MIL taking over Mother’s Day

Ask her to come later so that you can have your lie in

My immediate reaction is it’s your day too. So, as DH has invited her, he should be doing the catering and hosting. You should get your lie-in, tea etc. And he needs to tell MIL this. (Haven’t read all comments, so apologise if already said.)

Christ. Good thing they're ex!

It's mother's day so you stay in bed as planned, relax, you're not doing anything. Your husband will be doing everything, including bringing you breakfast in bed. Even if MIL is there. Remind him!

Misogyny is hatred of women and ageism is discrimination against people because of their age. Pointing out ONE older woman is a selfish cow, if true, is not misogyny or ageism. I really despise how the word misogyny (amongst others) is massively overused and thrown around as an attempt to erect a political correctness shield against any valid criticism of someone just because they happen to be female. Does all the slagging off of poor husbands on here constitute misandry? No it doesn't, and noone is above criticism no matter what their age, sex, race, whatever.

Get up have a cuppa and take your dc out with you for the day. Hubbie can look after HIS mom . You do what you want - a nice walk and lunch .

I've got to drive to my mom's on Mothers Day as she wants her nails doing & my 16 year old is the 1 that does them. This is after losing an hours sleep (yup, great timing for the clocks this year!) & on top of regular headaches & Fibromyalgia! I'm not really thrilled at the prospect, but hey ho, such is life

get up when you’re ready to, have a nice long bath and let your Husband see to her. She is his Mum after all. And if anyone asks where you’ve been, you say enjoying a relaxing Mother’s Day morning, I see your Son has seen to you.

As for Grandparent presents on Mother’s Day, I know many people do this but I’m sorry but it’s my Day, they’ve had…and still have theirs.

That's lovely :)
I usually send a message to my best friends in a similar vein, and my mum will pop a message to each of her daughters and DILs.
It's very odd that some people feel there should be strict rules about who can and can't be celebrated.

XH was too scared/conditioned by his parents. They are a „bulldozer” kind of people. You put all the brakes on and they still keep going through.
The brass neck of these people- they pull all the tricks to get their own way including lying/denying/pretending to not to see/hear and so on. When you tackle them head on they avoid,avoid,avoid then deny more,can’t remember and so on. Slippery bunch of eels.

That’s why it’s so hard for some people to break away from these dynamics because the only way out is actually OUT.

Mindfuckery of the highest order

Was he ever told not to call in at that time?

As retired person with too much time on his hands he didn’t think that a couple working full time would like to have a lie in on Sunday.
Didn’t work both ways,when we wanted the visit we had to call/message before hand.
He also complained about relatives staying too late,oh the irony…

My Mail is 81. I wouldn’t dream of my H not inviting her to join us. My ex MIL has died. But again, they are the mums of my partners why would I want to exclude them.

your problem is not the MiL but the lazy arse that you call a H. Why can’t he cook? My son could cook dippy eggs at age 10. Tell him to look after both of you.

I was really touched to find out that my child-free daughter sends a Mother's Day card to her sister-with-kids, telling her what a great mum she is.

@Picklelily99 can you understand that some families do it differently. As I said in my family we celebrate mothers, so I gave a small present to my gran and my mum sends cards to both me and her DIL.

Let’s face it the way most of us celebrate it has nothing to do with the origins of the day

She is not the grandchildrens mother! It's for the children of mothers! Can't stand these stupid bloody cards 'happy mothers day grandad' , 'happy mothers day from the cat'. Ridiculous! One day, just one day when it's about mothers. Your kids get you a mothers day card, not their flamin' grandma!

Because she's a mother?! You don't stop being one when you become a grandmother.

Why is slit aomehow wrong to even give or send flowers to grandmothers? It in no way diminishes the day for young mothers or makes them less special

Yanbu to feel this way, but I agree that now the invitation is issued it would be impolitic to rescind it.

I suggest that you have a serious talk with dh about how upset this made you feel and then suggest this as a plan for the future.

(i) from now on, the weekends before and after mothers day are defined as the "special treat" day for whichever out of you, your MIL and your own mum didn't get to be the centre of attention on mothers day. Starting with that you get a lie-in and breakfast-in-bed on Sun April 6th this year.
(ii) no one gets to be the centre of attention on mothers day 2 years running.
(iii) this weekend, your DH lets his mum know that this is how it's going to be, and that you'll be wanting to make plans to give her an early mothers day treat a week or two before or after next year.

Even when clearly not invited at 9am?

This.

@Picklelily99 I always used to give a card and small gift to my gran. My DM gives a small gift to me. We celebrate mothers in the family

My XFIL saw nothing wrong with coming at 9am on Sunday morning.

You're right, it's mothers day - so why the hell is she getting flowers from the grandkids?

how is she being expected to put full beam on MIL?

She can - if she uses her words - have her lie-in with tea for as long as she likes.
In fact, if MIL arrives early, the chances are DC and DH will be further occupied so OP can extend the lie-in.

Then they all go to lunch. OP gets attention from her DC, MIL gets some attention from DH, and all the mums are covered.

But. There is a DH problem here, he needs to learn to do much more of the parenting and adulting, and there needs to be agreement with both of them before anyone is invited.

OP is not only expected to share the beam, she’s expected to provide it to her MIL.

I”ll ignore your ageism.