To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

Talk w DH, evaluate you financial situation and prioritize. If your child is top priority and u want to stay. Find cheapest place to live, cut back on extras. try for a merit based pay rise (not I need money to buy things) and pay for the school or move back to home country.

It's not clear from your OP if this wealthy shareholder is your DH's direct boss. Is he responsible for contract negotiations/salary? Or are you hoping he will "sponsor" your DD's schooling in the way he offered to pay for healthcare?

I don't think it's a good idea. It puts him in a very awkward position. And he could feel he can't show such favouritism to one person. Other workers may have family difficulties too.

I think this generally would come under 'parental responsibility'. As a local hire or because of the ex-pat choice.

If DH's contract is due for renegotiation soon, he could try to get this included in the package, but it seems much less likely as a local hire. He may be better trying to get his salary increased to cover fees.

This would be an unusual thing to include unless your DH is working at a school you'd like your child to attend.

I don't think you can ask this of your DH. It's not fair. He can start looking for other jobs and give his employer the heads up that he needs to find somewhere with a suitable affordable school and see if his employer wants to up his offer ( if they want him that much).

Do you work, OP?

💯 this

I agree with your view on boarding school and not being something to have as an option.

You need to have a plan if the answer is no in my opinion. Probably a plan to return to the UK.

I would leave it up to your DH as he knows his employers better than you do, presumably.

So whilst many expat packages include private schooling, be aware these are very expensive ! So you are basically asking for a massive pay rise for DH.
Only DH can judge whether he's worth it and whether his boss will agree. I know someone whose package didn't include school fees and was unable to renegotiate once he had kids so that was that. Your DH may be successful.

However personally I'd not do the DD illness angle. I think it's simply that you are reaching the end of the road in the state system and want DD to have schooling in English and would he consider including this as part of the package. But maybe this guy is more prone to heart strings being pulled. It really depends

My DC went to International Schools for all their schooling, they have done very well and went to british universities. Always been great schools.
it would have been good to ask at the start of their posting to have schooling included.
Ask, he can only say no but might reject it as it will set a precedent if he agrees to it.

I've a feeling it's Portugal and this is the OP whose daughter has PANS/Pandas and has missed a lot of school. Previously OP was talking about moving back to the UK and trying to just start again in reception although her daughter is a year or two older. I could be mistaken of course

Whether or not this is the case, I think OP may be looking through rose coloured glasses thinking the UK public schooling system will solve the problem. I think OP needs to really investigate whether the UK system will be supportive of her child’s SEN. If you listen to a lot of people with SEN kids, the struggles many face to achieve a special needs educational learning plan, then even with one the ‘want’ of schools to work with you, it will likely be a very different scenario to that on paper of how UK schools ‘should’ work well in this regard. So in practice may not be the panacea envisaged. I imagine with PANS you’d struggle with recognition of educational adjustments even in the UK system.

Op I’d negotiate this a different way, but you’ll need to be prepared to execute on it.

I would say “we need to move back to the UK so DD can go to an English school, she is so far behind, local school is not going to help and we don’t see another way through this as we can’t afford the international/private schools”

then you shut up. You wait to see what he says. He might offer to fix the situation without you actually asking.

Risk is he will say ok, and you move back, but it seems that you might have to do that anyway for your DD.

I think it might be Cyprus.

Is there a possibility of paying 50% of school fees & asking for a raise to cover the remaining 50%?

have you considered a private school but not an international one?

where i’m from in Spain, a very good private school is only €400/month and nowadays most of them teach some subject in English.

In which case the only reason to try and move her to a private school would be the workload, but then again the international school will still be located in Portugal and the workload will be similar. Portugal just has a lot of tests and homework for children, it always has (even though parents have tried to control this for a number of years now).

I can’t imagine anything more miserable than taking a 7 year old out of school in Portugal and chucking them back in the UK, though.

@Justallabitblahreally initially I had missed your DD is 7. That is really young and she’s still adapting, don’t panic. Children are very resilient.

But yes, the workload is Portugal won’t go down. You can always try and liaise with the teacher so that they can make accommodations for her and help her catch up.

He’s not an expat because he’s on a local contract. You can be an expat and have the same nationality as the country you are in, it all depends on your contract.

I think the other crucial element to this is are both you and your husband British, or is this the home country of your DH (or he is a native speaker of the language there?) because I don't think your DH would be considered an expat if this is his country of origin

I've a feeling it's Portugal and this is the OP whose daughter has PANS/Pandas and has missed a lot of school. Previously OP was talking about moving back to the UK and trying to just start again in reception although her daughter is a year or two older. I could be mistaken of course

He’s not an expat, he’s a local hire just like his colleagues.

Winter 8090 seems to have rational advice there.

If asking politely doesn't work, I suggest you keep DD in her cheaper native school, if you can't afford the International one.
Seek and pay for some teachers from the IS to tutor your child in a couple of subject areas and maybe pay for your child to take up a hobby that can transfer to a later school and be joyous for her throughout her whole life.

When you move back to the UK expect that your DD will start a year behind her same age peers so that she can catch up without stress.

Otherwise, have you approached the International school to see if your DD would qualify for a bursary or lower fees due to her bringing special qualities to the school? Is she great at English, sporty, gifted in science, musci etc.?

Not unreasonable at all. He should ask for his package to he reviewed noting that compatible positions include school fees and ask if his package could be reviewed to include that.
I wouldn’t justify this with your DDs position but instead with the contribution he brings to the company and the market rate for the role he does.

As others have said, most expats get schooling included as part of the package so you certainly should ask.

Yes. Does your DH have opportunity to chat face to face one to one with the boss? If so he could bring it up then and just say about how your dds illness means you think she would be better off in an English speaking school with a different style, and is there any way at all this could be covered by the company.

If he doesn't have that opportunity then a similarly worded email would do.

What does your DH think? He knows the boss and the work culture so I imagine he would be better placed to word it. If you don't ask you won't get.

And the Happy Valley reference is totally irrelevant, unless you suspect your DH will do something nefarious if he gets a no!

I live abroad in a very similar situation/ professional set up.
It is incredibly common in these situations that schooling/education, spousal visas, additional contract bonuses to cover flights for visits home etc. are included as part of the standard salary package for international staff who are working in a role that couldn't be recruited for locally.

Research similar companies in the industry and find out what their salary packages are before proposing it, just to give yourselves some facts to fall back on if it opens a discussion rather than a black or white answer.