AIBU to think BIL & SIL aren’t ready to adopt??

shock people without children are focussed on their careers and hobbies! Kind of feels like a given doesn’t it?

I think they are just trying to be positive and think about all the wonderful things they can do as a family, that’s nice isn’t it?

Also, I’d never looked after a child overnight before having my own children, the opportunity hadn’t arisen but we’re all still here to tell the tale!

Tbh it sounds like they’re not going to know what’s hit them when the child arrives. But neither do any new parents!

Just be supportive from the sidelines, that’s all you can do.

Absolutely this! My grandson and partner are going through the adoption process at the moment and the hoops they have to jump through are unbelievable. It will take about 18 months to get a child, and they are not even ‘insisting’ on a baby, as they are happy with a child up to 6 years old, male or female. Even with that flexibility, it’s still taking for ever.
Yes, it’s frustrating and time-consuming, but they are happy to do it to get a child.
I sometimes think it would be good if every couple had to go through this before actually conceiving the traditional way!
incidentally, the whole family is excited about this, and very supportive, but no-one is interfering. The decisions are for the prospective parents to make.

They have been assessed and verified as suitable adopters. They will be fine. They are speaking positively about the situation , that’s a good thing. It’s also highly probable they are actually unable to talk about anything else due to safeguarding.

YABU most people who have babies don’t know what to expect/ have never looked after a baby overnight before.

Of course they are allowed to be excited and look forward to things. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand the struggles. I’m sure you would be complaining if they kept mentioning the negatives.

Does any new parent really know what they are letting themselves in for?

they’ve been through the vetting process. Just be happy for them, and the child, and for the life of ALL THINGS HOLY do not say anything!

Adopted kids go on holiday and do sports. There is nothing wrong with working hard. It's lovely that they're excited to welcome their child.

I can completely understand why they would be tight-lipped about any concerns around the judgemental know-it-all sister who has no adopted children of her own. You come across as very unpleasant OP, it would be better for you to work on your own flaws before fretting about other people.

You don’t think that the parents themselves plus all of the many professionals who are involved in the incredibly detailed & length process of adoption are the ones best placed to worry about the interests of a child? You know… the people who do actually have all of the information?

I think you are overreacting. One of the first things I thought when I had my DD was to look for wonderful fabrics to sew her first communion gown, followed by if she was going to study a degree here or in other European country. I'm originally from continental Europe. LOL
Nerver the lese, she is six. I dont have the fabric yet and I cant care less of her degree yet because I only wants her to be happy.
I did not spoke with many people about the nights struggles and breastfeeding but I was happy as Larry to show them fabrics and dream about living in a continental capital with her meanwhile she were studying. Lol.

You’re being unreasonable. They’re excited to become parents. They’re excited for all the same stuff as every other parent before them has been.

Everyone is clueless pre becoming an actual parent! We all were. They’ll get there. And FWIW my friends have just adopted, and it was a three year process, with an incredible amount of steps along the way, all built around the child’s comfort level.

Nobody is just handing them a kid and just walking away; there is a very structured team and process at every step, as far as I have gleaned anyway from my friends.

Why do you think you know about adopting than they do?

I had absolutely no idea what I was in for when I gave birth to my first.

One of the things I did to prepare for parenthood was to make a reading list of books which would challenge me intellectually because I'd been warned about "baby brain" and I wanted to be prepared.

All of this.

I don't really agree with the OP but don't know the situation.

BUT equating adoption to having a child naturally is just not the same at all. Any adopted child will be traumatised, based on everything I've heard from friends who have adopted they need wayyyy more supportive and hands on parenting than non-adopted children.

So the fact that adoptive parents need to be extra more informed rather than just figuring it out as they go like birth parents is definitely a thing. I think the OP is likely missing that the family probably have done this preparation.

I'm sure they will have been over all this throughout the adoption process

They can probably sense your judgement and are choosing to only share the positive thoughts with you.

They don't just hand children to people who want one. I'd assume they're not sharing everything with you.

You sound bitter and unpleasant.

Your SIL and BIL will have gone through a long and rigorous application and vetting process before being allowed to adopt - unlike anyone who has a biological child.

Maybe it won't be as easy as they think - but so what? They'll adjust and find their way, just like any other parent does.

You sound condescending to be honest OP.

You are not better qualified to parent just because you were fortunate enough to be able to have your own biological children. You are simply more experienced now. But you weren’t when you first had a child.

I doubt you were fully prepared for the reality of having a child, nobody is. Adoption is a very rigorous process and they are likely very well prepared.

Ah, maybe providing childcare for OP's children would have been the ideal opportunity to get this vital experience?

Unnecessarily harsh. This is a real person who has posted for advice. What I've read is concern for the wellbeing of a child. Perhaps misguided or misinformed but not toxic.

YABU.

You sound very smug and patronising. Did you know what you were in for when you had a DC? I presume you conceived naturally - your BiL & SiL don't have that privilege.

Your post is so lacking in empathy it's almost unbelievable. I hope you keep your judgemental self well away from them, and let them enjoy being parents.

You’re being unkind and judgemental. Most soon-to-be parents aren’t going on about the things they are worried about -
they express the excitement publicly and discuss reservations privately.

Oh I hadn't thought of the abroad angle. I know people who adopted in the states and were totally horrified to be given a 'damaged' child (their words not mine) who had special needs. They absolutely wanted a refund. Awful.