I just watched Adolescence - terrified!

Reactions to this show are a bit OTT. Yes, online filth is bad. But schools are a bigger problem. Bullying goes unchecked. And it is so sly that adults don't even have a clue or think its no big deal.

While the popular mantra is about standing up to bullies, being the bigger person and resilience, the message should be DO NOT BULLY. Anyone. Ever. Because you don't know who you will piss off.
That weak kid? His big brother is in a gang.
That fat girl? Her dad is in Hells Angels.
That weirdo? He's really a psychopath who will eventually grab a knife. Or worse.

Would you let your kids come home from school and be on their computer until 1am in the morning and give up on everything else?

If yes, then of course they are likely to be affected by the issues raised.

If you intend to raise them to use social media sensibly and mix it in with family time and encourage them to pursue their interests (whether that be sport, music or art) and actually converse with them, then you should be fine.

I have a 13 yo DS and agree that the incel/manosphere stuff is horrific but what I took away from Adolescence was that there were many issue in Jamie's life that contributed to a 'perfect storm" of reasons (not excuses) for him murdering Katie. He didn't seem to have a close relationship with either parent by this point, a generally angry Dad who was abused by his father and had to be periodically calmed down by Mum and sister, Dad who forced him into hobbies completely unsuited to his personality and didn't seem to value much about the person Jamie actually was etc. Also Jamie left roaming the streets till 10.30pm on a school night, alone for much of it as I think his friends left at 8.30 pm. I think that's what made it particularly interesting, that there were lots of small issues that painted a larger picture.

So I think the take away for me is to focus on the things I can control. The things that are basically normal aspects of parenting and should be done for boys and girls equally - parental controls on phones/screens, keeping a close connection (to me and other family members), not leaving them to stagnate in their bedrooms, take an interest in their life and the things they are interested in, talk about everything, encourage positive hobbies that fit their interests, focus your praise on who they are to build self esteem, check where they are and where they are going, don't let sexism go unchecked within your home or in things they say - point it out every single time etc etc.

And not even a particularly good one. The school scenes were badly acted and unrealistic.

Nope - but I have worked and frequently been in the 8/10 state comps in our city and can tell you that not ONE was like that school. Not even close. Not even the ‘bad’ school that people talk about.
None of them allow phones, none of the teachers talk to the pupils like that, none of the kids are running around like that, the general atmosphere is very calm and there are units etc in place in school ground for the kids who do have SEN or struggle with behaviour.

Trust me, that show doesn’t need promotion! It’s a brilliant and important piece of telly, and a global success…

Am I the only one more horrified by the portrayal of the school & some of the pupils?

I asked DS and his BFF what they thought of Andrew Tate and the BFF said he thought he’s probably been brain damaged with too many punches to the head during his fighting career and that’s what was wrong with him 🤣

It’s a great programme. Use it to talk to your kids.
I don’t know about ‘terrified’ though, we watched it with 14 year old son and he didn’t recognise at lot of what was going on- his school ( state comp) is nothing like what was portrayed and he didn’t know about 80/20 etc though obvs he has heard of incels, the ‘manosphere’ etc in passing BUT
he has no social media, doesn’t have a computer or tv in his bedroom, we have the internet set to parental controls, and he’s restricted as to how much time he has on his phone and screens.
Its not perfect, but it works for us

There are stabbings reported on the news all the time yet there aren't the threads and hysteria about them like there are about this drama.

It's like posters who have sons are afraid they will suddenly go around stabbing people.

Shows like this are our equivalent of the toxic devices which we worry about teenagers using. Daily-Mail style poison for our minds. I remember noticing how biased Pano-bloody-Rama was when I was a teenager, specifically on a programme about working parents.

I haven't watched Adolescence (I refuse to watch most TV as a matter of principle, because I believe most of it is very contrived to suit an agenda), but what form does it take? Is it fiction, a documentary, or reality TV? Mind you, "fiction" could and does apply to all those categories; I'm sure most "reality TV" is scripted from start to finish. Does it have lots of tearful interviews with the parents and the teenagers? Do the teenagers speak in text speak, perhaps because the producers told them to?

I remember V Roosh etc

but what is all the panic about now? Is it that people thought this stuff had gone away? It never went away. It got worse.

I would've thought if you had children, you would take sensible steps to approach it. But now I'm wondering if people just have no clue how to monitor their children online.

I know it's a cliche but I don't think this applies to every teenage boy or young man..some do still turn out well and respectable and might not even like Andrew Tate.

I really don't understand all the hype around this drama, l have seen it, thought it was OK.
Maybe don't let your children when they're 13 wander the town at 10.30 and lock down thier phones and check what they doing online. There is real problem with the way boys/men are treating woman but it's not likely one of your sons will suddenly go and stab someone.

Yes, this.
Keep the channels open so they can come to you if there's a problem.
My DS is a wonderful young adult - kind, hard-working. He has pushed the boundaries a few times - tested the waters to see if this or that comment is misogynistic, for example - and we have pushed back, and he has learnt. I am very proud that he has felt able to ask for my help with some private stuff and he knew I wouldn't judge. I couldn't do that with my mum because she would be disgusted and wouldn't help. But yes, keep them close by doing stuff together and being interested in them.

Pop on 'Last one laughing' on Prime and put some joy and perspective in your brain rather than filling it with preemptive fear over something that will likely never touch you Irl. Honestly, it's making me so cross how panicked this programme has made many parents.. it plays into some of our deepest darkest fears for sure. I'm not saying put your head in the sand but projecting is not helpful in parenting in my experience. Just love them, role model well and hold on tight through the teen years. All will be well x

The exact story itself is fake but there are plenty of young men like Jamie. Mums SHOULD be vigilant about this! You can't stay unaware of what teenagers and children are getting sucked into these days, and right now it happens to be the andrew tate crap

Keep them off a smart phone for as long as possible and restrict their internet use.

Keep doing things as a family that you all enjoy, eat together every night, talk about their day, listen to them, let them know you love them and they can come to you with any issues/problems/worries. Also encourage them to bring friends home so you get to know them.

The show was meant to prompt thought, not panic (I hope?!). There's a happy medium between the complacent parent 'oh that'll never happen to my little angel' and the hyperviligant paranoid parent.

Personally I think most parents can learn a thing or two from the show, but adjust the parenting of their teens, rather than completely overhaul it.

It's a Netflix drama 🙄

Edited - didn't mean to quote you there ,sorry!

Your boys will learn a lot from how your partner treats women, speaks about women and shows them by example how to be a decent human being.

Teenagers are of course influenced by social media and their peers so it's important to talk with them about issues - not lecturing but conversation. Ask them what they think about issues and really listen to gauge what influences they might be listening to. Challenge problematic views and get to know their friends. Stay involved in their lives and limit access to social media while they are under 16.

Agree. This is why they shouldn’t be on it. At all. It’s time for parents to say no and stop the excuses.

Also ask your DS to show you any odd things that pop up on their social media or YouTube etc because their age group are being targeted specifically

I do believe that for your DS age group there is more of an issue re incel etc than we realise re the Adolescence TV show

@irisetta

anyone commenting re their older DC well it’s pointless absolutely pointless

you need to listen to parents or teachers of this age group 8-14

as it relates mainly to this age group

older DC won’t really be that into it or immersed in it all as much as the 8-14 age group