To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

If something goes pear shaped at dh work your daughter will be chucked out of school

This is so interesting to me, on Mumsnet it always seems to be about Dubai. I know people absolutely all over the world but none in Dubai. Is there any particular reason it seems to be so popular with UK citizens?

I agree with this. We are giving our own experiences to help you understand what your husband might have to consider in how he approaches this and to help you see how the company MIGHT be seeing this.

In almost all circumstances, though, I would think a judiciously asked question would not in itself be a problem.

You say that your DD is bright, and fluent in the local language. Also, that she's been ill for a "while".
If she's bright, she should catch up surely? Unless a "while" means a very long time?

I'm sorry, but your OP is quite vague. Therefore it's difficult to advise.

I am going to take a guess that you live in Dubai or similar. I have family in Dubai and both parents work, school fees for international school are not normal as part of the compensation package unfortunately.

Both parents work in very good careers to afford international school and Nanny’s who do the before school and aftercare.

You could ask, but it would likely come at the cost of other perks like private medical insurance, free flights home etc.

Places like Dubai aren’t really set up for children with additional needs, unless you are a citizen.

A lot of the responses you've had on here are conjecture. There's only one way to find out for sure. So long as it's worded well it's worth an ask.

How much more would an international school cost per year? I feel like asking for it to be covered specifically but he could negotiate a salary increase to cover it?

I would add that some international schools are basically private enterprise and run as a business rather than an educational establishment. In my experience.

Where I worked, local hires who came from another country had to make a lot of adjustments to get their finances make sense for them in new country.

A lot of times when employees were asking for school fees, or rent paid, the local manager would suggest moving to more affordable area or cutting back on travel.

Be prepared for any response from wealthy boss - he might think: Sure, you could afford school fees if you lived more modestly. Or, might say yes - happily pay.

Before you ask, are there ways you could change your spending to afford the school?

Given your circumstances, no, I don't think so.
Tbh, I think it would be inappropriate for your DH to ask and probably embarrassing for all involved. It's a big ask.

Don't forget that it's not just the fees you have to think about at a private school. There's likely also a hefty fee for uniforms, school books, and extracurricular activities. Even if the annual school fees were paid for, would your current income easily cover these added school related costs?

Could you look into hiring a tutor, familiar with the local school, and who is fluent in English and the local language to help your DD catch up? Plus you could look into ways of helping her adjust again to the local school? What difficulties is she having there, apart from falling behind in schoolwork?

@Justallabitblahreally

How old is your daughter and what kind of problems does she have with her health?

I'm wondering whether there are other suitable options for you.

I think it’s a weird way of approaching it tbh. Surely he just goes to his boss and ask if there’s any way he can negotiate a raise?

Has he ever asked for a raise? Is he a vital part of the management team?
It can't do any harm to ask for a raise and if they believe he is an integral part of the management team, then surely they will consider it?

Out of interest, why do you think your DD will get on better in an Int school where they will primarily speak Eng instead of the local school when she is already fluent in the local language? If you're not happy in the school, could you look at moving house so she gets into a better state school? Or as a PP suggested, try to hire a tutor to help her for a few hours every week? Having one to one tutoring can only benefit her as they can concentrate on the areas she is having the most difficulty with?

Well, in my personal experience at least two did. (I wasn't in the family with the bursary, but I was friends with the people in both cases.)

I am not exactly sure why international schools so often are a bit of a clusterfuck, but here are some guesses from personal observations:

• Many people who go into international teaching are getting away from something in their home country, especially the ones that stay out their entire careers. It leads to some fucked up people.
• When expat life goes awry, it can do so very quickly. For both the teachers and the families. This is magnified in these schools.
• Entitled rich families almost by definition.
• All the challenges that TCK's have, in one school.
• Unhappy marriages.
• Schools for profit.

Just of the top of my head. Some are brilliant. Some are... not.

Why not just ask for higher salary to cover the cost ?

This is incorrect. It’s absolutely standard practice for companies to pay school fees for expats but not for local hires in the UK and pretty much every other country. There is no law at all stating that you have to offer the same benefits package to all employees and I can’t imagine why you would think there was.

Yes, it sounds like your husband is not an expat. He is, from the employer's perspective, local. (Nationality or origin doesn't come into it.) He was hired for a job they believe they can fill in the local market.

They very likely cannot/would be hesitant then to give him advantages over other local staff on the basis of nationality or, heaven forfend, ethnicity.

Of course, you might be able to argue an exception on the basis that his function has evolved to be an expat function (as in NOT available on the local market... but he was and there will be others) and get the expat school *package. Alternatively, see if he can get a wage increase under the local logic.

Have you considered simply networking with the school and see if they can give you a reduced fee or as hoc bursary or something? That seems just as likely to work as the employer route.

This.

In addition an expat's children would not be expected to learn a new language and attend local schools as they will be moving back to their own country or will relocate to a new country every few years. The good package is because it is a temporary move.

How does your husband's salary compare to the same role in other companies?

You are a “local hire” even tho you are from elsewhere.

An expat, generally, is brought in country on a special contract to keep their pay and life “whole” and not suffer for taking this 1-3 year assignment. An expat often has kept a house in country of origin and is expected to return. An expat has certain things paid for as it would cost the person too much money to get another home, pay for school when it was free in home country …etc. if would be crazy to ask person to sell home, then rent in new country, pay for school, buy a new car for a 2 year assignment - no one would do it.