"It's absolutely none of your business"

I don’t think she’s saying that. I think she’s saying she doesn’t want to be told she shouldn’t express an opinion on the topic at all, which is what “it’s none of your business” actually means in this context. See also “why do you care about this?”

There are many on this thread spectacularly proving your point.
And plenty of people twisting your words to suit their narrative so they can attack you.

People want to feel clever on the internet and seem to forget there is a person behind each post (unless it’s clear it is a bot 😂)

MN is HYPER critical.
I saw a thread the other day from a lovely poster who was struggling with three new kittens that were ruining her house. She had had a cat before, thought she was prepared for it, the shelter deemed her home acceptable for three cats and she was really struggling and looking for advice. She did get some good advice, but there was a chorus of posters replying with just “well why did you get three kittens? Are you mad?”

It really wound me up because it was literally in the OP why she chose to get three kittens…. She didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was. We all go in to things like that and are surprised by them sometimes. And she was asking for help and advice on what to do. Replying with just “you shouldn’t have got three kittens” is not only judgemental but completely unhelpful and pointless

I think hypocritical would be continuing to do drugs whilst telling your children not to. Making mistakes and trying to pass that knowledge on isn't hypocritical.

There seems to be a leap these days to assuming that being critical of something means that you're 'hating' the person doing it - it's a weird lack of resilience.

I let my kids have unlimited ipad use. I'm willing to fight my corner on why that's OK, and discuss the possible issues and benefits, and what about how I do that makes it not a problem in my eyes. I'm willing to agree to disagree and not make it personal. The trouble is that lots of people can't do that.

You aren’t allowed to judge someone being better off on benefits because most people want to believe you are better off working and their friends actually need all the extra cash .

Someone always says it’s nonsense when another poster says they know someone on 5k plus benefits p/m. I’ve seen people get 8000 in benefits plus all the other perks you get .

Sometimes the only difference between a working person or one who just claims with the same health condition is one has the bollocks to claim . They know what to say on the forms or the test . I wouldn’t…It is also a generational thing passed down through families . It’s getting worse .

I started drinking, smoking and having sex at 13. Doesn’t make me a hypocrite that I did all I could to ensure my own kids didn’t follow suit. I also had my first DC at 16, and definitely doesn’t make me a hypocrite that I would have been horrified if my own DD told me she was pregnant at 16. I’m a very different parent to my mother was, but my kids are also very different people to the teen I was.

It’s a ridiculous argument to say just because you took drugs as a teen / young adult that you’d be accepting of your own DC going it.

People won’t own poor parenting. I definitely spent too much time on my phone over the years. No excuses.

I don’t disagree. It’s particularly awful to allow your child to become obese. To me this is a form of neglect. No one is allowed to say so.
Given the health implications for life, unless there is a medical reason no child should be overweight. The same houses are overflowing with crisps and chocolates.

I know not everyone is given life skills to cook well, but a stir fry or salad takes zero skill. Grilling fish ditto.

No phones or tech at the table and cut off times for the whole family is not hard.

I just see the whole of society becoming lazy, insular and slovenly and it is depressing!

Don't forget all the posters who say, "it's non of your business"...

Anyway, I agree and think it's lazy thinking to claim that having an opinion about anything anyone else does is simply "judgemental".

The point is that you can reframe these kinds of questions so that you aren't just being judgemental about other people's legitimate choices

A thread about what kinds of government policies and NHS initiatives might help reduce people's reliance on highly-processed, low fibre high fat foods and make healthier choices more realistic is totally fine, whereas an OP which just describes the eating habits of family X and asks aibu that they arejust greedy and lazy is quite rightly shouted down for being judgemental. If the point of a post is seeking support in categorising someone with some negative attribute when there are no consequences to you whether you get that agreement then you'll get the "none of your business" responses - whereas if you are asking for help to decide whether the people in question are therefore unreasonable to ask X favour of you, or which choices should have a knock-ok impact for state financial support, then it's a legitimate conversation.

You cannot control whether someone decides to lie about their disability or illness, there is literally fuck all you can do about it. You can report it if you want, but that still doesn’t mean they will be found to be fraudulent or that they will get the punishment you think they deserve. I just learned to stop getting angry about things that are beyond my control, that’s all.

There will ALWAYS be a relative few that game the system. It’s on THEM if they want to take that risk. If they’re willing to take that risk there’s an argument that there must be a reason behind that, because people who do that sort of thing are usually quite dysfunctional.

I doubt most PIP claimants go around telling people the ins and outs of the reason they claim, because it’s ‘’absolutely none of anyone else’s business’’. If you got angry about every little thing like this, you’d be forever miserable. Funnily enough, the people that bang on the most about ‘’scroungers’’ and immigrants and spend their time perpetually judging and othering people are usually miserable and need someone to punch down on to manage their self esteem.

I might make snap judgements in the sense that I don’t want to put myself or others in danger and sometimes judgements keep you safe as you said earlier, but I don’t think I’m necessarily better than most people because they make different choices and have different life experiences to me

Maybe I judge less because I’m less self critical these days and I’m not competing with anybody. That’s why I said people need to practise that.

But it’s everyone’s business.

If governments had tackled benefit fraud, there may not be the need for this current round of benefit cuts.

Frankly, I couldn’t give two shits 🤣

I guess because it doesn’t immediately affect you.

So you’re saying you only want to see other people’s opinions when they agree with yours? 👍

Honeslty when I have posted on here in a rant, I am actually just looking for validation for the way I feel about something, even if 99% of replies are saying I did something wrong, I will always feel better when someone says that the way I am feeling is justified. I also have observed people post controversial views about other peoples behaviour because they just want some attention.

Its fine to have an opinion/observation, but you overstep when you think your opinion is either a fact or you are entitled to it at the cost of other peoples feelings.

To give an example, I work with a person who has emigrated from Israel. My personal opinion is that Israel has behaved like a colonial power over the those lands and this is what led to the war. But I am empathetic enough to know that a) he has family and loved ones there b) I know very little about the whole thing and c) my opinion on this subject really doesn't matter at all, I am not inflential to change anything. So even if he asks I won't give my opinion because it will only do him harm.

They didn’t suggest it was nothing to do with you. They gave their opinion.

The first group of suggestions you made are just further questions directed to you. The second is a more diplomatic way of saying what they actually did say about them not bothering you. The fourth is just agreeing with you.

I think you and your friends just rub each other up the wrong way.

We all make snap judgements at times, but when you realise that there are many, many reasons someone might make different choices to you, and when you stop judging yourself and just focus on yourself, what other people choose to do with their own lives doesn’t matter.

Someone might decide to get blackout drunk in the street, but I wouldn’t be thinking ‘’what an idiot’’ because I couldn’t care less what other people do. I’d be more likely to think ‘’oh God, I wonder what goes on in their life to leave them in that predicament’’

I can’t imagine being angry that Susan down the road might be fraudulently claiming PIP because I saw her up a set of ladders painting the front of her house. Frankly, I couldn’t give two shits 🤣 To quote the thread, it’s none of my business because I don’t know the woman or what she puts on her form and honestly it’s a waste of energy to get worked about someone else. I have my own life to worry about.

These replies aren’t just ‘mind your own business’, they are opinions same as the ones you have. A bit of debate between friends is normal of course, but if you feel like your friends are so diametrically opposed to you that you can’t see eye to eye on anything, maybe it’s time to move on from them.

Based on your many irl examples on this thread (the cooking one especially!) you’ve either got some very strange friends with whom you have little in common, or you are wording your comments in such a way that they (inadvertently or otherwise) are coming across as accusatory and condescending.

Exactly!

I don’t make judgements about people just by looking at them for instance.

Unfortunately, it’s been proven that we all do this. Or maybe fortunately. It’s ok to trust your gut instinct. What’s not ok is to be racist, ageist, sexist etc. I don’t judge benefit claimants as scroungers either, I was a FSM child and my beloved mum is on PC and PIP. But I often see people being shut down for even asking questions.

It’s part of the human condition to judge sometimes and I’d be lying if I said i didn’t, I said I do it much less. I don’t make judgements about people just by looking at them for instance.

I don’t judge people who the rest of society deems ‘’low class’’ or chavs to make myself feel better than them because I haven’t lived their lives. I don’t judge benefit claimants as scroungers even if I know them because I realise there might be things they don’t want to tell me or whatever. I don’t judge fat people as lazy and greedy because I don’t know what lead them there, ditto drug addicts and alcoholics. I’m in no position to judge another human being. Just because I would make a different choice it doesn’t make me better.

People really need to focus on themselves a bit more and do things that make them happy rather than making themselves miserable by constant judging of others.

Several people on that thread completely ignored the fact that both parents were on the train. It was all about how awful the mother is for daring to be on her phone at 11pm (probably desperate for baby to drop off to sleep).

It’s ok to be judgemental sometimes. The parent that beat their child in the street absolutely deserved to be challenged. And there are plenty of net contributors, they’re just not allowed an opinion.

I find I judge much less since I got older and stopped judging myself so much. The fact of the matter is, we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives or the complexities of why they do what they do, and not a single one of us is qualified to pass opinion on every aspect of another person’s life because humans are not one dimensional and their thought processes and behaviour are all different. Learn to stop judging and concentrate on your own life. I promise, you’ll be much happier. When we start comparing ourselves, we become bitter and unhappy.

You can make observational judgements about how someone presents themselves, but you can’t truly know why someone behaves the way they do. Hell, the majority of people struggle to explain themselves, never mind others.

Who really cares who uses ozempic, or claims benefits that YOU have judged they don’t deserve? It’s highly unlikely your taxes are paying for them because most people don’t pay enough tax to even cover their own needs, never mind others. It’s not your problem so there’s no point worrying about it. It’s their lookout if they get caught lying. You can’t control others.

I do think the biggest area where discussion is shutdown is benefits. No one seems to be allowed to discuss benefit fraud or how much benefit people get without being told it’s none of their business.

Keep your cornflakes covered.

I've found with longer term friends I'm labelled a hypocrite if behaviour I engaged in when young is not behaviour I want my own DC doing or ideally anyone's ; for example I really hope she doesn't take drugs or put herself in risky positions like I did. In short, I've learned from those experiences and want to protect her.

Are you honest with your kids that you used to take drugs? If old friends are calling you a hypocrite it sounds like you are not honest with them. Which makes you a hypocrite.
You want to point out others flaws while pretending you don't have any to the old friends who know you do..

It's none of my business cause you're a hypocrite and I won't bother with that because it's lying. You're a liar