I feel so betrayed and hurt by DH

OP I think you are going through a nightmare.

Unfortunately, I speak from experience having been in a similar-ish situation. The advice I can give you is this:

1. Trust your gut instinct
2. Get the whole truth from him

In order for you to move on, he needs to be truly sorry. Because what he has done is borderline unforgivable. And he is gonna have to work very hard to regain your trust.

Do they have to deal with each other at work because it’s going to be very hard for you wondering what they may or may not be up to. Maybe it wasn’t a physical relationship, but it was certainly an emotional one.

Good luck, luck rebuilding your life.

It’s not just forwarding a video, is it?
Dont minimise the horrible, disrespectful way he’s treated her.

This thread reads like a daft, frustrated man seeking an ego boost from a similarly fragile, vain friend. You could leave, and it’d be awful for him, and he’d probably learn his lesson. But the consequences - financial and emotional, to you and your kids - would be crippling.

I’ve been divorced. Splitting the house sets you back decades financially and you never catch up.

I’d kick him out for a week or two. Then get counselling.

i can’t imagine leaving a marriage with 3 kids because my DH forwarded someone a video.

My wife has two lovely female friends who are brilliant, supportive, and give their honest, fair opinions on life. We have a great marriage, good sex life, all is good. If she ever shared the details of our sex life with them i would be furious. And that's with two girl friends! He's so out of order, i'm raging on your behalf.

I'm very sorry OP. Your DH has crossed a line. How he handles the next days will inform your next steps.

You should never stay together for the sake of children - Imagine how miserable they will be growing up in that atmosphere. Your husband is a spineless coward. Your children will grow up thinking this is normal and go on to copy it with their own relationships.

Yes there are massive consequences to separating, but you will not be the first or last person to have been through this. There are thousands of single parents out there, struggling every day, but they struggle with the peace of mind knowing nobody is about to betray them, or treat them like shit.

It's almost like some of the Mum's on here are telling you to stay because they are scared witless of independence and have relied on men too much.

To be honest, as much as they have discussed things at length, and it could be described as hijacking, I actually think it is relevant for someone in OPs situation to know that even if you do decide to forgive and forget, like Wendy has done, it means sacrificing a part of yourself that you can never get back.

I hope Op is okay, and hopefully having the support and other peoples shared experience on here has made her feel like she isn’t completely alone.

Sending you a hug OP. An emotional affair is a devasating thing to uncover and counselling may help you both. Even if its just to separate amicably. Just take a beat. He is realising now he has played with fire and it does sound like he has been fantasising about leaving the marriage and drudergy of parenting and this stage of the game. Im not saying ltb Im just offering a hug. What a prick. He will definitely live to regret his shitty behaviour whether you decide to stay ot go. Take a beat. Draw a line and just focus on co parenting and discussing what a different life might look like for you both. A good counsellor will not encourage either of you to stay in an unhappy marriage where your needs are not being met. Take some time to figure out what your needs are beyond expecting the absolute basics of not being betrayed in this horrible way. Single parenting will be hard but so will single dadding and being cast out of the family he has betrayed. You will be ok. Reset some boundaries. Take time to discover what you want and need from him and go gently on yourself xx

Well done ladies.
You have managed to hijack OPs post and made it all about you for the last day 🙄
I hope OP has left this thread tbh.

Like I said earlier, I too was a very smug person. Be careful!

I agree with this: absolutely totally unfair on OP.

Yes we should get back to OP, we got diverted. I hope she is ok

I'm sorry I've hijacked your post xx

To this day I'm still none the wiser understanding that. Anyone who knew us said our marriage was what they aspired to.
He said it was an ego boost because his friend had tried to chat the woman up the night before and had failed.

Time will tell I suppose

I'd said that at the start of the poor OP post. Her husband is doing the emotional betrayal which in my mind is worse than a ONS, as the other woman gets under their skin. They exchange too many secrets.
My husband didn't even manage the whole sleeping together bit. I heard him boast about things to his mate that I KNOW he's not capable after a few drinks!

I know this is unforgivable hijacking this post and I'm sorry for that.

God that's awful, why on earth do men do this when they already have a fantastic marriage and are still in love and happy with their wives 😔 crazy.

No - he was telling his friend how great OUR marriage is. He was telling his friend how much he loves me, how we get along so well, how we understand each other, I am his best friend etc.. I hung around listening for more of the same. Which is was gut wrenching to hear the next part of his conversation about the ONS.

see I think the husband has limited choice.....in fact he has only one choice, he can choose to leave but all the other choices can only be made by the OP.

This 100% the best advice I’ve read on here.

’D’H needs to understand he’s done wrong and face the consequences. On your terms, to help you work through what he’s done. Only you (and DH) can decide what you want to do and where to go from here.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP 💐

Bollocks, it was clearly inadvertent.

There should be openness in relationships.

Well maybe he shouldn't have given her reason to snoop.

christ don’t let anyone guilt you about not ending the call. ffs. totally ridiculous

sorry you’re in the situation you’re in. whether staying will work for you long term remains to be seen - it might, and i really hope it does. i find your situation quite different to the OP’s though. a lot of people might forgive a one-night-stand (i might, in some circumstances) but in OP’s case it’s a much longer, deeper betrayal, plus resentment. i think it’s a more complex situation.

It's not bloody helping me to be honest.

I am so glad I overheard him. I'll never know if it was a one-off, the start of something, a regular occurance every time I'm away. But he knows now that I cannot be the trusting wife of 35 years anymore. I do not go through his phone or anything as I couldn't live like that.

My smugness of 35 years married to a 100% trustworthy man has gone though!