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Original poster

Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

718 replies

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:10

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

OP posts:
Original poster
DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 17:06

B1indEye · 25/03/2025 17:02

What was the sequence of events do you think, did he spot them on the way into the bathroom and grab a new roll just in case it did he do some quick thinking while mid wipe and scoot to the bedroom hoping you wouldnt see him with his trousers half mast, it's not easy to be stealthy like that imo

Show quote history

I really don't want to imagine but if I had to.. I imagine he insulated the toilet with what was left on the existing toilet roll.. then realised he needed a new roll and proceeded to walk into my bedroom where he would've seen the toilet roll on show on the bottom of the wardrobe and took one. I don't want to think of him mid number two hopping into my bedroom with his trousers around his ankles.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 25/03/2025 17:05

I don't mind tradesmen/repairmen using my facilities.

The one time I did get upset was last year. The downstairs loo wouldn't stop running, so I called in the British Gas plumbing service. (I have a Homecare contract.)

Nice enough chap. I left him to get on with the job. He fixed the problem.

After he'd gone, I realised that he'd used the loo and hadn't flushed. Bizarre, give the reason that he was there...To my mind, it smacked of territory marking. (Fortunately, it was only urine. Even so...)

Rivertrudge · 25/03/2025 17:04

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:15

I leave supplies in bathroom cabinet but I leave the larger haul of toilet paper from Costco in my wardrobe which he may have seen going into the bathroom as its visible at the bottom of my wardrobe, the door was left open as I was sorting some clothes out.

If he had a sudden attack of diarrhoea and there wasn’t enough loo paper out, what would you have liked him to do?

BatchCookBabe · 25/03/2025 17:04

Chattie89 · 25/03/2025 16:57

Yeah I get you OP that sounds grim. Lots of posters will tell you the poor man needed to go, must have a medical condition etc, but there is absolutely no excuse for not cleaning up after himself and leaving everything as it was. It's not difficult. If he went into your bedroom and looked in cupboards that's appalling and you should complain.

We once had a group of 3 workmen in our garden for a whole day and it seemed all they did for an entire morning was come in and out the house like bloody yoyos to use the loo. One of them did a smelly dump and I snapped and told the guy in charge there are public loos in the park opposite, please use those from now on. I was pregnant and very hormonal and needed the loo constantly myself. I didn't want a strange bloke shitting in my bathroom.

Exactly! Same here. And DH feels the same. Why do some people claim they wouldn't mind? NO-ONE would want this, come on!!!

EffinMagicFairy · 25/03/2025 17:04

OP is perfectly entitled to request a different engineer, maybe rent a Portaloo for trades in the future.

BatchCookBabe · 25/03/2025 17:03

Screamingabdabz · 25/03/2025 16:59

Jeez some people on this thread have low standards… YANBU at all for being upset about this. Going into your wardrobe is a massive violation and I would be complaining. You’d think they’d have training on how to be professional in people’s homes, especially around lone women.

Exactly. I smell bullpoo. No way would anyone on this thread be OK with what happened. Nope. No way!

B1indEye · 25/03/2025 17:02

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:55

Absolutely certain. I keep a large haul of toilet roll from Costco in the bottom of my wardrobe. It's used to top up the bathroom cabinet. If the wardrobe door and my bedroom door is open then you'd see it on your way to the bathroom.

Show quote history

What was the sequence of events do you think, did he spot them on the way into the bathroom and grab a new roll just in case it did he do some quick thinking while mid wipe and scoot to the bedroom hoping you wouldnt see him with his trousers half mast, it's not easy to be stealthy like that imo

applegrumbling · 25/03/2025 17:02

Sorry, how could he know you had toilet paper in your wardrobe? This really doesn’t add up.

RunLikeTheWild · 25/03/2025 17:02

he left the window wide open but still a horrendous smell, there was marks in the toilet bowl, the bathroom mats were crumpled up as he didn't bother straightening them up after finishing, water all over the floor and sink, towel crumpled up, air freshener knocked over. He's also very young so no doubt probably still lives at home and doesn't know how to tidy up after himself but just an assumption. @DontGoChasinWaterfalls

You just needed to straighten things up a bit?

Tbh I was expecting a lot worse, I imagined the walls and towels streaked with poo and vomit, blobs of excrement on the loo seat and floor, dirty pooey finger marks all along the walls etc

I must have lower standards as I find myself straightening up the bathroom often with young adult children and their friends in the house!

But no one enjoys having strangers and tradesmen in the house, and it's obviously extremely uncomfortable for you.
So it might be helpful to find it a technique to help you manage your anxiety and to realise nothing terrible comes from having trashmen in the house, that you are still safe and in control in your home.

rosemarble · 25/03/2025 17:02

RachelLikesTea · 25/03/2025 16:53

It doesn't sounds like you cope well with workmen being in your home, to be honest, OP. I have never heard of anyone keeping blue shoe coverings for such an occasion.

The poor guy was clearly unwell. You feeling 'upset' over the fact that he needed to use the loo urgently is very OTT.

Are you certain that he entered your bedroom and went into your wardrobe?

So you think if OP calls Open Reach and lists the problems:

  • late
  • made a fuss about OP requesting dirty shoes not be worn in her home
  • went through her wardrobe
  • was rough with the door latch
  • left the toilet dirty
  • was unprofessional in discussing further works needed.

They will say "Oh, this is the standard behaviour from our engineers"?

If you don't believe a word OP says then don't bother commenting.

B1indEye · 25/03/2025 16:59

Livpool · 25/03/2025 16:49

I am not defending him - just wouldn’t feel ‘violated’. We’re all different though

Show quote history

Picking on that one word is a side issue, and she said almost violated, the question is whether the OP is unreasonable to ask for a different engineer

Screamingabdabz · 25/03/2025 16:59

Jeez some people on this thread have low standards… YANBU at all for being upset about this. Going into your wardrobe is a massive violation and I would be complaining. You’d think they’d have training on how to be professional in people’s homes, especially around lone women.

MummyJ36 · 25/03/2025 16:58

Unreasonable to deny him a toilet visit (which you didn’t) but totally reasonable to be upset if he left your bathroom in a state. If he is not due to come back and you won’t see him again I would make a complaint. Just because he is working there doesn’t mean that he should treat your house disrespectfully.

TheHerboriste · 25/03/2025 16:58

SomersetBrie · 25/03/2025 16:23

I'd prefer the public toilet to having to clean up after him.

Show quote history

Me too.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 25/03/2025 16:57

He's clearly well used to scoping out potential toilet roll hidey places isn't he?

What a guy!

Chattie89 · 25/03/2025 16:57

Yeah I get you OP that sounds grim. Lots of posters will tell you the poor man needed to go, must have a medical condition etc, but there is absolutely no excuse for not cleaning up after himself and leaving everything as it was. It's not difficult. If he went into your bedroom and looked in cupboards that's appalling and you should complain.

We once had a group of 3 workmen in our garden for a whole day and it seemed all they did for an entire morning was come in and out the house like bloody yoyos to use the loo. One of them did a smelly dump and I snapped and told the guy in charge there are public loos in the park opposite, please use those from now on. I was pregnant and very hormonal and needed the loo constantly myself. I didn't want a strange bloke shitting in my bathroom.

Original poster
DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:55

RachelLikesTea · 25/03/2025 16:53

It doesn't sounds like you cope well with workmen being in your home, to be honest, OP. I have never heard of anyone keeping blue shoe coverings for such an occasion.

The poor guy was clearly unwell. You feeling 'upset' over the fact that he needed to use the loo urgently is very OTT.

Are you certain that he entered your bedroom and went into your wardrobe?

Absolutely certain. I keep a large haul of toilet roll from Costco in the bottom of my wardrobe. It's used to top up the bathroom cabinet. If the wardrobe door and my bedroom door is open then you'd see it on your way to the bathroom.

OP posts:
LIZS · 25/03/2025 16:54

Perhaps he had stage fright and embarrassment , knowing you were working in an adjacent room. Did you not see and stop him entering your bedroom?

RachelLikesTea · 25/03/2025 16:53

It doesn't sounds like you cope well with workmen being in your home, to be honest, OP. I have never heard of anyone keeping blue shoe coverings for such an occasion.

The poor guy was clearly unwell. You feeling 'upset' over the fact that he needed to use the loo urgently is very OTT.

Are you certain that he entered your bedroom and went into your wardrobe?

cantthinkofausername26 · 25/03/2025 16:52

Ewwwwww that’s disgusting. I would absolutely not be letting him back in my house tomorrow!

EffinMagicFairy · 25/03/2025 16:51

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls Then he should have phoned to say he was going to be late, however, if he had turned up a few minutes before 1pm and the job was going to take a few hours you would have still been hanging around.

crumblingschools · 25/03/2025 16:50

Time to get a loo brush

Livpool · 25/03/2025 16:49

B1indEye · 25/03/2025 16:44

This thread is weird, why is everyone falling over themselves to defend a dirty man who appears to have no manners or knowledge of basic toilet etiquette. Of course ring up and say you want a different engineer and give your feedbaxk

I am not defending him - just wouldn’t feel ‘violated’. We’re all different though

EffortlesslyInelegant · 25/03/2025 16:49

How did he 'physically' destroy the bathroom?

Queenanne20 · 25/03/2025 16:49

I have lots of visitors to my house due to my dh being disabled, carers, support workers etc and lots of them ask to use the toilet. I don't mind at all but not one of them has ever left it in a mess and not one of them has ever run upstairs looking for the toilet, they've just asked and I've shown them into the downstairs loo. I would be furious if a man had run upstairs whilst I was upstairs, I would have felt frightened. He should have shouted from the bottom of the stairs and waited for you to show him where the toilet was. As for rooting through your wardrobe that's terrible. I'd definitely phone BT and say you don't want that engineer to visit your house ever again.