Mother’s Day & gifts…

It's not your job, no. The point is to show ones appreciation of ones mother.

It does sound as if he is at least under the impression that she wouldn't particularly welcome such a show.

Word of warning though - are you planning on having children? Make sure he's well aware that it's HIS job to help his children do Mothers Day. When the first is a babe in arms that will involve getting and writing a card, getting any presents, and child-wrangling while you have a lie-in. If he does it properly by the time the oldest can buy alcohol he won't need to do anything at all

Ah thanks! Thought I was going to get roasted for saying that. So for the grand price £3.40 I have a nanny card, Mother’s Day card and a stamp bought and posted. My husband has just thanked me for sorting it. I do know if I was sick or dead he would sort it himself.

Because the wives do it, and berate other women as "petty" when they don't believe it is their responsibility!

Why do all these useless men not bother with Mothering Sunday and leave it to their wives? Ugh.

My mil is epic and helped me a great deal when my kids were little. She is always super helpful and never judgemental and would do anything for me. Buys me thoughtful presents on my birthday and generally is great. My husband is a bit useless, so I have ordered her a nice present and picked up a card when I got my mum's and I'll make sure we see her and treat her on Sunday. It's wife work and I wish he did it, but I love her!

Totally agree with this. Mumsnet seems to think if you do anything nice for your husband or (God forbid!) for your mother in law, you must be an oppressed door mat/idiot. In the real world, people do nice things for each other without expectation or score keeping.

Don't start what you don't mean to carry on. I used to arrange card, gifts and flowers etc even before we were married. She turned on me, so naturally I stopped. DH didn't bother - obvs my fault 😂 not that her son can't be bothered lol

Don't do this.

You are newly married, DO NOT start doing "wife work" at this stage.
Your dh needs to decide on his own relationship with his mother.

(Not sure which way to vote)
YANBU to insist he sorts his own family's cards / presents out
YABU to feel guilty if he doesn't.

Ah, maybe that it, then. He may think it's a bit odd to start now?
But sad that it's come from a place of not being v close, rather than sanguinity but still within the realms of love.

Are you sure they celebrate Mother's Day, OP?

I hate it, my mother did too, never, ever celebrated it with my children, ( but graciously accepted cards they'd made at school). They are 22, 25 and 28 now, and all I see is angst and upset, guilt and a feeling of duty when I read some of these threads.
We are all of us happy to not have any part in it. There is a feeling of great freedom that I have and I know they do.

I know I'm lucky though, as they all show love to me in little ways, the year round, as I do to them.

Your H and his mum may not see it as a "thing"?

Why doesn't he bother? Do they have a bad relationship? Otherwise it's a bit pathetic.

I think a grown man should be able to buy a card and I'd tell him this. Remember he might be treating you like this in years to come. Will he be remembering to buy you a card and present when/if you have young children?

While i understand that its not your mother so not really your responsibility to get a card i do think its a touch petty and spiteful to deliberately not bother to make a point! If she is a good mil to you then just get one while impressing upon her son that he should be doing it and should have more respect for his own mother.

Don't buy a MIL card - you will set expectations! Your husband will never take responsibility for buying his mother cards or gifts on any occasion and it will be left to you. The rule in this house was always that I was responsible for organising my parents and he is for his. Works perfectly.

If your MIL is nice when you are standing in the shop buying your own mother a card just pick one up for her. That’s what I do. My husband does things for me I do things for him. Please don’t let the poor woman not get a card on Mother’s Day. I have just got my husband to write it and as I am going to post office anyway I will post it. I wouldn’t be like she ain’t my mother I am not posting that.

I always buy MIL a little something but it's from the kids, not from DP (who hasn't got her anything in the 18 years we've been together!). He does however take the kids out and let them pick me a gift.

Edited to add my mum is sadly no longer here but i'd always buy her a few bits and pieces.

Don't do this, it's madness. Cards for MIL on Mothering Sunday are bonkers. And his card or not for his mum is none of your business. Same as DH has already organised a lunch with his mum and I still have a couple of days to remember to buy a card for mine. If I am useless enough to forget and get one in the post by Thursday that's on me and not him.

Now that she is your MIL I would be inclined to buy one and put it under his nose, and say "sign this because I'm going past the post box in a minute". I know you shouldn't have to, but you obviously feel bad about her not getting a card. Unless he has his own reasons for not wanting her to have one from him? But you say he forgets... Remind him as he's going to the supermarket? Put it on the list? No, you shouldn't have to. But a happy MIL is worth it!

What had he done previous years before you were married?

It's fine for you to remind him but definitely don't buy anything on his behalf. He's a grown adult. Presumably his mum hasn't received a card or present from him for the last however many years before you were married so she'll be used to it.

It’s up to him, not you. I’ve never been involved in anything my husband does for his family.

I bought all the cards and presents for DHs parents and for our children. He used to manage to buy me presents for Valentines Day, Anniversary and birthday but based on my experience so far this year he’s given up. I had a present for him on Vs Day but didn’t give it to him.