I feel so betrayed and hurt by DH

Posted at the same time. Yeah his now hiding and covering tracks. Big flags.

So your husband lied to you about what he's sharing with his woman friend. And she's been quite needy and he's been a bit flirty with her over the tattoo.

This friendship sounds like it's moved into emotional affair territory. I think it's time to tell him you looked at his phone and know he's lied to you and is sharing really inappropriately with his "friend". This is a huge betrayal and I'd be fighting mad over it.

It sounds like their friendship is crossing a new line.

How convenient that she is recently single..

He's crossed a line big time 😡

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him OP.
Apart from.the massive inappropriateness of sharing details of your sex life and relationship with her it sounds from your update as though their friendship is morphing into something much more intimate.

I’m glad it’s not just me!

Interesting responses. OP, what kind of friend is she? Lifelong close friend who is more like a sister, or a work colleague he wants to start an affair with, as PP suggested?

I have a male friend who I tell anything and everything to r.e. sex and relationships. We’re close and I trust and value his opinion, but he is FIRMLY in the friend zone. I would like to think if a boyfriend took issue with this I would be able to justify my behaviour and defuse the situation. Could your DH be thinking the same about his friendship with this woman?

He’s shared all of this with her, even messaged her: “bought xxx a toy so that she can satisfy herself

How could he possibly think that was an appropriate thing to share?

How personal do you get?

Have you confronted him ? I’d pack up his stuff and then confront him, save him time afterwards. There is no coming back from this imo.

My close male friend often talks about his partner and I do with him. It’s just an outlet.

Would you feel the same if he had spoken to a male friend? Do you feel is not just the confiding but that there's more to their friendship?
I'm struggling slightly with my thoughts on this one as on the one hand, if I'm struggling with an issue I do confide in friends (sometimes my male friends if I'm hoping to hear a male perspective) to seek help and support so whilst I get you're embarrassed with regards to the subject matter I don't really think it's wrong he's asked for help from a friend. On the other hand you say you are a very private person and I'm guessing since he has married you he knows you well enough to know this about you and therefore should've maybe looked elsewhere if he couldn't talk to you about it, i.e. on an anonymous forum like this.
Personally I could overlook him talking to a friend (as long as I was sure it was firmly a friend and friend only) and wouldn't see this as a betrayal and I'd look at this as a wake up call as to why you are not having these conversations with each other to resolve any issues. I don't want to sound dismissive though and I do think you have a right to feel upset and embarrassed given its such a personal topic he's discussed with someone you know IRL

Some things should remain private between a couple. Blabbing to friends (male or female) about your sex life is horrible.

How did you find out he was having these conversations?!

I would be absolutely raging if I found out my partner had been talking to anyone about our/my sex life with that level of detail, especially a woman.

I think there are times when most people might talk vaguely about their sex lives with their mates, but usually a) same sex mates and b) more along the lines of ‘Things aren’t right between us, our sex life has disappeared’ with no more detail than that. Not ‘I bought him/her a sex toy to see if they’d get off on that’.

I’ve got lots of male friends and when I was single and in my 20s we certainly talked about sex now and again but it would only have been in pretty general terms and certainly not about current partners - more like ‘I once dated a person who did this weird thing in bed’ or something. If a male friend ever started going on about the details of their sex life with their current long-term partner and how they’d bought them a vibrator, I’d tell them to shut the fuck up and stop being weird.

I am sorry. I'd be absolutely livid. He shouldn't be telling her these things and she certainly shouldn't be encouraging it. I can't even imagine a context in which a male friend would tell me these things about his wife. Frankly, it would give me so much ick the entire content of an adult shop wouldn't persuade me to have sex with him ever again.

It's a huge betrayal and also a huge red flag for trying to initiate an affair. The whole 'my wife doesn't understand me' tripe that so many men spout. Laying the foundation by making out he wants to 'help' the marriage and is 'trying everything' so that she pities him and he's painted as the hero making all the effort and you're the neglectful wife that just doesn't know how lucky she is. Such a cliche. Sorry this has happened to you. Not sure I could forgive it.

Wow, that’s awful. How did you find out? What sort of friend is she?

I would feel so betrayed.

A female friend is very different from a counsellor, therapist, GP, etc

That's disloyal and a big breach of marital trust.

He just blew up any hope of having a decent sex life for a long time of ever with you by running and whining to another woman. I bet it doesn't make you more inclined to have sex with him.

How would he feel if you told your friends what a shit lover he was?

I'd have to take a long break here.

Sounds like the typical bloke who wants to cheat and wants the OW to feel sorry for him first.
Even if it is innocent he’s a horrible person to speak about you and your life like that to someone.

This is brutal. I dont think i would be able to come back from something like this, it would be on my brain any time we even attempted something close to intimacy! So so wrong

My ex DH did this - but it was even worse in that he shared such details with a couple with whom we were both friends. He could not see the issue because "they're our friends".