MIL taking over Mother’s Day

@MissScarletInTheBallroom , of my gosh! Did I suggest that? That very definitely was not my intention. We are all mothers, we are all part of the ‘mother’. We are all valuable and worthy of respect and admiration. We are equal. 🙏🏻

But you have a husband - ie the other parent of your children - to give you a break?

Why does MIL have the right to be treated on mother's day but not the OP?

@Pinkhat123 , you’ve already made up your mind and the Mumsnet hate for MIL’s has your back so doubtless my words will fall on deaf ears.
One day you will understand that your job as a mother never ends. Your worry never abates. Your fears never retreat (completely). To accept the mantel of ‘mother’ is the greatest honour, it is without any question the greatest privilege but.. It is also the greatest sacrifice of your life. All through history ‘mother’ has been celebrated and revered. We are the earth and all her creations, we are life, we are one. We aren’t supposed to be squabbling with each other!
Your MIL is STILL a mother that will never end. One day you will understand, that will never end. You are denying your MIL her right and you are denying your partner his desire to honour his mother. In my opinion you don’t understand what it is to be women.
You’ve probably not made it down this far. I didn’t say what you wanted to hear but I will leave you with this. Above all else our children learn from us and they learn especially how to treat others. You are in the active process of teaching your children how to treat you when you are old. Remember that.

He definitely should have asked you before making plans. I'd definitely insist on meeting at the restaurant at lunch time, rather than them coming to your house in the morning. Or, you be busy with your children and your own mum, while he entertains his?no way you should have to make her cups of tea. I like seeing my Mum on mother's day, but she always says it's for the mums who are busy looking after young children, and she wants her daughters to be celebrated with their children. (My MIL on the other hand... Wants to be taken out for tea at a venue really not suitable for our toddlers....)

Added to which, the DIL most likely has a mother of her own.

Even if you take the view that the moral obligation to see your mother on mother's day continues indefinitely even when you have children of your own and their mother deserves to be treated on mother's day, and that the mother of your children has to wait until there is no longer an older generation of mothers in the family, unless you plan to host your mother and MIL simultaneously every year, how is it going to work?

The OP doesn't mention her own mother at all, but since last year was all about her MIL, it is clearly not her MIL's turn.

Does her DH not have any siblings?

YANBU to be annoyed that he arranged this without discussion.

However, YABU to come out with this:
its Mother’s Day not grandmothers day!
She is his mother. It's her day too You don't stop being a mother when your kids have kids, FFS.

But yep, absolutely wrong for him to book something and tell her without discussing the day with you.

Tell DH you will not be getting out of bed before 9am and until you have had tea brought to you, come hell or high water. And yo tell MIL not to arrive til 11am.

Or tell him to cancel her on grounds of Dc surgery / convalescence.

Why, as a mother of 3 young children, should I be expected to share Mothers Day with my MIL? What current daily sacrifices is my MIL making to care for my DH? Are you also expecting that your DIL has to share the day with you? Would she want to?

Buying a gift & popping in for a while is one thing, but why do I need to be taking her out for lunch on Mother’s Day? She has had plenty of her own.

What is there to think through?

Just tell your husband that you don't want to spend mother's day entertaining his parents and that you deserve to be made a fuss of, as the mother of his children. Tell him to send his mum some flowers and make plans to host her some other time. And learn to cook something other than dippy eggs so that next time she comes to stay you don't have to do all the cooking.

Frankly if he's this useless, I'm not sure I'd want to be congratulating her for a job well done on mother's day. Did she seriously never teach him how to stick a chicken in the oven and roast it?

My suggestion. So what kind of mil are you? happy with just a card on the day and seeing your ds on another day to allow him space to focus on dil? Or do you try to muscle in on their plans to make it all about you?

This doesn’t have to be a big drama. Say to DH for MIL to arrive at 11 (does she really leave at 6am to get there for 9??). You have your lay in and breakfast. And then when she arrives, your DH makes the tea etc.

I have just laughed aloud at the suggestion MILs have had their day and should graciously step aside. We are still mothers - I am happy for my sons to make a fuss of their wives, but I do expect them to remember I am still a mum!

MIL hasn't actually done anything wrong yet she's just accepted an invitation form her son. Currently he's the problem!
You need to start with letting him know that you don't appreciate him making plans without discussing them first, especially on a day that is meant to be all about you. Ask him if he can talk to his parents and revert to your original plans.
If they can't be changed (they can) then you make it clear to him that you expect to be sticking to your plans as much as possible, so you'll still have a lie in, he'll still bring you tea in bed, it'll still be your choice of activities, he'll be the one hosting his guests.
Don't write the day off when it's not happened yet, but do get proactive at making it the day you planned.

Your mil sounds just as selfish as the one op has. Why they can't just be grateful for the many years they had it all about them and graciously step back a little to allow their ds to focus on their dil is a mystery. They should be speaking to their ds and reassuring them that they understand, will see them at another time near the day and reminding them that they need to make a fuss of their dil on the day itself for all they do. I feel for you and hope you have a lovely day regardless x

So you wanted to spend mother's day with your DH & DC, but he's going to work. I'm confused. Which day is your MIL visiting - on Saturday or Sunday?

How many lie in have you had since the baby was born? Because, assuming you are up in the night with said baby, the answer should be LOTS! But you make it sound like you never get a lie in, is that right? If so, that's a much bigger problem.

But why does OP have to tun around her? It’s not HER mother.

I don’t understand, why won’t you tell DH it’s your Mother’s Day too and you eon’t be running around his mum?

Is your mum around? Could you take your kids to see your mum?

No. He invited her, he entertains her.

your day proceeds as planned. Be firm. It's not unreasonable that he wants to see his mum on mothers' day, but you are a mum and your children are small so he must now help them give you a nice day.

It's awkward it's mother's day for her too. I'd stay on bed for a while, get your cup of tea, I'm sure your DH can at least do toast?.

This weekend we're having mother's day for me on Saturday so DD can have hers on Sunday.

He can invite them if he wants and he can cook and clean for the visit.

So DH is working on Sunday- does it mean that you’ll be entertaining MIL on your own? What’s the point of her coming on Mother’s Day when her son is working?

Just talk to him, tell him you just want the focus on you as a mother this year. He can go and see his mother the day before,

If he insists then just say that’s fine, you take your mother to lunch, I will stay at home with the kids and we will do something to celebrate me here, oh and you will be entertaining your mother as I won’t be getting up early, it’s my day for a lie in, and I am not letting a finger all day

Interesting take

My DH arranged to take me & kids out for lunch, then of course the text message came through from him suggesting we extend the invite to his parents…
frankly I’m not one bit keen- but felt it’s better to keep the peace.

I do also feel that yes, she had her time. And she’d never, ever offer to look after my children so that I could have an hour or two to myself. One thing if we’re both going out, or if it’s work-related, but she’d never offer simply to give me a break.