, but I can work. I am not in prison and can control my impulses enough not to commit crimes. I have friends. I have been able to focus enough to achieve qualifications. I can live independently, plan ahead and communicate my needs.

I can't say whether or not that's because my ADHD is "mild" or whether it's that I have high ability in other areas enabling me to overcome some of the challenges relating to it, however, I can totally understand how if I was the parent of a child with very severe ADHD, who was likely to require care for the rest of their life and be unable to function independently, would find it frustrating to be told that we were all in the same bracket.

I wonder if they have issues with some of your parenting. Maybe they want to eat as a family.ND is a disability and disability impacts family life.

With ND sensory issues such as chewing etc can be hugely difficult. EDs are common. Distraction with TV shows etc are often recommended in treatment.

Your post says a lot. You seem to question the validity of their ND .I’d focus on your own parenting. You seem quite judgemental and children pick up on that.

What a depressing life for all involved. I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t cope with eating a meal with children at the table.

How is this an attractive partner?

There you go again.

Define severity.

” I would be amazed if they manage to live completely independently as an adult. Or hold down a full time job. They are unable to cope in mainstream school. “

Could say all that about my daughter who couldn’t even manage supported living. She masks a lot.

You don’t get to decide severity or levels of severity. That is an insult to all autistic people.

Some people have higher care needs than others - I don’t think anyone would disagree with that. But use of the word ‘mild’ tends to minimise real struggles that people have. There is that quote about ‘my autism isn’t mild to me - other people experience it mildly’ (often due to masking)

I am a member of the 'autistic community' , if by that you mean people who are autistic. I'm not minimising anyone's diagnosis in particular (other than my own maybe, although I don't see it that way) I don't know them. I only started that there are levels of severity.
Whether people are offended by that is neither here nor there. It doesn't make it less true.

I'm not belittling anything. I'm autistic, as is my child. Its affected my life greatly, know well the struggles. But my childs autism IS much more severe than mine. It is a fact. It is plain to see,. Clear in the way it affects their life. I would be amazed if they manage to live completely independently as an adult. Or hold down a full time job. They are unable to cope in mainstream school. Unable to mask in any real way.
I cannot comment on the severity of the diagnosis of other people I don't know and I never tried to - I just started that there are levels of severity. Which there are.
To say that that is not more severe is an insult to them.

And I say that as the mum of a very complex adult child who needs 2:1, 24/7 care.

A lot of people in the autistic community find it offensive when other people minimise our difficulties by saying ‘oh but you only have mild autism’

You can’t quantify severity as there are several elements to autism and define ability to function anyway. You dont know the severity of anybody’s diagnosis so don’t get to decide for them.

If you know how damaging masking is don’t dismiss it as an ability and use it to belittle the diagnoses of autistic people who do it.

They are all equally autistic but some people's is more severe, it affects their ability to function in a NT society more severely. That is undeniable. Just like with physical disabilities, deafness and visual impairments are a spectrum, but being profoundly deaf or completely blind will impair your ability to function independently much more severely.

And 'FYI' you don't need to tell me what masking is like thanks, as I said I do it everyday. You seem to think you are the font all knowledge on autism.

No I’m telling you that anybody with an autism diagnosis has to reach a threshold and it isn’t mild.

FYI masking is hugely debilitating and damaging, it has caused the need for high levels of support and services for one of my children. My children collectively do all the above. They are different but it’s not a competition and all
are equally autistic.

What a load of BS. You're trying to tell me that someone non-verbal, self harming, constant meltdowns isn't more severely autistic than someone (like me) who is noise sensitive, struggles with changes in routine and social interactions but is able to mask?
Now that's offensive

The state of NHS autism/ADHD assessment waiting lists has nothing to do with GPs. What is she meant to do?

He’s just an ex therapist commercialising anxiety under an agency.

I’ll take my advice from proper professionals thanks.

Yes I know who he is. No i don’t agree with one person’s view. If all, or the majority of, mental health experts agreed then that would be different. Some expert once said vaccines cause autism. Some don’t understand what climate change is. Just because he said it doesn’t make it true

Sorry not going to be told what to do or even listen to somebody who has said the things you have said about ND and people getting a diagnosis. It’s laughable that you think you have some inner knowledge when you clearly know so little.

Honestly please go and do some research as this is ridiculous. There are absolutely loads of experts that share my concerns. It is just ridiculous to pretend they don't exist. By all means disagree with them, but it is just completely deluded to pretend they don't exist.

I can see you are incredibly emotionally attached to your beliefs in this area and this is personal for you. I genuinely don't want to upset you but I think that we need to have a fair and balanced representation of the science in this area. It isn't really ok to post that we definitively know that autism is caused completely by genetic factors etc when it is completely misleading. This is an area of emerging science. It is natural that different opinions and theories exist. It's not a personal attack to acknowledge this

He didn't say anxiety didn't exist. He said that there was no such thing as anxiety disorder. The two things are very different.

Are you trying to say Owen O'Kane doesn't qualify as an expert? Are you even aware of him? I'm assuming you are because otherwise it would be incredibly ignorant of you without even knowing his credentials.