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Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

718 replies

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:10

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting.
BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed.
He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work.
5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper.
I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition.
He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here.
aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheThread · 25/03/2025 22:02

BobbyBiscuits · 25/03/2025 19:48

I don't believe some of this. I can see you felt annoyed and things escalated but I think you're exaggerating. I've been raped before and violated isn't a workman using your toilet or accidentally temporarily jamming a door.

💐I agree.
It's very inappropriate language.

EmpressOfTheThread · 25/03/2025 21:58

Amberlynnswashcloth · 25/03/2025 21:57

You have my sympathy, OP. I had a situation with a boiler engineer when alone in the house with DC4. It was during covid when we were still masked and distanced so things were a bit weird from the outset. I welcomed him into the house and went to show him into the kitchen where the boiler was but he told me that I'd have to wait outside the room and then he literally shut the kitchen door in my face...in my own home! But then a few minutes later he called up the stairs and asked if he could use the toilet to which I replied that unfortunately that wouldn't be possible. Then I hear water running in the kitchen and when I go to the stair he comes through adjusting his trouser zip. It was so intimidating that I instinctively stayed halfway up the stair for the rest of our interaction. I disinfected the kitchen after he left. I definitely felt a bit violated by that experience.

Why didn't you let him use the toilet?!

EmpressOfTheThread · 25/03/2025 21:57

RunLikeTheWild · 25/03/2025 21:33

Op said of the bathroom: "went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. "
"I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition."

I certainly didn't imagine an air freshener bottle knocked over, a scrunched up bath mat and a bit of water on the floor.

I think the inside of the sink was wet as well.

Amberlynnswashcloth · 25/03/2025 21:57

You have my sympathy, OP. I had a situation with a boiler engineer when alone in the house with DC4. It was during covid when we were still masked and distanced so things were a bit weird from the outset. I welcomed him into the house and went to show him into the kitchen where the boiler was but he told me that I'd have to wait outside the room and then he literally shut the kitchen door in my face...in my own home! But then a few minutes later he called up the stairs and asked if he could use the toilet to which I replied that unfortunately that wouldn't be possible. Then I hear water running in the kitchen and when I go to the stair he comes through adjusting his trouser zip. It was so intimidating that I instinctively stayed halfway up the stair for the rest of our interaction. I disinfected the kitchen after he left. I definitely felt a bit violated by that experience.

Duolingod · 25/03/2025 21:53

Have only read your posts OP.

Whilst I’m sure none of us mind guests using the bathroom, it’s disingenuous for posters to think there isn’t the potential for an unpleasant power dynamic hear whereby an engineer visits your house, things are a big frosty re. outdoors boots/timing - next thing it’s a 20 dump in the loo and making a mess of your bathroom, smells and all, plus goes into your bedroom.

OP doesn’t have to justify how much loo roll she did/n’t have in the bathroom.

Yes they might have a medical condition and yes to all the other whataboutery. He also might have done it on purpose.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 25/03/2025 21:52

I know what you mean OP. I really hate strange men in my home as it’s the only place I feel properly safe. I once had a tradesmen who used my toilet after he’d finished doing a (shit) job, and not only left shit all over it, but left shitty loo roll on the floor. There’s no need for it.

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 21:46

BobbyBiscuits · 25/03/2025 19:48

I don't believe some of this. I can see you felt annoyed and things escalated but I think you're exaggerating. I've been raped before and violated isn't a workman using your toilet or accidentally temporarily jamming a door.

I'm extremely sorry this happened to you and no offence was intended. As explained, I said almost violated then elaborated on the feeling of my house being violated.

OP posts:
DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 21:44

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 25/03/2025 20:04

This. It sounds like he was unfortunately caught short. Referring to yourself as being violated is a massive overreaction and an insult to those of us who have genuinely been sexually assaulted

I didn't say I felt violated. I said almost. Then I referred to the feeling of my house feeling violated. There was no offence intended.

OP posts:
LoveFridaynight · 25/03/2025 21:41

SomersetBrie · 25/03/2025 18:54

If you were in someone else's house, would you expect them to clean up after you?

No I wouldn't but I also don't care about cleaning up after others. Having worked with nursery age children for fifteen years not much bothers me. And I'd rather he shit in the bathroom than any other room.

Bologneselove · 25/03/2025 21:35

Delatron · 25/03/2025 18:38

Water all over the floor and towel crumpled on the floor (as well as the shit all over the loo).

Not how I would leave someone’s bathroom…

i must have missed the bit about a towel crumbled on the floor as you’ve pointed out…

RunLikeTheWild · 25/03/2025 21:33

researchers3 · 25/03/2025 20:57

Really? You really imagined shit all over the walls?

Op said of the bathroom: "went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. "
"I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition."

I certainly didn't imagine an air freshener bottle knocked over, a scrunched up bath mat and a bit of water on the floor.

Bologneselove · 25/03/2025 21:33

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 25/03/2025 18:05

Then why would he pick a job that involves travel and visiting other people's homes?

He may have qualified in this trade before developing medical issues, if he even has any. If this is accurate, it is not a reason to not work because he’d still need to earn money and may not be skilled to ‘choose’ another job.

LondonFox · 25/03/2025 21:30

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 25/03/2025 16:38

Absolutely not! There is plenty of bleach and cleaning products in the bathroom though!

So you do not own a toilet brush?
(Why ffs???)
And you complain someone was not able to clean your toilet?

You should feel very luckly to have a job where you do not have to stress about doing basic body functions.
I cannot imagine having tradesman in and not offering him access to the loo and a drink before he needs to ask.

DBSFstupid · 25/03/2025 21:25

Redpeach · 25/03/2025 16:14

20 mins in the toilet? He was piss scrolling

@Redpeach what is piss scrolling?

spongebunnyfatpants · 25/03/2025 21:24

Have you checked that nothing is missing from your wardrobe? Have you checked the rest of your room?

I wouldn't be happy either, especially with him going through your wardrobe. He definitely shouldn't have done that.

I would ask for someone else to come and tell them why.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 25/03/2025 21:19

What a revolting pig, can you imagine a woman behaving like that at work of all places. To be honest marries up with everything Ive experienced from BT lately. Check out their trust pilot reviews, couldn't be worse.

JenniferBooth · 25/03/2025 21:11

SuspiciousChipmunk · 25/03/2025 20:19

Taking a 20 min dump in your house is disgusting. Call centre staff would get a talking to if they did that on shift.

Then i would love to know those call centres policies on employing disabled people with conditions like Crohns particularly in light of the forthcoming benefit cuts.

derxa · 25/03/2025 21:01

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 25/03/2025 20:08

Ridiculous. You will hopefully never realise what violated actually means

Quite right. What a load of rubbish this thread is

SpudsIlike13 · 25/03/2025 21:01

You sound a bit nuts! 🥜

researchers3 · 25/03/2025 20:57

RunLikeTheWild · 25/03/2025 17:02

he left the window wide open but still a horrendous smell, there was marks in the toilet bowl, the bathroom mats were crumpled up as he didn't bother straightening them up after finishing, water all over the floor and sink, towel crumpled up, air freshener knocked over. He's also very young so no doubt probably still lives at home and doesn't know how to tidy up after himself but just an assumption. @DontGoChasinWaterfalls

You just needed to straighten things up a bit?

Tbh I was expecting a lot worse, I imagined the walls and towels streaked with poo and vomit, blobs of excrement on the loo seat and floor, dirty pooey finger marks all along the walls etc

I must have lower standards as I find myself straightening up the bathroom often with young adult children and their friends in the house!

But no one enjoys having strangers and tradesmen in the house, and it's obviously extremely uncomfortable for you.
So it might be helpful to find it a technique to help you manage your anxiety and to realise nothing terrible comes from having trashmen in the house, that you are still safe and in control in your home.

Really? You really imagined shit all over the walls?

Doingmybestbut · 25/03/2025 20:47

I seem to remember you get a text asking you to rate the engineer?

Doingmybestbut · 25/03/2025 20:46

I had a really weird open reach engineer once. Really confrontational and made a big thing about did we have a dog because he wouldn’t go into a house with a dog. We do not have a dog but I rather felt he was in the wrong job.

FavouritePJs · 25/03/2025 20:42

FavouritePJs · 25/03/2025 20:01

I’m trying to get into a discussion on Openreach, just offering some advice and help should it be required.

Correction - not trying!

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 25/03/2025 20:35

SuspiciousChipmunk · 25/03/2025 20:19

Taking a 20 min dump in your house is disgusting. Call centre staff would get a talking to if they did that on shift.

Have you ever worked in a call centre? Staff are treated appallingly. Do you really think it's ok to get a stern talking to for a normal bodily function?

BatchCookBabe · 25/03/2025 20:26

AthWat · 25/03/2025 20:13

He's on company time; that's quick, if anything.

😂