Day off for dads death

I wouldn't tell the school just tell them he is sick.

Then come up with a tradition to mark it for him (every year for as long as he needs,)

Maybe something he can do on his own when he's adult if necessary

People always used to visit the graves and take flowers on anniversaries.

There was a reason for that

When my father was dying (I was married with children) I spent every evening on coming back from the hospital playing Tetris on my PC

Totally mindless and it helped me not to think

Even though it was Easter did you do anything specific in the last two years in way of remembering his dad. If you did then absolutely let him have the day off and do whatever it is that you do.

I'd be more willing to send him to school if it's treated as just another day on the XBOX.

A 12 year old boy grieving his dad and finding it especially hard on an anniversary of his death is… moping?

Jesus Christ. I hope you’re never ever unlucky enough to be in the terrible position where you have to guide a young person through grief of such a crucial figure as a parent.

@Noideawhatimdoing40 after 436 replies what do you think you should do?
Will he have the day off or won't he?

Indeed. There are quite a few posters on this thread who seriously lack empathy. But I find the ‘moping’ comment to be the worst. Who the hell calls a child grieving for his dad ‘moping’?

If he wants to sit in a dark room for the day to get through then that should be fine. He is a 12 year old who has been through a traumatic experience.

he has the rest of the year to get on with life. Let him “mope” for a day if he needs.

Fuck me, “moping”. This is a boy that lost his father aged 9, only three years ago.

Where is your empathy?

You can mark it obviously and you should but after-school, moping isn't constructive

I know what you meant too, and my point stands. It's an important one to make because you're not the only one to have said that or something similar.

OP hasn't said DS wants to spend the day remembering or doing a specific memory or DF related activity, there's no reason to think he does, it's not better or necessary to do that and some people would find it actively unhelpful.

I know what I meant but, if you have to be right, crack on because I CBA.

As a former teacher with a background in psychology, I'd be quite horrified if a parent sent their child in on the anniversary of the other parent's death after the child requested the day off. In those circumstances I'd expect the child to stay at home - school isn't the right place for someone who is struggling with a difficult and traumatic event and it's not fair to put either him or the teachers in that position. If parent came to me and explained the issue and asked for help, I'd gladly give it, on the caveat that there is a hard limit to what schools can realistically do and the best place for a child to be at a time like that is with a parent. I can pretty confidently say no teacher would have any objection to a child staying at home for this reason - all teachers know the massive impact the death of a parent can have on a child and most would be glad the parent is doing something to acknowledge and deal with that.

A day for him to feel safe, cocooned from the everyday trials of life is very little to ask in the grand scheme of things. I’d 100% would and let him lead how he would like to spend the day

It’s scary to think parents are prioritising school over their children’s mental health 😱 when people start opening their eyes to the reality of the education system they might become more aware of how it’s not designed for how they seem to think it is.

I’m another who’d let him have the day at home; it’s significant to him, and the last place he’d want to be if he’s upset is at school.

If you can, it would be nice to do something and make it a better experience. Just something simple like a walk, or going somewhere they enjoyed together.

Grieving is a horrible, awful, unknown journey and affects everyone differently. Please let him have this day, he’s possibly been building up to asking you - better to be off with your blessing than be upset at school, or tempted to be truant.

How do you know he will be better off? The only precedent she is setting is listening to and respecting her child’s thoughts and feelings, enabling him to feel like he can come to her in times of need.

Aye, everybody's different. It didn't occur to me, in the slightest, that I'd want, or need, a day off on that date in subsequent years. I just got on with it. I hope the wee lad's okay on the day, but it's setting an awkward precedent. What'll it be next, taking a day off college, university, or your job? Life goes on, it has to.

That's sad for you.

It's almost as if everyone grieves differently. Or is it everyone else should suffer as I suffered?

Who was talking about the OP and her son when she said she'd take him to Alton Towers.

I’d let him have it off. I lost my dad 13 years ago and I’m in my 40s now, but on days that are important - Father’s Day, his birthday, the anniversary of his death - those are the days that are a little bit tougher

Grief comes and goes and I consider it like waves, some days are just a lot calmer than others and for a young lad, he’s dealing with his emotions as he grows older and will be considering more of what he has lost, the moments he and his dad have missed, the older he gets

He’s asked for a reason. Respect his wishes.