Day off for dads death

That's great to hear. It's good to build new positive memories that mix with the sad day and help with the grief long term. He'll have massively appreciated you listening to him.

Lovely update - so glad it worked out well for all and that the school was supportive too.

I am so glad school were (rightfully) understanding and supportive and that you had a lovely day together.

I lost my adoptive mum at 12. There was little remembrance of her afterwards - she was dead and gone.

I wish very much that my father had taken me off school for the day and remembered / celebrated her life.

Even now decades later apparently around her death date I'm unsettled and twitchy, according to my sons and partner. Perhaps if there had been a ritual to mark her passing I would have coped better.

Your son is so young and letting hom mark the day could be important for him, when he looks back in 30 years' time. I'm glad you're letting him have the day off in remembrance.

My husband is terminally ill. When the time comes I’ll be letting my kids 9 and 13 take the day off school and we’ll do things to remember him. Take flowers to his resting place, etc. It’s massive to lose a parent but it’s even bigger to lose a parent at such a young age xx

i think what is blindingly obvious from this thread is that there is no “right” answer to this. Everyone seems to have different attitudes to grieving. Do what is right by your son.

School should be fine - we'd mark it down as Exceptional Circumstances.

And it obviously did you no harm.
Except the bit where you lost your ability to feel and now tell people to FO on Mumsnet 🙄

that’s lovely OP I think a perfect response. I would tell the school, it’s useful for them to know in the following days to check in with him if needed and so DS doesn’t need to hide why they were off.

It might have been more helpful for you to go to school and be distracted, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing for OP's son.

I’d also let him have the day off every year for ‘moping’ and ‘wallowing’ OP. There’s no shame in grieving regardless of what some posters on this thread think.

Oh do fuck off I lost my dad when I was 11...

My mum died over 30 years ago. Until last year I took her anniversary off. I don't feel the need to now. Let him do what feels right for him.

I would let him have the day off school if that's what he needs and do something to remember his dad.

I'd absolutely let him take it off. Adults would be able to book that day off work and if it feels like something he needs I'd let him.

Yes ! Let him take it off . I too am a widow and although it is 9 years since we lost my husband we find the anniversary still very hard . Let your son grieve in his own way . Celebrate your memories with him .

let school know that he'll be off, and may have a difficult time in the week or so around it.

Others commenting 'he can't have it off every year' - he's had the last two off due to the holidays, it's not likely the summer exam period will be this early, he can likely have it off every year, and as it gets further into the past, he may not need it off, but if he feels like he does it's reasonable! I know plenty of people who take a death anniversary of a parent off work every year.

Yes do ask the school
in advance. We would authorise this - I work in a school office

Be honest with school (but don’t ask permission tell them he will be off) that way they can be aware on the surrounding days incase he needs any extra support

Yeah, just tell the school. "X is the anniversary of his father's death so he won't attend school that day."

I wouldn't ask the school. They can be obsessed with attendance not because he has had much time off but because of their overall percentages. If they say no it will upset him. He will either go in or stay off feeling as though he's disapproved of. That would really upset a conscientious hard working boy struggling with the impact of the day. It is a day off sick necessary to support his mental health which is just as important as physical health. Sometimes people stay of work/school with a cold. All you need say when you contact the school is that it is a day off sick to support his mental health. There shouldn't be any issues with it at all. If there is I wouldn't tell him. 💐

I think the school will absolutely allow it. They always allowed it for my best friend’s daughter when she was in the situation to you.

You’re doing the right thing here. He needs to learn that feelings are valid and he’s asking for a completely appropriate thing to deal with them. It must be so hard for him. We need to allow space for these young boys, young men even, to feel what’s going on and not push it all away.

I wouldn’t even ask the school.

”I am taking X out of school for the day, as it will be extremely emotionally challenging for him.”

100% attendance is completely ableist bullshit anyway.

Fucking hell.

The kid lost his dad when he was 9. Can't you begin to understand how traumatic that sort of thing is?

Having a single day off to process that every year is not fucking "moping".