Friend lost to church

No advice but this happened to me about 20 years ago. Wasn't a cult per se but very fundamental evangelical church.

We'd grown up in a big gaggle of close friends. All fairly average and normal. Pub on a Friday, but not to the point of blotto, no drugs, no messing around above and beyond usual teenage/20 something antics. But this one Friend simply didn't think we were good enough people to hang around with any more, and wasn't ashamed to tell us all and then ghost us.

Am sure he is fine now, but was very very odd at the time.

Sadly places like this prey on very vulnerable people, offer them ‘community’ and ‘belonging’ that they crave and they are just too blinkered to see reality.
I still pray for my former friend. I hope she is ok.

when my mental health was wrecked I turned to church. Clearly vulnerable and was taken advantage of. So this thread makes me feel uneasy but I just wanted to say please “be there” for if / when she comes out the other side.

She’ll be embarrassed & mortified like I am still even though I’m 4 years doing down the line!

Even so, Christianity isn’t supposed to be as you’ve described OP. Not sure how it’s still going “wrong” in 2025.

Shudder!

A lot of churches in America are movingbfrom worshipping Christ to worshipping Trump and it sounds like this one may be the same. No wonder they don't want her having friends outside church - people in this country don't tend to hesitate to criticise their idol!

Similar situation with a friend who is a regular churchgoer yet has developed the most unChristian superior outlook on people. I'm not sure our friendship will last much longer tbh.

That’s not a church, it’s a cult.

There’s a real problem amongst a lot of evangelical churches and certainly the fundamentalist ones. They have basically nothing in common with the liberal Church of England or Roman Catholics. They harbour some very extreme American-inspired ideas. They also ask you to donate huge amounts each month.

Just be there for your friend in the hope she surfaces; sadly she may not. I say this as a practising Christian.

I lost my best friend from school this way - she was preyed on in a mental hospital when she developed psychosis and refuses to talk about our shared past at all. Everything she does for fun is church based now and she glazes over if I try to talk about anything else and can't seem to engage. It's tough because on one hand I am glad her meds are working and she is stable but it does feel like I am talking to a robot a lot of the time as she just parrots scripture at me and doesn't fully engage with the real world.

Jesus spent time with all sorts of people considered social outcasts and “spiritually unclean” including tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes, those possessed by demons, Samaritans, adulterers and criminals.

If Jesus was alive today you’d be far more likely to find him with the homeless and drug addicts than in a church.

Once someone has been captured by the anti woke pro trump crew they are a lost cause. Leave her to it and don’t accept her back once the tide turns.

This happened to me and I AM Christian!
My former friend found a very radical ‘church‘ cult, got rebaptised, and cut off everything and everyone associated with her former life, family included.

Sadly it is probably a cult not a church. Genuine Christianity has absolutely no barrier to friendship with non-Christians - indeed, living your life as a Christian among non-Christians is upheld as a powerful "witness" - a way of showing by example the difference a Christ-filled life can make. If she's being told to cut off all contact with outsiders it's because of fear from the leadership that she might hear a voice of reason and get pulled from their grasp.

You can't take responsibility for rescuing her but you can let her know that you'll be there for her when the dark side of the cult she's in starts to show (they will be love-bombing her and hiding the negatives until she's too enmeshed to leave) and will happily come with her to a different non-culty church if she decides to explore a more loving version of Christianity.

They might call themselves ‘Christians’ but they are in fact the exact opposite.

I knowntheres nothing I can really do, but I feel like she is being radicalised!

Sadly there isn’t, and yes, she is.

I don’t know the sermon recommended by @AstonishedWaiting , but clearly it’s anti-hate common sense so definitely worth sending, but don’t expect it to be well received. She’ll be convinced it’s just a tactic to try to get her to deviate from her ‘true path’.

Sad and frustrating as it is, you probably need to just let the friendship go. She’s already drunk the Koolaid and the hold this ‘church’ has on her will be exponentially more powerful than any appeal to her rational mind.

The Christian message is of love and any church that does not abide by this is not genuine!

I think you say that her decision is sad but it is hers to make and that you will be here if she changes her mind. This kind of fundamental church can be deeply destructive. Some years ago for a while we attended one. We left realising the impact it was having. For example, a gay child could be ostracised and shunned. Friends who remained did have such a child who really struggled with his sexuality. For years he was in and out of hospital. Similarly they can ingrain deeply sexist views and abuse of women is quite common. I recall one preacher berating a man for “allowing” his wife to earn more than him. For yourselves steer clear and do not get drawn into this toxic life.

Thats rough. The rejection and the loss of a friend.

Do you know what she is getting out of this church that she can’t get by continuing your friendship? Is she struggling with all the perceived changes and she is scared about offending people etc..