I just watched Adolescence - terrified!

They've created a story about a kid with a stable home and no prior history of violence suddenly murdering someone over a minor insult because that makes a good story. Cases of that happening in real life are vanishingly rare.

It showed how seemingly minor things - volatile temper, clueless parenting, shitty school, inappropriate online content and low key bullying - turned into a toxic cocktail that resulted in a murder. Rare chance, but never zero

A weird thing that came up when chatting to my kids, said very casually, that people don’t like boys/ men and assume they’re all going to attack people/ steal/ be boy racers and in general be criminals. They said everything now is about how girls can do or be anything and the world is their oyster whereas boys are looked on with mistrust and I found that sad. They said they’d never got that from us but in general in the media and when they were in primary (mixed), the girls were told that eg universities and jobs were looking for more women as there wasn’t enough women in the workforce/ stem etc. I talked to them about it but I do wonder and worry that boys/ teens/ men feel like this is a woman’s world and with the crap on the internet they’re being goaded on

I haven't read all the replies but you are being more than reasonable. The whole point is the door was closed, the device was in his hands - they didn't know what was going on with him.

I thought it was utterly chilling.

I heard someone refer to it this morning as 'parents are now panicking after not paying any attention at all to what has been happening on the Internet for the last 10-15 years' 😂. The situation is the same as before you watched it. You need to be aware of what's going on, have open channels of communication with your kids and be all over what they see online, equip them to be critical thinkers, make sure no one in their life is modelling misogyny, or that at least they are aware of what it is. Limit what social media they can access, control the phone, etc. You can not just be terrified, but actively support your kids to be the antidote to this way of thinking and behaviour.

Homicide rates are down (a global trend. Not just UK) What about other violent crime and sexual assaulted? What about other types of domestic abuse and violence? Coercive control, trafficking, child sexual exploitation. Extremist misogyny does not just (or even often) lead to murder but it always leads to some kind of aggressive assertion of power OVER usually women and girls but also boys and men. This is not nothing. EDIT: Although I agree with your point looking for the "smoking gun".nsocial media is one part of this. But it's not the only thing.

It's strange how many people seem to be treating this fictional story as a primary source. There's no new information there, just the writers' and actors' opinions and a trace of the real-life cases they used in their research.

They've created a story about a kid with a stable home and no prior history of violence suddenly murdering someone over a minor insult because that makes a good story. Cases of that happening in real life are vanishingly rare.

The ONS has a time series of homicide rates going back to the 70s, and the trend is downwards.

There are a lot of very motivated individuals who would love to find some kind of smoking gun proof that seeing something dodgy on a screen turns people into homicidal maniacs. They've been looking for it since VHS came out, they haven't found it yet, and that ONS time series is still trending downwards.

I don't let my teenage kids watch crap on the internet, and they didn't get phones until they started making their own way to school. But it's the effect on their education I'm concerned about. It's not going to turn them into violent criminals.

We only need to look at Brexit and the shit show that is America to understand the deep harm that social media can have.

Regarding the shitshow in America... remember the social media frenzy about Peanut the Squirrel?

Also this is like the millionth post on this programme. That’s why you were asked if you were promoting it. You could have replied on any of the other (many) other threads about it

I don’t understand why you’re terrified. It was a good drama in that it’s got people thinking about what kids can access online but I don’t think it should be terrifying you!

I have a year 8 son. He has an iPhone with restrictions. He is not allowed to be online until 1.30 in the morning or wander the streets until late at night. He has no idea what all the emojis mean and vaguely knows who Andrew Tate is but knows he is a knob.

the boy in the drama was not parented particularly well (although I still think it was a leap that he would commit premeditated murder at 13). If you parent your children well with age appropriate restrictions and rules in place and spend time with your child then your child isn’t likely to become radicalised.

I don't think parents need to be terrified or panic. But we do need to change as society and pull back from handing young children and teens devices that their developing brains aren't ready for. I'm not just talking about TikTok, YouTube etc. It's WhatsApp and other messaging apps. It's giving them ability to carry on disagreements and bullying outside of school. Phones take away the ability for children to cool down and process.

I think the whole point in all of this is that phones act as fuel to existing problems. They create connections that shouldn't exist. They can the gateway down a very slippery path and it can all happen in silence with no ones knowledge until it's too late. The series shows the extreme end of this but that doesn't mean we shouldn't worry about it because our kids couldn't possibly go that far.

Follow Smart Phone Free Childhood. A good place to start. Delay smartphones and social media. You can say no to phones and your child will be fine despite everyone trying to tell you kids can't possibly live without one once they start secondary school.

Maybe, just maybe they're freaking out because the tv series mirrored what is happening in real life. Look at Kyle Clifford. Look at young girls being coerced to harm themselves, siblings and pets by older teenaged boys.

The Post Office scandal was in the press long before the TV series. But the TV series bought it to a new level of prominence. As someone who followed that case, I was surprised both by how it seemed to be under the radar given how serious it was and then how public knowledge of the scandal exploded. It gave me new insight into just how important writers, actors etc are to society.

Maybe don't scoff at parents very valid concerns.

We only need to look at Brexit and the shit show that is America to understand the deep harm that social media can have.

I don’t usually reply on threads but having just finished watching adolescence I feel the need to. As a mother of 2 boys (oldest is 8) and a primary school teacher, I feel I have some insight too!

1. for those saying that it should have been about a black teenager I completely disagree - the show didn’t have anything to do with gang culture, it was about incel culture, which (from the many safeguarding training courses I have been on) seems to mainly target white, working class boys who are vulnerable to this after being consistently overlooked for many years in the education system.
2. for those with the opinion ‘it doesn’t happen in my child’s school’ I can almost guarantee that it does. Your child might have a strong friendship group with children who have great parents and strong morals, but there will be other groups involved in this in the school, likely under the radar. My own school and my children’s school are both excellent schools but I know of children in year 3/4 in both schools who are already using the vocabulary from Andrew Tate - there are videos on YouTube introducing this (think alpha/beta/sigma/ 8020) and parents who just do not police their children online at all, then come in and share it with the rest of the class.
3. for those saying this show is irrelevant and to just be a good parent and you’ll be ok - it’s great that your child won’t end up in jail but they could end up a victim. We all need to take incel culture seriously as it really is rife throughout the country and anyone who thinks otherwise is kidding themselves. So many women are killed every week by men known to them/domestic violence and these men weren’t even exposed to it - however the current generation of youngsters are growing up with abusers as their fathers/ uncles as well as the online influence.

Sorry if this comes across as a massive rant but everyone should be worried about the issues raised in this show (regardless if you think some aspects of the show are unrealistic). Whilst I am not panicking about my own children being drawn into this world, I am worried about the state of society in general as we all have to live in it.

Love this.

Because a netflix show gets into the living rooms of naice middle class areas whereas real stabbings etc are seen to be confined to " dodgy council estates" and " rough areas"

@StarDolphins Thanks! I’ve had letters from boys when they leave school saying “thanks for helping me be less of an idiot and making me a nicer person”. It’s better than any A* grade ever. I’d argue they were nice to start with, it just needed nurturing and the negative traits (which we all have) needed pruning. You have to believe in the best inside them otherwise you’ll never get anywhere.

OP don't worry.
I don't think it comes out of the blue. Just don't give them a phone and hope for the best.

I have 2 DD and 1DS. DS is 13. He only got a phone at 13 and very restricted use. To go to school or when he is away to be contactable. Restricted use for 1h a day and its enough.

None of my kids (teens) are allowed to bring the phone to their rooms at night. We talk about the dangers of the Internet, cyberbulling, pedophilia, conspiracy theories and general discontent of the population comparing themselves to "fictional others" on Instagram. We don't have accounts in Facebook or Instagram to send a clear message to the kids.

We also do lots of things outdoors, we are sporty, and they are too. They have hobbies and get on well with us. We watch films together. They are fun kids, they are happy

And they don't complain about not having the damm phone with them all the time like most of their friends. In fact they did say its boring when everyone is scrolling non stop.

Set the bar high and dont be afraid to be "different" to other parents. They will thank you in the future for that. xx

Yeah, there was a high profile one in Liverpool, where Stephen Graham is from.

Plus he wrote the character of the Dad for himself, so the 13 year old son was realistically going to be white.

I totally agree with your approach! My friend did this type of thing with her son and he’s just the most adorable and respectful young man now ever!

My son is 19. He's watched Adolescence and said it was very powerful. He's a good person, very kind, thoughtful, well mannered and affectionate and has never brought us a moments trouble. It's down to upbringing mainly, so I'm sure your boys will grow up into lovely young men too.

The poison and dangers of social media aren't just affecting boys either, it's girls as well. And not just from a safety point of view, but the affect it has on the developing brain and mental health.

It's got a bit lost in the whole moral panic from this show - that 13 year old boys, with no history of violence, from a traditional family, are going to be knife murderers if someone calls them an incel. A bit of an oxymoron if you're below the age of consent.

Kids accessing social media and youth knife crime may have links, but the two things are separate issues as well.

I don’t teach girls. Actually, poking fun at boys who a bit full of themselves and then building up the positive sides of them is EXACTLY what teenage boys respond best to. Have you ever taught a class of 30 working class boys aged 15? It’s been my entire career. You carry on clutching your pearls and wagging your finger if you think it helps. I bet you any money you like the boys will glaze over.

Exactly. Groups at risk:
Women and young girls
Boys without a male role model
Children vulnerable to exploitation by drug dealers
And instead we’re all talking about a fictional young white boy from a stable family 🤔

Wasn’t the author clear that the story was based on several cases? Not the case with a black boy as the red pill crowd has jumped on.

YABU, I am pleased to confirm. I have 2 sons, have asked them several times over the years about Andrew Tate, the replies have always been 'he's an idiot' (or words to that effect, sometimes stronger words). I asked them both again about it at the weekend after reading so much online discussion about the Netflix series. Both explained to me why the man's an idiot and all their friends say the same thing and anyone who listens to a word he says is an idiot, too.

Makes me sad that this could potentially spoil anyone's enjoyment of raising boys. Most people are good parents and know to keep their children (boys and girls) busy with sport and activities that involve both girls and boys. Just talk to them, teach them respect and common decency (I am sure you are, OP).

Yes, female teachers repeatedly singling out the boys in their class for "gentle mockery" definitely has nothing to do with the problems that white working class boys are facing.

Let me guess, you arent "gently mocking" the girls in your class lol