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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister cut me off

58 replies

MyAquaEagle · 26/03/2025 10:00

My sister (23) and I were very close until early December. She started telling people I was being mean to her and deliberately upsetting her. I got angry and told everyone it wasn’t true and showed people evidence. After an argument with her boyfriend she apologised and admitted it wasn’t true, (I apologised for getting angry) but she then said she no longer wanted contact with me. She convinced my family to uninvited me from Christmas and block me when I tried to resolve everything and go round to their house.

I have 4 kids (8m, 3, 4 and 6). My family provided my social support and my childcare so this was all lost when she cut me off. My husband works a lot and worked all over Christmas, long hours with a 4 hour commute. I was alone the whole time. I’ve had minimal help for the last 4 months.

I have a big family so there was a big impact when it was removed. She’s a very popular member of the family and is easily able to influence others. Many have sided with me, but my immediate family have all sided with her, (she’s the baby of our family and we’re all very protective of her).

My family kept saying they were arranging a meeting. But it never happened. My sister got a therapist and said she’s been told she doesn’t have to talk to me or discuss anything.

After 4 months my sister is now ready to meet again but she doesn’t want to discuss anything. She has refused to apologise. I’ve apologised. I can accept she doesn’t have to apologise to me, and I just accept I can’t trust her not to do it again. But how do have a relationship with my family with her there? Do I just pretend everything’s not awkward and I’m not in a lot of pain from what she’s done to me?

The other problem is my immediate family, they’re refusing to acknowledge she’s done a bad thing by cutting me off for months when I have 4 young kids and rely on them.

AIBU? Should I just get over it?

OP posts:
TangerinePlate · 26/03/2025 10:32

Get over your „family”. It sounds like all of them have some growing up to do otherwise you’ll be treated like shit over and over again when your sister has a whim to fall out with you.

Find your childcare and social group elsewhere. Stop relying on people who are able to drop you like a hot potato only on somebody else opinion.

Drop the rope and let them come to you then don’t sweep unresolved issues under the carpet. Adult people communicate.Don’t let anybody get away with treating you shoddily.

Yes it hurts like hell but in time to come it’s for your benefit. Blissful life free of drama, antics and unhinged relatives. Peace 🙂

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/03/2025 10:32

Girl

Cut ties with all of them!

With family like that, who needs enemies!

Original poster
MyAquaEagle · 26/03/2025 10:31

Thanks for your reply’s everyone. I was paying my sister for childcare. (I kept the baby who was EBF). Elder 2 at school, 3rd at preschool, so I wasn’t overwhelming her with work. She asked for the job. It work very well for 2+ years. I was on mat leave, so was keeping her on until I went back to work. I can look after the 4 kids myself on mat leave, but I relied heavily on the emotional support. Myself, my sister and my mum were very very close.

OP posts:
Mbhhhvff · 26/03/2025 10:30

They’ve shown you they don’t value you and they actively favour your sister.

I wouldn’t trust them going forward and I would never involve them In childcare again. If your sister has that much influence you need to think she might start turning your children against you as they grow older if you reconnect with her. She is going to feel very powerful and like she holds all of the cards now after successfully causing that division.

She is toxic, they all support her toxic behaviour. The only family you should concentrate your energies on going forward are your children.

Hopelesscase32 · 26/03/2025 10:24

I'm not sure what it is you are trying to gain. These people cut you off completely including your children over the word of your sister. i would tell the lot of them to fuck off

Starlight7080 · 26/03/2025 10:20

This all sounds very stressful. Obviously going forward you can not rely on them for childcare help.
It must be a lot to have 4 kids so close together in age . But not to sound to harsh . That was your choice and is your and your husband responsibility.
Also did you have a bad relationship before this with your family? It's so odd they would cut contact with you and your children. Did they not miss them?
It's very mean if you all had no other problems before hand .
I would definitely keep my distance to stop it affecting you so much if happens again

FranticHare · 26/03/2025 10:13

Does your Sis live with the rest of your immediate family?

So because she shouted loudest, your parents and other siblings (?) stopped speaking to you too? And stopped seeing their Grandchildren/Niece's/Nephew's?

In which case, they have shown you who they are and I would not be rushing back. Find alternative help with the children when needed - you couldn't trust your family just to withdraw help again. Join some toddler groups and meet some like minded other mums. Build your social group away from your family.

Maybe keep a line of communication open - birthday cards etc. But I wouldn't be looking for a close relationship with those that think that little of me.

willtrent · 26/03/2025 10:10

You are unreasonable to rely so heavily on other people to raise your own children, and also to consider ever forgiving them. Unfortunately, when you rely on other people, they know they can treat you like a doormat and get away with it. If you want to put up with the for the rest of your life then by all means, forgive your sister and family.

Personally I would be staying away from all the toxic people and build my own life away from them.