Page 10 | Feeling very uncomfortable and almost violated after visit today by BT Engineer

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 2025-03-25T16:10:32+00:00

I need a sense check and to realise I'm not overreacting. BT engineer came today to upgrade my service to fibre optic broadband. He was late first of all which could've been accepted if he acknowledged he was late and apologised. He stepped into my house with his work boots on and I asked if he would mind wearing shoe covers as I have grey carpets. I'd never ask workmen to take shoes off and I provide the blue shoe coverings. He huffed and said he has to go in and out my house. Immediately I felt uncomfortable but explained I have a small child who sits and crawls on the carpet. He reluctantly agreed. He somehow managed to jam the lock on my porch door by trying to leave it on the latch. After 15 minutes I managed to release it. He then tells me he needs a colleague to come to do something outside with the plyons and phrased it as "if it's after 2pm they won't bother coming". He eventually starts work after 40 minutes after faffing and I go upstairs to do some work. 5 minutes later I hear a panicked call asking if he could use my bathroom. Before I could say anything he was half way up the stairs. I froze and he directed himself to the bathroom. He was in there for 20 minutes and I was now downstairs feeling quite upset. Eventually he comes downstairs and doesn't say anything. I went upstairs to survey the damage and it was horrendous to say the least. To make things worse he rooted through my wardrobe to find the toilet paper. I feel disgusted and sick..but feel like I'm overreacting as I don't know if he was unwell or has a medical condition. He's got to come back tomorrow and I don't want him here. aibu to call OpenReach to request another engineer???

SlowFerry · 29/03/2025 08:51

Try to put it down to experience and move on OP. In future prepare your bathroom with plenty of loo roll and place bleach and bog brush almost in front of the loo so any visitor can’t miss them….. and hope for the best.

My worst experience was back in the day when bank officials made house visits to offer advice. This young overweight besuited buffoon arrived on my doorstep clutching his guts and asking for the loo as he’d just had a dodgy lunch. What could I say?

He went on to become a financial journalist for my national daily newspaper. Everytime I read his name my nostrils were filled with the stench he’d left in my bathroom all those years ago.

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:48

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:42

Well if they’re not in the property how can they use your loo??

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That doesn't make any sense.

You said a poster doesn't allow workspeople in their house. Who said that?

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:42

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:31

My response was to a poster who said she doesn't allow work people into her property. Not just BT engineers

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Well if they’re not in the property how can they use your loo??

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:35

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:32

I think this is directed at you. Your toilet your rules stance does lack humanity.

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Reported.

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:34

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:31

My response was to a poster who said she doesn't allow work people into her property. Not just BT engineers

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Who said they don't allow workspeople into their property? Not that it should concern you anyway.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:32

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:23

Did you say pp doesn't have any humanity?

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I think this is directed at you. Your toilet your rules stance does lack humanity.

Confusedformer · 29/03/2025 08:31

I had a postman years ago who was a bit odd. Just a bit socially naive. He once asked to use my downstairs loo and I said yes. He asked again the following week and I let him. The third week I said no.

recently had a guy from DFS come and fix my sofa. He was really racist and gave me all of his views while I made him a cup of tea. Hugely inappropriate.

could you imagine a woman doing any of this?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:31

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:26

BT engineers are not in your house all day. They travel from job to job. They can stop at a loo.

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My response was to a poster who said she doesn't allow work people into her property. Not just BT engineers

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:26

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:15

That may be true but refusing is out of order if that person is based in your home all day. Also how awkward would the atmosphere be for the rest of the day once that person has then had to get back in the van, find a toilet, come back, possibly look for a new parking space then resume work (X however many times they need to go throughout the day). They will then probably not drink enough to reduce toilet trips and end up dehydrated, all because you are precious about your toilet.

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BT engineers are not in your house all day. They travel from job to job. They can stop at a loo.

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:24

SallyWD · 29/03/2025 08:19

No of course you don't have to let anyone use your toilet. However, anyone either an ounce of humanity would allow it. If someone's working at my house all day, of course they'll need the toilet. They're human beings. I wouldn't expect them to drive around looking for a public toilet (which have all been closed due to public spending cuts).

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Yes but it’s not their right. I use trusted tradespeople that I know or are known to friends. This engineer is on the road going to calls, he can stop for the loo in between jobs. He was also quite unfriendly to the op. Then he left a mess and eneteres her bedroom. How anyone can defend that I do t know. Why doesn’t he have to have common decency but we all have to offer our lavs?

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:23

SallyWD · 29/03/2025 08:19

No of course you don't have to let anyone use your toilet. However, anyone either an ounce of humanity would allow it. If someone's working at my house all day, of course they'll need the toilet. They're human beings. I wouldn't expect them to drive around looking for a public toilet (which have all been closed due to public spending cuts).

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Did you say pp doesn't have any humanity?

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:23

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:15

That may be true but refusing is out of order if that person is based in your home all day. Also how awkward would the atmosphere be for the rest of the day once that person has then had to get back in the van, find a toilet, come back, possibly look for a new parking space then resume work (X however many times they need to go throughout the day). They will then probably not drink enough to reduce toilet trips and end up dehydrated, all because you are precious about your toilet.

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No.

See we form our own moral compasses.

It's not illegal and it's not a right nor a given, the toilet belongs to us so we choose who uses it. Nothing to comment really.

Not your toilet not your problem.

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:21

Tandora · 29/03/2025 08:11

I thought we were having a conversation about how you never let tradespeople use your loo ?

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Indeed in the context of the thread which is about a BT engineer.

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 08:21

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:07

Seriously? I was stating the reason why your example of flyering is different.

1 You were not based in one property
2 No-one could be sure of YOUR credentials / identity

Your reasons for not allowing someone working in your home to not use your toilet are baffling to many of us on here. As I said before, autism and OCD are not reasons to deny someone a basic bodily function, providing they do not leave the bathroom a mess which most would not.

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I don't care if they're baffling.

My toilet: my rules.

You can choose what to do with your own toilet.

SallyWD · 29/03/2025 08:19

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:10

I don’t have to let anyone use my toilet. It’s not their right.

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No of course you don't have to let anyone use your toilet. However, anyone either an ounce of humanity would allow it. If someone's working at my house all day, of course they'll need the toilet. They're human beings. I wouldn't expect them to drive around looking for a public toilet (which have all been closed due to public spending cuts).

TheGentleOpalMember · 29/03/2025 08:16

paradisecityx · 29/03/2025 08:12

Can’t help but think you’re being a bit dramatic, OP.
The boots thing, fine, but needing to use the toilet is out of his control, and if you don’t have spares in the bathroom and he saw toilet roll of course he’s going to take it. Or would you prefer he sat in your home with shit running down his legs?
SMH.

There were spares in the bathroom, @paradisecityx . In the bathroom cabinet. He didn't even bother to look.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:15

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:10

I don’t have to let anyone use my toilet. It’s not their right.

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That may be true but refusing is out of order if that person is based in your home all day. Also how awkward would the atmosphere be for the rest of the day once that person has then had to get back in the van, find a toilet, come back, possibly look for a new parking space then resume work (X however many times they need to go throughout the day). They will then probably not drink enough to reduce toilet trips and end up dehydrated, all because you are precious about your toilet.

paradisecityx · 29/03/2025 08:12

Can’t help but think you’re being a bit dramatic, OP.
The boots thing, fine, but needing to use the toilet is out of his control, and if you don’t have spares in the bathroom and he saw toilet roll of course he’s going to take it. Or would you prefer he sat in your home with shit running down his legs?
SMH.

Tandora · 29/03/2025 08:11

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 07:45

Incorrect.

He was a BT engineer not a house rewirer. OP's home is not his place of work, if it were she would need to be registered as a business.

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I thought we were having a conversation about how you never let tradespeople use your loo ?

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:10

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:07

Seriously? I was stating the reason why your example of flyering is different.

1 You were not based in one property
2 No-one could be sure of YOUR credentials / identity

Your reasons for not allowing someone working in your home to not use your toilet are baffling to many of us on here. As I said before, autism and OCD are not reasons to deny someone a basic bodily function, providing they do not leave the bathroom a mess which most would not.

Edited

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I don’t have to let anyone use my toilet. It’s not their right.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/03/2025 08:07

user9632579 · 28/03/2025 23:08

The reasons I don't allow them to use my toilet has nothing to do with me being unsure of their identity so what's the relevance of that?

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Seriously? I was stating the reason why your example of flyering is different.

1 You were not based in one property
2 No-one could be sure of YOUR credentials / identity

Your reasons for not allowing someone working in your home to not use your toilet are baffling to many of us on here. As I said before, autism and OCD are not reasons to deny someone a basic bodily function, providing they do not leave the bathroom a mess which most would not.

greengreyblue · 29/03/2025 08:03

Tandora · 29/03/2025 07:07

@user9632579 it’s their place of work- its the location where they perform their job/ tasks you hired them for. They are humans and likely to need the toilet at some point during the working day. It is totally unacceptable to deny someone facilities to relieve a basic , universal , bodily function / need when you have facilities there on site.

Edited

They don’t have the right to use a customer’s loo. It’s not their workplace. If it were, BT would pay us to maintain our loos.

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 07:53

Parallellives · 29/03/2025 07:36

‘Rummaging through the wardrobe’

So he went and got a roll of toilet paper from the bottom of the wardrobe. How is that ‘rummaging’?

(I am still unclear how exactly OP knew that he had been in the wardrobe to be honest unless she had counted the number of rolls or left them very neatly.)
But the alternative was he would have had to shout up to OP ‘where is the spare loo roll’ and she’s already been grumpy with him so he didn’t want to do that.

No I wouldn’t want a workman going in my wardrobe but they wouldn’t need to as 1. I don’t store loo roll in my wardrobe 2. I leave a stack of toilet rolls in my bathroom.

But then I’ve had various workmen in my house and they have had to do work in my bedroom so maybe I am more relaxed about it than the OP.

So you think it's OK for unknown male to open a woman's room let alone wardrobe?
Why do so many let their boundaries go?
As women we unite on the threat men pose to us. We all know what it's like to have to pretend you're on the phone, not walk home alone, be frightened so why is a man going in a woman's wardrobe without permission accepted?

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 07:50

Breakitdownplease · 29/03/2025 07:41

Why is it always men who have to shit throughout the day at work? Don't we all do our morning shit and get on with our day? I work out on the road some days/at clients homes and I've never had to take a shit in someone's bathroom because I go before I go to work!
Seen loads of these stories on here and I've never seen one about a female engineer/delivery driver. Do men not have control over their bowels or something?
I think most of us women have enough to do without cleaning up some random blokes shit off our toilets.

Absolutely!

user9632579 · 29/03/2025 07:48

Tandora · 29/03/2025 07:25

Quite , and to add to all this- OP “froze” when he asked to use the loo; was “upset” about him being in there; and when he was done went to “survey the damage”. this was all before she was even aware of such horrendous violations such as failing to straighten the bath mat and getting water in the sink! This is clearly all about OP’s issues

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Now you're dismissing a woman's uncomfortableness about an unknown male running into rooms in her home which he had no permission to be in.