To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

This is batshit crazy! Do your children know this? I would be devastated if my parents were putting their lives on hold just so I can inherit. Unless you have horrifically grabby children, I am sure seeing you happy is far more important to them than your money.

I think prenups are only persuasive and not binding in the U.K.

To be blunt, why do you want to get married? I don’t see any advantage that marriage would have for you, over a long term relationship without the paperwork. Obviously that’s not very romantic of me, but at the end of the day it’s a legal contract that can have massive financial implications. I don’t blame anyone who is a lower earner or a SAHP for wanting the security of marriage, but you don’t need it.

Does he have property to bring to a marriage?
I would want to protect my home and pension in the case of divorce.

Not because they married. Because they married without setting their affairs in order to prioritise their children over their spouse.

Talk to a solicitor. See what's possible before you dismiss something that might be really easy to sort.

Quite - it's the OP that sees it as a barrier to having a partner.

Actually just stop thinking about the inheritance at all, it isnt your children’s money. Use it and spend it and if they’re lucky there will be a few pound left after you’ve gone, if there isn’t then tough they will have to make their own money!

No it doesn’t. You have to state in the will your intention to marry, and therefore it remains valid.

I write wills.

Talk to your children and your partner (not necessarily together) a out your wish to marry, about what you'd want to happen if you divorced, about what you'd want to happen if you died first and if your partner died first and see if you can all agree on each eventuality. Then go to a solicitor and tell them what you want and take their advice.

It's really not too difficult to solve this issue

I know people who've married in such circumstances and who are enjoying happy and harmonious lives. Presumably they've sorted out and made arrangements for their property and children's inheritance. You could enjoy that happy life too and look after your children's interests.

The sensible thing would be to see a solicitor who specialises in wills and inheritance. Go prepared with clear facts and figures and ask how to protect your own finances and assets and how to make provision for and protect your children's inheritance, if you marry.

There may be a bit of complication in working it out but I expect it can be done in a way that would make you happy and enable you to have the life you'd enjoy

This has to be a reverse from some adult kid who can’t handle an inheritance issue. Of course people can marry, of course life time interest in a property might be in place if your mum or dad wanted that, of course you can put in place protections if you so wish, of course no one is guaranteed inheritance either.

Stop worrying about your grown up children and their inheritance and start doing things for yourself that make you happy. Move in with the man you love, marry him and be happy, write a will and then just get on with life. You’ll be dead one day so the kids can sort everything out and you won’t have to worry!

Oh my goodness, of course you can't marry in such terrible circumstances, the very sky would fall in, oceans would boil etc. etc.

I'm sure your ADULT DC would be thrilled to hear that you're living (as a PP put it) a miserable half life in thrall to their distant inheritance which will definitely not be used for your care when you are elderly.

I'm being sarky, but really, you are being a touch melodramatic about a non-problem that can be sorted out in half an hour with a solicitor.

This is kinda insane lol. Of course you can marry.

My father married my stepmother when I was almost an adult, they of course became a new family, with me included and her kids, and a new will was drawn up to account for that, to ensure all kids of the marriage were equally considered.

It's not rocket science.

You can. You just need an estate planning solicitor and a financial planner.

Why are you denying yourself basic happiness in order to protect some hypothetical inheritance being delayed in reaching your children?

With respect, that is insane. Your money is yours and your house is for you to live in. Live, OP.

Protect your assets however you want but I’m sure your children would rather stand at your funeral saying you had a rich and happy life and did everything you always wanted to do. I highly doubt they’ll say “Well, so glad Mum held off on her dreams because now I’ll get a cheque and it won’t be delayed any.”

Pretty fucked up way to look at life. Besides, you could not marry and have to sell your home and spend it all on care fees when you’re elderly. You quite literally don’t know. I can never get my head around this attitude at all.

No one is owed inheritance. It’s not inheritance, it’s YOUR LIFE. Your home. Not a husk you have to preserve the worth of. Jesus.

Wow. Imagine living your entire life avoiding anything positive lest it deplete your children’s inheritance.
What sort of miserable half life is that?

I ponder this. My children's potential inheritance is more important to me than a relationship. I own my house and don't want them to have any extra stress when I die.

I've been on the shitty end of the stick with a parents remarriage and (non) inheritance and I won't do it to my children.

Well, you can imagine the post on here ‘AIBU to resent my mother continually complaining that she can’t marry her longtime partner because of imaginary inheritance issues, despite us all telling her we’re financially comfortable, and would far prefer her to marry if that’s what she wants?’ Or ‘AIBU to think she doesn’t really want to, and is just using us as an excuse?’

You would hope so, wouldn't you?

This pot you speak of isn’t your children’s money. No one has a right to inheritance. You can get married if you want to.

Would your child not care more about your happiness than their inheritance?

Exactly! I'm not expecting to inherit anything from my parents. It's their money! I hope they spend the rest of their lives enjoying it.

I can see where you are coming from OP. I too would worry about my children missing out down the line. More importantly I would worry about losing half my estate to a divorce. I couldn’t see from your replies if your partner owns their property and has a similar level of wealth. If you both own homes outright or with similar equity plus similar financial positions, then that’s one thing, however if you own and he doesn’t you are risking losing half of your home and pensions if things didn’t work out. I don’t think that is a ridiculous concern at all- let’s face it we have all read enough divorce threads on MN to see what the reality for many women can be. For what it’s worth I wouldn’t ever remarry for exactly the same reasons.

It's the end of the world!