I feel so betrayed and hurt by DH

I agree. If I’m having any issues in relationships I have often spoken quite intimately to my closest friends, as they have to me, and it seems they have been good friends for a very long time.
Have you not had any conversations yourselves about the issues?

The trust is gone. He’s an arsehole. Get rid of him.

Agree with the majority here @Namechange20002 You need to get your ducks in a row and get ready to leave this marriage. Your DH is a massively disrespectful arsehole. I would be fucking LIVID. And yes I agree that he is hoping to have an affair with this woman.

As for the (few) posters who say they have male friends who share personal and intimate details of their issues and problems with their wife? And it's OK/normal ... Are you fucking kidding me?

If a male friend or colleague tried to start talking to me about his wife's minge and how he's been buying a rabbit to bang her button with it, I'd fucking puke! What the fuk is wrong with you?! Why are you allowing these men to share their personal and intimate marital issues with you?! 'He has no-one else to talk to, no other outlet, I feel so sorry for men!' one poster chirped ... LOL, pull the other one. 😂 He's probably getting a semi while he's talking to you about this shit!

I wouldn't mind if my DH did this as a way of getting advice or support from another female. The response he sent to her tattoo would make me think it's more than friendly advice he is looking for though and I would not be happy with that .

Don't let him gaslight you.
If he's got nothing to hide then he'll happily show you their messages. His reaction to you asking to see them will tell you everything you need to know.

There’s a huge difference between “we’ve had a row - am I the arsehole or is she? Give it to me from the woman’s perspective” and snide remarks about getting your partner a vibrator. I don’t think women should talk to male or female friends about really intimate stuff either, tbh. Go online to search up the problem, talk on an anonymous forum like this one, see a sex therapist - whatever. But do not talk about how your wife is in bed to your friends.

He's shared information with a friend and now you're invading his privacy and blowing up on him, and you wonder why he's hiding his stuff? Hmmm. Do you often teat him like this?

I guess everyone has different boundaries. Two of my closest and oldest friends are men. I also have very close women friends. We’d never talk about our sex lives with our DPs or anything else too private.

Don’t be silly.. he should be talking to his wife about it not some random woman

He’s having an emotional affair at the very least. If he admits it fully, commits to going to counselling together and never sees her again, then maybe there’s a way back but it’s a very big “if”. At the very least he needs to pack his bags tonight and go and stay somewhere else while you decide what to do. Personally, I would be getting all financial details, account log ins, proof of ownership of assets etc right NOW this evening. Take screenshots/download pdf statements of every account you have, because I can bet you he will start hiding money.

I’m so so sorry. Kick him out and get the upper hand. I’m so sorry for your kids too: confide in close family or friends. You need your people around you.

He's grooming her ready to be the OW. His wife doesn't understand him, doesn't like sex. It's nothing if not predictable, and you deserve better.

This, he's initiating sex talk with her to see how she responds imo.

"Poor me, not getting any sex off the missus.. Not sure what anyone can do to help...?"

He's into her. She's into him. You won't get a look in unless you give him a really sharp wake up call.

I have a close male friend and he tells me personal stuff, he has lots of friends but doesn't have a male friend he can talk openly and honestly with and he also values the fact that I will always try and explain things from her point of view and lots of times he has said to me that he has found it really useful so hear her perspective from a neutral person.

I feel a bit sorry for men in this, they find it hard to speak to each other and can't speak to female friends without it being seen as a massive betrayal. So just have to bottle it up is it?

But how do your partners feel about that? Is his partner relaxed about him using you as an outlet to discuss intimate details of their relationship? I would be mortified and furious if I were her.

100% agree.

I’d also feel humiliated/betrayed if my DP shared such info with any of his friends. We both have friends of both genders, as most people do. It’s nothing to do with what gender a friend is: it’s sharing personal information about a relationship with a DP that’s a betrayal of trust.

However, I bet if one of his male friends shared a photo of a tattoo, he wouldn’t send a wink emoji, hide the messages or delete his WhatsApp. Looks like he’s a bit more than friends with her to me. Even if it’s harmless flirting, he can’t claim she’s just a friend. People don’t flirt with friends.

He’s got a lot of apologising and winning back of trust to do. And it’s certainly not going to help your sex life.

Her dh would lie and hide the chat by how it’s going so far.

Time to get rid.. Tell him thanks for the new toy - and he is surplus to requirements now..
And mean it.
He is imo in way over his head with her...

If I'm being totally honest to have any chance of staying together I would have to make this a choose me or her situation. He's completely crossed way too many lines and their relationship is just unacceptable.

I'd tell him he needs to cut contact with her completely or we're finished.

This is wrong on so many levels.

The sharing of private information is bad enough, but the hidden messages and flirty tone of the picture message suggests there is more to this. I’m sorry you’re going through this x

Yes!! The we like each other it’s naughty but we won’t actually do anything type of life long flirting.

Any partner mad would be seen as crazy as been friends for decades and never had a sexual relationship…..

Their ‘friendship’ has probably been based on them fancying each other for years and years. Since she’s been single, it’s crossed so many lines.

I’m really sorry OP. I’d be devastated and betrayed, just as you are, and would think it signalled the end of my marriage. He’s brought someone else into it

I just wanted to reach out to you and say how very sorry I am that you’re dealing with this. Your instincts were spot on and he is now busy trying to cover his tracks. Don’t be taken in by his stupid denials and lies. Actually I’m sure that you won’t be. You’ve got this. 💐

Sadly I agree. 💐

With your update, he's being shady as can be. I would be getting copies of financials, securing important docs and lawyer up.