To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

surely you would of thought about your daughter and her schooling before you moved.no you shouldn’t be asking for anyone to pay for your daughter.

Expat packages have changed over the years. Gone are the days when you got schooling / housing / home leave trips etc ... unless you work for a major conglomerate or are in a hardship location. Most companies now push to put expats on local packages, especially if you are in a 'developed' country.
Rather than ask for him to cover schooling costs, I would suggest requesting a pay rise and explain the reason why if questioned. At least that way any bonuses and future salary increases are tied to pay, as they won't apply to an allowance like schooling.

I think it's both fair to expect that a smaller, more intimate school would be a better setting for OP's daughter, and also that an "international" school might not be.

I have some personal experience with international schools. My experience wasn't "toxic" but it's a very distinct way of life and the kinds of people who grow up in them have a particular outlook on the world which is different from mainstream society. They get very used to people coming and going, and not having a strong sense of their own culture. Some people experience it positively and others negatively. OP's daughter already has had a lot of disruption in her life.

You need to be very careful if you do it this way, unless you really mean that you will return to the U.K. as much as they want your DH, no one is indispensable and they may start the process of finding someone else to replace him. How does DH feel about it? Are you in a country where tax laws and employment law is more lax than the U.K., if so some points a previous poster made won’t apply to you.

I’d ask, it’s quite a common thing for companies to do. You’ve nothing to lose by asking!

It's worth a try. Some companies offer help towards private school fees.

I think its a really cheeky ask. However your husband could approach his manager and explain the situation and ask for a payrise which would help with school fees. They may then offer to pay.

Schooling is sometimes part of the ex-pat package but not always, it really depends on how your husband was recruited, and what level he is.
Expecting it retrospectively is a lot, however- you can ask , but don't be surprised if you are turned down.
Also what are you basing your belief your daughter needs the level of support an International school would provide? If she is bright it is most likely that she will catch up without any problems in the school she is in.

It can't hurt to ask, though of course your DH must be the one to do the asking. And not with any hint of delivering an ultimatum or the employer may well decide to cut his losses and hire someone else.

I attended some international schools that were excellent with absolutely brilliant teachers. I don't recognise the negative description that someone wrote above, that was absolutely not my experience. Of course, some international schools may be dire, so in your shoes I would thoroughly investigate the particular school you're considering.

Your DD may thrive in such a setting. She may thrive in a school in the UK. But there is no guarantee. Education is in something of a crisis in the UK, and many schools are (sadly) appalling. But even more importantly, I fear that you are expecting something that no school can actually deliver. It's entirely understandable that you are concerned for your child since she has been very ill and missed a great deal of school. Have you possibly latched onto the idea of a new school as the answer to everything? That if she can only attend the international school or a school in the UK, all will be well? I could be completely off base here, but I just thought I'd mention this possibility.

He wasn't hired on an expat contract.

They were already living and working there, they own a house in that country, their DD has grown up there and is fluent in the language of the country. 5 years ago, the OP's husband got a job at his current place.

I agree with you, in these circumstances, the employer doesn't have any responsibility towards their DD's tuition.

I’m a bit confused as to your husbands employment situation… if he relocated for the job, as in moved to the country you’re now living in, then yes, I suppose it could be argued that it might be fair to ask his employer to cover school fees to give your daughter a comparable education to what she’d be receiving if you hadn’t moved countries.
If, however, you were already living there and your husband took the job, then no, I don’t be his employer should have a responsibility towards your daughter’s school fees.

Think about what happens if your DH wants to leave his job and can’t because DD is now settled in a private school. He should be asking for a pay rise to the tune of whatever it costs for the education, that way you have options.

I’d also think carefully about this. If the boss did agree, what would happen if he changed his mind down the line, moved on himself or your dh decided this job wasn’t for him. He’d be beholden to the company for however many years your dd has left in education.

If he agreed, the safest way would be an upfront full payment to the school or, at a push, a formal pay rise to cover the costs. It’s a lot to ask but if he is truly valued by this company then it’s worth a punt. If he says no then you’ll need to look at whether returning to the Uk can meet her and your needs (although it sounds nice where you are and it’s a shitshow at home).

This is an important point. If it’s good enough for his kid, why wouldn’t it be for others?

@Justallabitblahreally additionally, is the boss local? He might be more sympathetic if he’s also foreign, but a local + his children in a local school, it might just come across as ludicrous.

This thread probably shows the misuse of the word expat too. You’re immigrants.

My dad's employer paid for my school fees. And it was a ridiculously expensive $21k/year. However, it was part of his benefits package. If your husband has applied "as a local" then it is tricky. It is a massive pay rise. Your husband could ask for a meeting with the boss and inquire if the company has a policy regarding school fees and go from there.

I think it would be interesting to know how the local school compares with the local school she'd attend if you moved back to the UK - as presumably as your husband is making more money where he is, you'd still be looking at a state school here so wouldn't it be a similar situation? If she's comfortable with either language then you'd have her in a school with large class sizes and many of the same challenges after you move.

I cannot imagine a workplace caring at all about someone's child's schooling as a case for a raise. Seems like that would break all sorts of HR rules to even discuss. If you don't think he is being paid appropriately, that's a question about his salary and depending on how his workplace is structured, asking for a review. Where I work there's no mechanism for that so if you can't afford the life you want on what you are paid, and have skills with demand elsewhere, you can get a better paying job somewhere else. But I work in a large company with very structured and transparent pay rates.

I think you need to put everything on the table that is an option, but it would honestly never occur to me to ask my workplace for this sort of consideration unless I was in an incredibly privileged position - headhunted, expat on a major contract, etc - and as your daughter is so young that's a huge outlay for years to come.

I think you have to choose between staying at your school and figuring out how to support her or moving back - but be careful you don't just create the same issues here.

... but he risks a lot...

(and his rich boss' kids attend local state school).

I agree with others that you can ask but you need to frame it differently
Ask if its possible to change your DH's renumeration package to include school fees. It may be tax deductable for the company but make sure you also understand the tax position for your DH if this happens.

They also tend to have very high turnover of students as families arrive and depart and sporadic attendance among students as taking holiday/visits home during term time is the norm.

i lived in “European sun” for few years. There was a great state school & an English speaking international school.

There was constant complaints about cost of the private, it was unfair, charging too much, even tho fraction of UK private cost.

Many UK families moved there after an amazing holiday. Love the lifestyle. Rent an instagrammable home with garden & maybe pool or a good view. Buy a car. Put the kids in the private school. Where jobs at first seemed good - food is so inexpensive! After couple of years things get expensive, the school is almost affordable (could never in uk) and the job is stagnant or ends. Their wealthy friends living there with ease driving luxury cars, the mums going £££ lunches, driving latest luxury car. Paying school is a struggle and eventually they aren’t paying and complaining how bad the school is, it’s the worst money grubbing & bad teaching.
So they go local because it’s amazing the kids learn the language & they are locals!!! Then mum & dad are at parent conference, don’t understand well enough the curriculum and why child isn’t top of class. Mum & dad, maybe their language not that good so not getting everything they can from teacher and learning support - how do we get that??? Where do we get an education psych? Evaluation? How do I help with homework? How do I support learning in this language??
Now local school is terrible, the worst.

Some kids, do thrive in local but for those who don’t … it can be very tricky.

Maybe try to find a person who can help you and your child get back into local & catch up. DC still young. Can get a bilingual teacher or tutor to help once a week til you catch up?? & help liaise with local school ti help get needed support??

People are grasping at the word expat as OP has not been clear enough.

OP and her husband moved to the country because they wanted to live there. . They worked. They bought a house to live their lives in the sun. They had a daughter.

Five years ago the OP’s husband applied/was offered a new job with a local company. He has been doing well there. His salary is on par with the local salary, if not a little higher because of his experience/skillset.

The OP would now like him to ask for an additional 10K per annum (and a fixed contract for 11 years to cover primary/secondary) which realistically, depending on the country he is in, could be up to a 25% salary increase.

Of course he could ask but…..

You are not in the same situation at all. Read the thread.

The OP’s husband is a local hire. They were living in the country, had bought their own house, for years before the husband got this job. He is not on an expat package at all.

Tbh a lot of expats or people working abroad are not on fancy contracts or have a high high salary. We always hear about the % with the great oppotunities of course.

I see no reason why your husband's job should cover a private school for one child of an employee.
But of course you can ask.

OP I really feel for you and your DD’s situation, but I think you might be clutching at straws. Some things to consider:

Absolutely do not suggest that DH will leave unless you are 100% committed to following through. He would lose all credibility for every future negotiation.

What are your realistic options of UK schools based on where you would live / places available for out of cycle admissions? I would look at this in detail so that you can compare DD’s current school fairly. Small classes in UK state schools are not the norm…

One of my main reservations about international schools is the constant churn of kids who are moving countries every 2 years. This could be pretty hard for your DD as friendships can be transient and she will always be the one being left behind.

I agree with a PP that a good option might be for your DH to look for jobs in a different country as an expat, which will include relocation expenses and school fees will be the norm. Best of luck to you.