Day off for dads death

Absolutely yes - emotional days like this are hugely important and are far more important than another day at school and a normal day

Maybe gaming will distract him from the awfulness of the day, he's not asking to leave school and game full-time 🙄🙄

I did the first few years.

And??

and he won't necessarily either. Where is your compassion?

And we wonder why there's a mentality health crisis ongoing.

He's now of an age to be able to articulate his needs regarding his mental well being. He understands that he has to go to school every day. He understands the world didn't stop turning when his Dad died and won't on his anniversary. He understands that he needs to take time out to deal with his emotions and grief and pain. And frankly, if he chooses to do this every year then so what? Likely better than burying it and then drinking it out for decades!!

My children went to school on the anniversary of their dad's death because they never asked to stay off.

Had they asked to stay off I would not have thought twice about keeping them off. I don't understand what the problem is. What matters if he misses one day of school every year?

I wouldn't care if they wanted to spend the day gaming (which is actually something their dad loved doing), staying in bed or whatever.

My children's lives shattered when they lost their dad. Their sense of security in the word forever changed. They would have bloody deserved a day off if that is what they wanted and needed.

Yes let him have the day off.

be with him and remember your husband together x

But that wouldn’t be a problem would it?

Completely understandable OP.

I take my dad’s birthday and anniversary of his death off every year. It’ll be 8 years this year and I’m 43! Always try and do something with family, either my kids/husband or my mum/siblings.
so I’m in the, let him have the day off and do something fun and start a tradition, camp

Absolutely let him have the day off. I find the suggestion of some PPs to commemorate the death on another, more convenient day, frankly wide of the mark. He is not commemorating it, he is GRIEVING. The feelings come automatically around the time of the anniversary, you can't just repress the grief on a Tuesday and summon it up on a Saturday because it's not a school day. (And yes of course anniversaries don't necessarily have this impact on everyone but clearly this one does on HIM).
And don't force him to do something meaningful. Be led by him; if he wants to 'wallow in grief' alone in his room or spend all day gaming, let him - but be available to do something more symbolic together or to support him to do it if HE wants.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. You know him the best

My husband died suddenly 18mths ago. My kids are a little older but we’re 16 and 19 at the time. Their dad died in school summer holidays so that’s not a problem but I have allowed my daughter to take days off if and when she needs to. I don’t care about her attendance, she’s getting top grades and is predicted top grades for her A levels etc but I told her that no exam will ever be more important to me than her happiness and mental health so if life gets too much and she wants to take a day off, I let her. Losing a parent at any age is a huge upheaval emotionally let alone at such a young age g age. Grief is different for everyone one and kids process differently. I’d let it go, pick your battles..

I think I would explore with him what he wants to do to mark the anniversary. If it’s a quiet day of reflection / visit the spot where the ashes are scattered / go for a quiet walk with you and some lunch then yes absolutely letting him have the day off is fine and the right thing to do to mark the anniversary. If it’s more around he thinks it’s an excuse to stay away from school and have a day playing on his computer then no. Set the expectation that you will be doing something together.

The fact he's even thinking about that day already says that he needs to take it off. It's obviously still extremely distressing and no amount of school will distract him. Better to look it in the eye and grieve. School attendance needs to be good but not 100%.

But most are not at work at only 12 years old!!

So let him every year

I agree with this.

my dad died 4 years ago this week and I wish I had taken the anniversary off the first 2 years at least. Last year was ok. This year it happens to fall on a non working day which I’m relieved about.

So what!? It’s one day

I would let him have it off, so what if he wants it off every year, he’s a kid that lost his dad 😢

I was 35 when my Mum died and I still took the anniversary day off work for the first couple of years. I didn’t want to get upset at work and knew I would struggle to concentrate. His attendance is otherwise good so I would absolutely let him take it off and explain to the school.

Absolutely let him be off. I lost my Dad last year and took the first anniversary off work and spent the day paying respects to him.

People seem very cold saying send him in.

Yes. Let him have it off if that’s what he feels he needs on the day. Don’t decide now, decide on the day.

I often work myself up before the anniversary of my dad’s death, and feel stressed/anxious. However the actual day I’m fine. So he may be feeling worse now and fine the actual day.

And why the hell not?

Completely agree with this

If he feels a day off would help him, I would allow it. Every year if necessary.

My 10 year old boy died of cancer on 2nd January 2018. I book the day off work every single year and also his birthday in the Summer.