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To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

211 replies

Justallabitblahreally · 25/03/2025 20:06

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

OP posts:
FatLarrysBanned · 25/03/2025 20:13

Why doesn't he just ask for a pay rise and say he needs it to pay for DD's education, otherwise he may have to reluctantly consider returning to the UK.

I think it's emotionally manipulative to ask his employer to pay the school fees and you are putting him in an incredibly awkward position if he doesn't want to.

Do you work?

RatedDoingMagic · 25/03/2025 20:13

Only ask if you and DH are 100% committed to the plan that if they say no you will return to the uk. If they say no and he stays it will be seriously damaging to his credibility

Justallabitblahreally · 25/03/2025 20:11

NorthernGirlie · 25/03/2025 20:08

You can only ask - how does DH feel about asking?

Haven’t put it to him, just been thinking about it first, i’m thinking he may say it’s ridiculous, but he’s not the type who pushes for anything.

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Xiaoxiong · 25/03/2025 20:11

YANBU to ask. It's no different than going to the boss and asking for a raise, effectively. Many expat packages for specialised skilled workers in lots of parts of the world will include school fees, accommodation paid for, a flight home every year, moving costs paid for etc.

It's worth preparing the arguments just as he would if it was a salary negotiation - pull together his worth to the team, achievements and contributions he's made, etc. Basically highlighting his value to justify the "raise" ie. school fees.

Lavender14 · 25/03/2025 20:10

I was also going to ask how your dh feels about asking. If it genuinely would mean he needs to leave and you all relocate then I guess he has nothing to loose especially if his boss has been very understanding. Did you take him up on his offer of paying for treatment for her before? Or will this be the first time you've asked or received any money from him?

lavenderlou · 25/03/2025 20:10

Is this wealthy shareholder actually his boss? I think this sounds like clutching at straws to be honest. By all means raise it with his employer but it would require a new contract which you would need to ensure was valid for the length of her schooling. I certainly wouldn't be relying on someone to put their hand in their pocket out of goodwill.

WearyAuldWumman · 25/03/2025 20:10

You can but ask.

My late husband's daughter worked for an oil company. She was posted abroad, and the company paid all the moving costs, helped find accommodation and paid for a place at an "International" [translation - English speaking] Nursery and then International Primary School.

0ohLarLar · 25/03/2025 20:09

All you can do is ask. It won't come down to whether its "nice" or "kind" or a "fair" thing to do. It will be whether the overall remuneration package your partner gets is competitive or actually they need him enough that they are willing to add to it to keep him.

NorthernGirlie · 25/03/2025 20:08

You can only ask - how does DH feel about asking?

Justallabitblahreally · 25/03/2025 20:07

*Dd’s

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Justallabitblahreally · 25/03/2025 20:06

Sorry it’s so long 😬

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